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Getting brother to use correct pronouns when it comes to trans people

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by StefaniW, Jun 28, 2013.

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  1. StefaniW

    StefaniW Guest

    Okay, so lately I have been talking to my little brother (16) about trans issues and showed him some videos. He has just sort of avoided gendering me these days (cuz I complained to my mother about him gendering me male) but he flat out misgendered and mispronouned the transpeople I showed him

    Most were very passable and quite handsome/pretty and even he admitted this, but he refused to pronoun them correctly, particularly when he saw pre-HRT videos and kept saying "is that really a guy/girl?" and I tried to explain that NO, they are NOT actually "male/female" they just used to be "male/female bodied" but it was a bit uncomfortable so I didn't force it.

    Aaanywho, it sort of has been getting to me now and I would like to talk to him about it but I don't know what to say. He hasn't said much so far and I am a little worried he will just come out with a total denial of my identity and I will end up getting upset.

    I know...it takes time to get used to. It took time for me to get used to, and I am LIVING it. So I understand if it's hard for him. It's just....I dunno, it hurts just a liiittle bit that he isn't really even trying to understand.

    If anyone has any advice or like links for family of transpeople that talk about likely causes and what it's like that would be much appreciated <3

    ---------- Post added 28th Jun 2013 at 03:36 PM ----------

    He also said to me today "I don't understand why you are doing this. It just seems like a lot of work" and that sorta annoyed me, but I was patient and explained it wasn't really something I could live without doing.

    Honestly, my mother has been more understanding the last couple days than he has and that really annoys me cuz he isn't of another generation, he should know better it feels like. Most people my age I have talked to have been reaaally understanding. But of course he is quite sheltered (like all my family they are soooo backward).

    Although he did say (however awkward he felt saying it) that I was "quite pretty" and had "beautiful eyes" which was sweet <3
     
    #1 StefaniW, Jun 28, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2013
  2. sguyc

    sguyc
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    I would search for some material that is designed to make people understand. He probably does not understand the ideas behind gender identity and how it is different than sex. Seems like you are doing a good job so far, he is just stubborn. He will come along.
     
    #2 sguyc, Jun 29, 2013
  3. Viridian

    Viridian Guest

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    I think it's difficult for a 16 year old to comprehend when he suddenly got a sister out of nowhere.

    His confusion is understandable, as majority of the people in this world are unfamiliar with transgender topics.

    I would suggest getting some materials for him to look over, answer any questions he might have, and just be your awesome self :slight_smile:

    While it might hurt now, eventually he'll come around.
     
    #3 Viridian, Jun 29, 2013
  4. Amerigo

    Amerigo
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    i guess it's most important to establish with your brother the difference between sex and gender. of course, most people identify with gender, stating i am male/female or man/woman implying gender (when only the latter option should be used for said subject). nevertheless, it's your right to identify with whichever gender (or none at all) you feel comfortable, and also understandable to, in spite of what body you may have been born in, to state you are "only female/woman", so please continue to do so and persist in making that clear to your bro. i think he's just young, we all were.
     
    #4 Amerigo, Jun 29, 2013
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