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First time having sex... with a guy, WHAT DO I DO?!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Estragon84, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Estragon84

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    Ok... so I actually know what I'm supposed to do and where everything goes, but real question is, how do I go about it? I remember my first time having sex with a girl was so AWKWARD. This guy (actually he's so much more than just "this guy", he's probably the most wonderful guy or person I've ever met in my life, but I digress...), and I have been dating for about 8 months now. We're exclusive, but not official (He's out, I'm not... but I'm working on it.) We recently discussed having sex... he's brought it up before, but I've shot it down. I've wanted to wait to make sure he's legit (serious about a relationship) and 8 months later, he's itchin' and so am I, haha... regardless though, I'm still questioning whether or not it's too soon. My brain says yes, everything else says, "f_ck off, brain!"

    My fear is that the first time will be so awkward, and probably not enjoyable (just going by my first time with a girl) and that he'll be totally turned off. I know sex, in general, is awkward, but I don't want it to be soooo awkward that it's undesirable. (First impressions count?)... how do I do it? How did some of you counter this? I mean, I guess some liquor beforehand never hurt... I dunno. Like I said, I've never had sex with a guy and thinking about it scares me... mostly because of all the negative messages I've internalized thanks to family, friends about gay sex being "disgusting"... sigh. Any help would be much appreciated...
     
  2. greatwhale

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    First of all, I would think that after 8 months of celibacy, your "guy" deserves a break!

    Second, what is awkward about sex? If you could look at it objectively (if you saw non-porn images of guys in bed together), you would be amazed at how beautiful it is that two human beings can be so into each other, so to speak, that they can forget themselves and give of themselves to the other.

    No, don't do this drunk, do it with full consciousness because it is a special moment and one that you would want to remember always.

    The best I can tell you is: undress each other slowly and deliberately, kiss him often, and when you are together, naked and vulnerable to each other, let nature take its course; your body will know what to do and it will be beautiful and it will be natural.
     
  3. sexyalex

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    RIP JayHew,

    He did a lovely post on this topic you will find it an interesting read.

    It helped me 5 years ago when I started. I'm sure it will help you, too.

    Empty Closets - Anal Sex
     
  4. Estragon84

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    Sex is awkward... I mean, for me it is. Don't get me wrong, I love it and enjoy it thoroughly, immensely... what have you. Just because it's awkward doesn't mean it's not beautiful. For me, sex is something sacred... it's the foreplay, the sex, and the trip to the diner afterwards to eat and laugh with that special person. And since "my guy" and I have this awesome connection... I know that it'll extend into the sexual aspect of our relationship. But after years of being told "gay sex is unnatural and disgusting", I know that'll pop into my head as we're getting all hot and nasty with each other. That's part of what I'm trying to cope with... It's a little nerve-wracking, yes... but I'll admit, it's also kind of fun. It's the first time I'm in this position in a relationship that actually means something to me (an actual gay relationship as opposed to a fake, straight one.)

    Thanks greatwhale and sexyalex (I'll def. check out that post)! Keep your suggestions coming!

    Oh, and to sum up how I feel about sex.... Rose Nylund said it best (damn, I guess I am gay):


    Rose Nylund: If you ask me, people rely too much on sex in relationships anyway.
    Ernest: You're right. I mean, what is sex, after all?
    Rose Nylund: Two clunky old bodies thrashing around against each other. Like animals.
    Ernest: You get all sweaty, and flushed.
    Rose Nylund: Your hair gets mussed.
    Ernest: You lose your breath.
    Rose Nylund: You lose your earrings.
    Ernest: (steadily turned on) Your mouth waters...
    Rose Nylund: (steadily turned on) Your nose runs...
    Ernest: ...your heart races...
    Rose Nylund: ...your blood races...
    Ernest: ...Rose...
    Rose Nylund: ...say it, Ernie...
    Ernest: It's time, Rose.
    Rose Nylund: (raises hand) Check, please!
     
  5. Boyfriend

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    You seem to mentally appraoch it as some kind of task that you have to do.
    It´s not about what you have to do, it´s about what you feel like doing and reacting to the other, which goes naturally.
    Nobody is keeping score of anything.
    You shouldn´t worry about the first impression, sex goes beyond that, you connect on a level that you don´t know up to know and I can´t explain.

    I am a shy boy, had no experience at all, not even kissed before and when he kissed me I thought I would faint and I just wanted sex straight away. When we were in his room, we barely had time to get undressed before we came. Embarrassing? No, just passion. And plenty of time to make it happen again and again. Talking about everything but anal here, cause he didn´t want to take me that day, he build that up nicely. Starting with fingering.
    I was lucky to have a very experienced boyfriend.
    Just spending time getting to know eachothers body and sensitive spots is AWESOME.

    And yes there can be awkward moments, but we just laugh.
     
  6. Anshel

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    Don't be afraid and don't get drunk, it'll ruin everything(for me it did). As greatwhale said
    . I think that's the best advice that can be given.