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Old Friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sardonic, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Sardonic

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    Hi guys,

    I was talking to a friend of mine who I've been friends with for over a decade. He's pretty much the only person I talk to that lives within 20 minutes of my family. We were messaging over League of Legends and he was talking to me about life. He was a little high. The subject of bisexuality came up and I was telling him about some of my recent experiences with discovering it and all. And then he brought up a conversation that we had had years ago, like 3 years, and it was about experimenting. I remember that the conversation took place, but not much about it.

    He told me that "I still remember that convo 2 or 3 years ago, where we were sitting on the couch and you were talking about experimenting" and then followed it up with "there's nothing wrong with it, why were/are you so worried about this" and then we started talking about gay sex. He kept hinting at me that he was interested--asking a lot of questions and some other stuff about like my own perceived preferences (top/bottom, shaved/not, etc etc). I had a sneaking feeling that it was leading to something. He started talking about the fact that he suddenly had a stiffie and I was like o.0

    Anyway, what it boils down to is that he's coming over tomorrow night, and there's an explicit intent of experimentation.

    So here's my dilemma:

    First: He claims to be straight, but "open to life" I am inclined to believe this, so it won't be anything serious/long term. I'm definitely not banking on it. I am interested mainly because I feel the sexual experience would be valuable for when I do find someone interested.

    Second: He's been my friend for over a decade, and I don't want things to be awkward between us afterwards. At the same time, we rarely talk anymore and the possibility of it being even a regular FWB seems compelling to me. He's separated from the rest of my life and so I feel like it would be easier to not get attached to him.

    The thing is, although he is a valuable friend to me, I think that a hookup or even FWB might be something that is a valuable learning experience for me (I have 0 experience), and that I would enjoy. I've not got much planned for my summer and I am prone to depression, so this might help me through that.

    On the flipside, being rejected again sounds highly unpleasant, although bearable. What would really suck is if we do something and then it's awkward.

    I also think there's a slight chance he might not really be all that straight, because he seemed very eager to get into sexual conversation, and so on, but later on displayed a tiny bit of cold feet. If he were more secure in his sexuality, then I surmise he would be more confident about having fun experimenting. His hesitance is natural but could be a sign.

    If that's the case, there's a large possibility that we do something and then he feels guilty or confused and cuts ties with me because of that, as well.

    I could be wrong about all of this, but I would like people's advice on what they think is the best course of action for me to take.
     
  2. greatwhale

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    It's a bit like a "When Harry met Sally" situation isn't it, old friends who've known each other for years, had marriages, ended them and finally, decades later realize that there's more to their relationship.

    I don't know, how do you feel about him (without the sex part)? Being friends before being lovers is probably the best way to have an intimate relationship. I wouldn't do it, however, if all you want is "experience", do it because you have true affection for him, he may have more affection for you than you think and the way you interact will be affected by the motivation behind it.

    He may feel awkward after, but then it's up to you to be sensitive to that, and to talk about it before, during and after. I believe however, that if you are doing it from affection, from a true desire to be with him, I suspect, but of course can't be sure, that he may find this more satisfying in the end.
     
  3. Sardonic

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    Nvm. apparently it was the weed talking. that's cool.
     
  4. Lakota

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    he got cold feet.
     
  5. Sardonic

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    Yep, I think he is questioning then.
     
  6. Fellow

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    Well first of all, I also play LoL and would be interested in playing with you one of these days ^^
    Now about your friend, nothing better than a true heartful conversation about each others real feelings, I believe that's something that can never hurt a friendship.
     
  7. Sardonic

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    UPDATE: i'm trying to talk to him, I have been trying to talk to him for the last week. He hasn't responded to multiple facebook messages, nor messages on LoL. I know he's online, and has at least some idea that I'm trying to contact him, but he's stonewalling me. I've sent more than one apology & explanation, telling him that I'm really not interested in him and that I was just responding to how he was treating me. That if it was a joke, I'm sorry I didn't realize that, and tht I'd like to have a nice talk and hang out as friends.

    I haven't gotten a single blip back and I feel really angry and horrible about it.
     
  8. Anomander

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    I'm sorry to hear hes stone walling you. If I was in your shoes and someone was talking to me like that knowing I was bi I would be thinking he was hinting around to being interested. Although as I am sure you saw from my other post, I have enough problems interpreting shit like that. =(

    Also, while its been some time since I have smoked anything... blaming the weed is a bad excuse. Its like blaming alcohol.. you know what they say drunk words are sober thoughts.

    On a side note, I to used to play LoL

    Small world =P
     
  9. Sardonic

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    Another update I guess... another 10 days have passed without a word from him.... I don't know what to do. I think I've lost my best friend.... I'm really really frustrated about this. Do I try to give him more space or do I speak up and ask him whats going on with him, why he did it.... If he'll even contact me...