In March my BEST friend (Let's call her K) and I got into a fight that ruined our friendship. I am going to try my best to explain it, but sorry if it seems confusing. 1st Issue: A mutual friend (Friend C) of our got involved in our issues when he shouldn't have, and it didn't concern him. I was living with Friend C and since moving out I am no longer friends with him due to various reasons, this being one of them. 2nd Issue: K thinks I wasn't honest about my intentions with another mutual friend (Friend J), and claims I almost ruined their friendship (K & J). In reality I was just trying to make a new friend myself. I had no intentions of dating Friend J or anything, just wanted another friend. 3rd Issue: Friend J mentioned in the 2nd Issue was telling K that I said I wasn't going to pay her back $50 I owed her, when I never said that. I do owe her money and I have the money now to pay her back. I was broke for the past few months and was forced to move back in with my parents. So to sum it up, other friends got involved when they shouldn't have. Basically, I am posting because since our friendship ended it has been really shitty. I cried for a long time when it initially came to an ending, and I'm still not over it months later. K was my first close friend from high school that I came out to (she herself is gay), and I really miss her friendship. I would LOVE to move on from this and try to rebuild our friendship, but I don't know how. Any advice? I haven't spoke to her since late May, when I asked her what exactly ended our friendship, and before that I hadn't spoken to her since mid-March.
Honestly... This sounds very silly... but not because of you. It sounds like there are just a bunch of misunderstandings that should be cleared up, but they can't really get cleared up unless your... former friends, I suppose, listen to you. Talking to them seriously and maturely would help. Also, it wouldn't hurt to give K her $50. If you guys really are bosom friends, reconnecting will be easy and things will get back to normal. If not... You tried, and there are others out there who you can befriend. It may suck but you can't change how others perceive you, if you've pretty much done all you can. I wish you the best =)
I would just bring it up with her [in oerson, phone, text, email, etc] and just tell her it was a misunderstanding. Lay it all down on the line, and tell her what you want out of the relationship. Tell her you want to be friends with her, and you miss her. And then just see how it goes from there.
It's like an alphabet soup here! j/k You might try rebuilding your friendship slowly to give K time to warm up. Return the money and expect nothing. As you can see, financial issues can quickly ruin any relationship. IMO, you should only borrow from relatives, if at all. Like Luthan said, you can't force people to change their minds; friendships are based on trust, and so people should trust you to do the right thing. This is assuming borrowing isn't a recurring problem; people have differing standards on how long borrowing is tolerated (Did you say when you were going to pay back?). Also, you should now be wary of J since you never know what else might be said behind your back (and a true friend would not spread rumors). If you can rebuild your friendship with K, then she should not listen to such rumors.
Have you tried talking to K recently? I would pay her back her money, and then tell her you missed her. Just see how it goes. It can't hurt to try talking to her about things. Good luck.
OK, so really weird since I've posted this... I contacted K and we were supposed to meet today so I could pay her, and I wrote a letter explaining things. And then she texted me this morning with "small chat" type comments. We never did end up meeting today, but tomorrow we are going to try. THEN...this evening I was browsing the internet and I got a message from J, saying Hi and that she hoped I was having a good summer... Weird day today. And thanks for all of the advice.
Thank you everyone again for the positive feedback. Last night was the first outing I've had with K since the disruption. Felt good to be with my friend again.
