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Coming out to them was great, but now i wish I hadn't

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by phoenixverde, Jun 30, 2013.

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  1. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    So my Mom keeps saying crap about how I shouldn't hang out with gay people too much because I she doesn't want me to just start having sex with everyone.

    She told me that I shouldn't date for YEARS because she doesn't want me to get wrapped up in a woman and lose myself. (Cause I am such a weak person that I take on the identity of anyone I am around)

    I was teasing my brother about this girl who has a thing for him. I said...haha, well if you're not interested, I'll as her out. (obviously a joke) And my Mom was all...she doesn't mean it she is not dating for a while. She would never hit on a straight woman. I told her, I'll hit on whoever I want to.

    They are all singing praises for my husband because he didn't kick me and the kids out or kick me out, or try to have me declared an unfit mother because I live in the south. But me, I'm the freaking whore of Babylon.

    I should have just kept lying to them. Cause even though they are all supportive about me being a lesbian, hearing my mom's comments and acting like being gay means I am going to sleep around all the time. It is all hurting my feelings and I am just sick of it and it has only been 2 days.
     
    #1 phoenixverde, Jun 30, 2013
  2. Zam

    Zam
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    I am in the same situation,exept that she thinks I will go all fabulous and that I will whore around.
     
    #2 Zam, Jun 30, 2013
  3. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    It is so dumb and hurtful.

    I never slept around when I thought I was straight. Why would being gay make me just go have sex with everyone.
     
    #3 phoenixverde, Jun 30, 2013
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    She's dealing with internalized homophobia and masking it by the way she's framing things.

    You might try indirectly calling her on that... ask if she's apply the same standard to your brother hanging out with random girls, for fear it would make him want to whore around with them. Sometimes people don't realize they're holding a double standard until someone points it out to them. Or, if they do realize it, they know you're onto their game, and won't tolerate it.
     
    #4 Chip, Jun 30, 2013
  5. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    Thanks Chip. You're right. I didn't consider the internalized homophobia. I think that is exactly it.

    I mentioned how what she said made me feel. Her and my sister feel like I need to be sensitive to them adjusting to the news. They thought a joke I made was in bad taste. More so because my husband was there, but he jokes about me being a lesbian too and he didn't think anything about it. I've been scolded by my sister and told to be thankful that my mother is handling this so well. They said the comments she made were the same advice she would give straight or gay.

    I mentioned that I may be slightly over compensating and trying to show them how happy that I am. I said that I have only mentioned the good, because I do not want to discuss the dark side of all of this. I did mention that I am aware that my husband has "lost" a wife, but to keep in mind that I "lost" a husband and an entire future we had planned together. The freeing feelings I have mostly trump the feelings of loss, but they are there.

    None of this is about helping me adjust. It sucks. I don't know why I expected anything else. They are all fairly notorious for making me the target. The stronger of a person I become, the more they resent me.
     
    #5 phoenixverde, Jun 30, 2013
  6. catboy

    catboy
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    I am dealing with similar things even though I am not out to my mom yet. I am friends with an openly gay person and she makes as if we sleep together all the time or that he will rape me or something! It does wear you down after a while and makes me dread coming out to her even more. I have found then in most straight people's eyes homosexuals are apparently all whores. Stay true to yourself and never give in to their crap. I hope that helped :slight_smile:
     
    #6 catboy, Jun 30, 2013
  7. NEWFrontiers22

    NEWFrontiers22
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    LOL, some people do! But, I know what you mean though, it's seems like a good idea at the time, then later you think, "mabey I should have thought this through.":bang: At least, you've said it though, that alone will take some weight off your mind. :thumbsup:
     
    #7 NEWFrontiers22, Jun 30, 2013
  8. phoenixverde

    phoenixverde
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    Thanks for the support.
     
    #8 phoenixverde, Jul 1, 2013
  9. Munyal

    Munyal
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    Some of my friends reacted similarly, and started calling me "whore" and "slut," etc. and when I pointed out that they were doing it the same amount as me (none), they stopped.

    If you have any LGBT friends, maybe you could introduce them to your mom so she could see how un-whorelike they are. By extension she may realize she was wrong about you.
     
    #9 Munyal, Jul 1, 2013
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