I grew up in a small town in Southeast Asia. My parent have 3 son, and I'm the second one. Both of my older and younger brothers are "very" straight. They play sport well, work out and cool. I'm totally loser at P.E in highschool, although I look straight and been taught to behave like a man ( especially, when there are 4 men in my family including dad) . Although, I m much better at language/ Art/ literature or music, I've been always teased by my brothers. In our conservative society, LGBT is not a sin but something being disgusted. Gay equal = uneducated,poor, pervert and feminine. Being taught that way, I've been very reserved, I decided to stay afar to observe people and try to find the best out of it.. On the one hand, I somehow believe what they said about gay, on the other hand I still cannot deny my sexual orientation and I need to find my other half. I left Vietnam and came to Finland a year ago for studying. Meaning that the environment totally changed. Gay are slightly more accepted here, the mindset seems different. Being away from home ( no more family& friends observers) , I started stepping inside the gay world ,firstly by making a profile in gay dating website for nordic countries and started to meet people live. After a year with lots of brand new experiences, i have to admit that I hate being gay. Well, to be honest being gay is not a problem, since I am still doing good. its just the people here. Like mayflies heading into the blame. They burn themselves in bar, one night stand, crazy hunting & hook-up. What I've been taught about gay, uneducated may be wrong since pretty much gay are scholars, but pervert is true. Their sexual desire is just unable to fulfill. I felt deeply insulted when happen to learn that some caucasian date an asian for a "tighter hole", an african for "a bigger stick". Personally, I dont think it as "a matter of taste". Thats is dehumanization ! I stopped meeting gay, and started with bi . I dont know my reason to do so, I just think being straight or at least close to straight like being bisexual may be better. Thats true in a way, that bi guys behave nicer. ( maybe they learn that from their girlfriends). Bi guys are more musculine. I have dated a bi guy. Both me and him still in the closet, yet I am willing to come out just to hold his hand in the street. However, he said he want to be with me ( most of the time in our private places), but he need to move on and marry a woman. I decided to break up. He insisted on being friends ( with discreet sex). I was really over sensitive about sex.Thinking of him just want sex but not relationship makes me feel insulted. After all, why I gave love but not get love back? I still feel bi guys attractive but I definitely dont want "friends with benefits" . Is it true that bi guys want to have sex with other bi or gay from time to time but , they only want to be serious with women? please help, Im so confused!
It is true; bi-guys do fuck around with men then sometimes settle down with women, but not always. I'm sorry but many whites be they European or North American, do indeed date Asians and black men just for those reasons, and straight white men for same reason as aswell, it's sad, but as they say it takes two to tango so.. More power to you! You deserve love and if he want's to treat you like that, than he's not worthy of your love. Cut him loose and move on, there plenty of fish in the sea.
