Is it rude to ask someone if they're gay?

It depends on the person, and their intent. If somebody is asking because they're getting that "vibe" and think it's fine, then I'll be ok with it. If someone wants to make fun of me, then of course not.

 

Yes, most of the time I think it can be rude. I think that if a deep rapport has developed or you are in a situation that clearly indicates the likelihood of being GLBT, then it's fine. If a person is involved in GLBT events and causes, then it's ok to discuss the events, and see if they are willing to open up to you. Some people don't bring it up because they don't have a significant other and don't want to discuss their being single. It is inappropriate when it's for curiosity and broadcasting. We've all seen sitcoms or real life situations where a guy in school is sitting at the college's student union or food concession and a girl he knows sits down, and sort of tauntingly asks "Are you gayyyyy?" That's not because the person asking is a friend or is concerned, but because they have a bad attitude to begin with. I would never ask a woman such a personal question, unless she was at least a friend and felt she wanted to share information about her personal life.

 

Its fine most of the time. Can be a shock if you arent already in conversation, but so long as its not mocking then its fine.

I have been asked loads of times, and it just clarifies things, everyone knows where they stand. Im out so i spose if ur in the closet u might feel differently.

 

Hmm it depends. Personally, I think it's no ones business whether your gay or not. Like others have said. If their intent is "pure" like wanting to get to know you better or out of friendly curiosity. I wouldn't mind saying "yeah " but if they just want to pick on you over something like that... Well their intent speaks a lot about them and their character. And people like that are very troublesome.

Daffodils represent Respect. If someone disrespects you, then they did something wrong. Take care!

 

I take it offensively, mostly because I've never been asked in a "I just want to know" way, there has always been a hint of malicious intent.

 

I wouldn't want anyone to ask me unless I knew them really well. The only people I want to know right now already know, with one possible exception (still not sure).

 

My thought is, if you ask you better be interested or have a genuine cause for asking.

 

This is a really good person, because their was this guy that I worked with for abit and I badly wanted to ask him just to see, because I thought he was cute and maybe we coudl start a friendship but I thought it would just be to awkward if he just said "no, what makes you ask that?".

 

In a world where no one was ever hurt for being gay and no one ever felt ashamed of their sexual orientation, then it would not be offensive to ask if someone is gay.

That being said, most people do not live in that world, and thus we get into sticky situations with outright asking.

 

I would say that it's most definitely rude to ask a person about their sexuality.

If they are strangers, it's not any business of yours. If they are a close friend, it's still not any business of yours.

If a person wants to volunteer the information out, it's their choice. But asking is inherently rude.

 

Before I read all the comments, I wanted to say 'depends on the situation' but maybe it is a bit rude to ask outright. Or not rude, just inappropriate..? I think in most cases it is. Maybe if it's your aunt or uncle you're asking, that's fine but if it's a friend who might not be that comfortable with discussing it, then it's not a good idea.

 

i don't think you should ask, unless you are in a situation in which it is relevant. one reason i think this is because it could be awkward for someone if they are in the closet, and force them either to come out when they are not ready or to lie to you.

 

I think most of the time the person would think it's pretty rude if he/she is really sensitive about the subject. If a person is openly and cool about it, I guess it's not that rude, but still.

 

It really shouldn't be. And with some people, it's not been a problem But I can imagine with those who think looking gay is as like surrendering your penis/breasts/vagina there and then, I can see that it's a problem. :L Alas, I'd wait until you have a level of trust.

 

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and it's a tough call.

Speaking for myself, I'm not out, but my reasons for not coming out aren't that I'm scared of what my friends/family/society will think of me. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and I know, for a fact, that everyone I know will not have any issues, whatsoever, if and when I do come out, but I still have other issues that I need to overcome so that I can be comfortable coming out. But what's so unbelievably frustrating and annoying is that everyone else just doesn't understand that sometimes, knowing that others won't have an issue with your sexuality just isn't enough. No one understands that there's a bunch of internalized homophobia, self-hatred, feelings of isolation and inferiority, etc. that you have to overcome in order to be comfortable coming out. As a result, everyone oversteps their boundaries and makes me uncomfortable with their mentality of "he knows I'm not homophobic, so if he's gay, he'll have no problems telling me!" And I've been asked a few times if I'm gay, not because people suspect it, but for various other reasons, and it makes me stupidly uncomfortable.

On the other hand, one of the biggest factors that contributed to me not accepting myself when I discovered that I was gay was that everyone just kind of assumed that I was straight by default. Around the time I hit puberty, everyone, my parents, my friends, my teachers, my cousins, etc. constantly asked me "so, are you into girls yet?" or "are there any girls you like?" Not once did anyone say something like "so, do you know yet, are you into guys, girls, both?" or "are there any guys or girls you're interested in?" Everyone just kind of assumes and expects that you're going to be straight, which in turn creates an environment where you also assume expect and expect that you're going to be straight, which leads to you feeling unpleasantly surprised and isolated from your friends, family, etc. when you discover that you're not straight. This is also what generates the need for people to come out which, frankly, is just an awkward, uncomfortable thing that no one should have to go through.

Here's what I'd say: If you're asking because you're curious, you suspect that the person might be gay, or you're doubting the person's sexuality, then yes, it's extremely rude to ask if they're gay. Even if you think they're closeted, chances are they're closeted for a reason, so just leave them alone. If you're asking someone because you want to date them, well...it's kind of a grey area, so just proceed with caution and use your best judgment. But if you're just having a casual conversation with someone and the subject of dating or hot guys/girls comes up, and you ask something like "so do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" or "are there any guys or girls that you're interested in?" I think that's fine and, personally, I'd actually be happy if someone asked me that rather than just "do you have a girlfriend?" or "are there any girls you're interested in?" because it's a sign of progress.

 

The only time I would be offended by someone asking me if I was gay, is if they were asking not out of curiosity but by being rude and undermining. I have no problem if someone would ask me if I was gay if they didn't ask it in a tone as if they were talking down to me like I'm trash. Other then that I would also get offended where and when I was asked, if the person asked in front of a group of people instead of privately, then I would be super pissed because there may be some people that I don't want to know because they will be super rude. But if it was privately, and its was in an acceptable tone (not talking down to me) then I would have no problem especially if the person who asked was a friend of mine, or someone I would trust.