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Advice needed. Friend/Roommate. Confused.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nodak89, Jul 2, 2013.

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  1. nodak89

    nodak89
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    Hello,
    I am looking for some advice. I will tell you my story and hopefully you can help me out. Sorry if it gets long, want to make sure I tell you everything I can.

    There is this coworker that I like. I have liked him ever since I got to know him. He is the same age as me and has similar interests. He and I became friends. He later purchased a house and asked me to be his roommate. I rent the basement from him and pay half the mortgage. I have lived with him since Sept 2012. I have also become more of friend over time, we are now best friends. My problem is that I have been "studying" him and am still not sure if he is gay or not. I feel that I should have this figured out by now.

    He does know that I am gay. I told him about 2 months ago. His reaction was awesome. We talked for awhile and has no problems/issues with it at all. There are 2 reasons that I told him. One reason is that I wanted a friend I could talk to if I ever needed to. The second reason is hard to explain. In my mind I figured that if I told him that I was gay, he would tell me he was gay. A "Put the ball in his court" type of thing. I have heard nothing back from him tho. I really want to know because I care about him very much and have strong feelings for him.

    How do I find out if he is gay? Do I just ask him? If so, how do I do that without threatening our friendship? I do not want to offend him and make things weird with our friendship and roommate stuff.

    Please respond if you have any advice for me. I am stuck and do not know where to go. Also, if you have any questions please ask. I hope I painted a decent picture of what is going on in this post, but I may have forgot some things.

    Thanks,
     
    #1 nodak89, Jul 2, 2013
  2. derrik

    derrik
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    you seem to have a clear understanding of how you two get along

    I suspect if he was gay - or questioning - perhaps he would have spoken up or made it obvious.

    Even if he were gay and you just not his type - he probably would have told you his thoughts

    Sounds like he straight
     
    #2 derrik, Jul 2, 2013
  3. nodak89

    nodak89
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    I am not sure about that tho. He is 23 years old and has never had a girlfriend. Also, never talks about girls like most guys do... and when he does it seems fake. Those two things, among others, are what have me confused. IDK Maybe I am thinking/looking too far into it since I have feelings for him.
     
    #3 nodak89, Jul 2, 2013
  4. Perhaps

    Perhaps
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    Sounds like the guy that I like. He rarely if not, ever, talked about a girl. Perhaps he'a just a good friend. I know it hurts, but that's how life is. It also might mean that he's not the one for you? Who knows? Perhaps he's just really not out to anyone, including people in his position. Could be denial, but who knows?

    Just investigate him for a little while longer, and then you could decide what you want, to keep hoping, or to just move on.

    Best of luck~.
     
    #4 Perhaps, Jul 2, 2013
  5. LD579

    LD579
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    Those points you bring up don't seem like enough 'evidence' that he likes other guys. Plenty of guys don't bring up girls all the time... whether they like girls or don't.

    I think you just have to let him go in a romantic sense. If he does come out to you, of course you can be supportive, but he may just genuinely be straight, which is what I am guessing. There are other guys out there who'd be able to reciprocate a relationship with you. Perhaps looking for other guys would be a nice place to start? Just getting intrigued or interested in other guys may be helpful, perhaps.

    It may sound forced from him when he brings up girls around you because he knows you're gay and can't relate to talking about girls in that way. That's just a thought I had.
     
    #5 LD579, Jul 2, 2013
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