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Moving on as best friends after dating

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by livinglifefree, Jul 4, 2013.

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  1. livinglifefree

    livinglifefree
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    I have been struggling a lot lately. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about a month ago. We were in love with each other for a year before we dated though. When she broke up with me at first, she never really gave me a valid reason. She claimed to still be in love with me and then later that she was really depressed, which made her feel undeserving of me and confused. She has suffered from depression for a long time and has been acting strange so it made a lot of sense. For a while, maybe two or three weeks, we were in a weird in between relationship. We weren't together, but we agreed to not date or sleep with other people and we had sex with each other several times. Our goal was to work on getting back together. Then last weekend after we were talking she said that she felt like I was pressuring her and that she wanted to just be friends and for us to each date other people. I was crushed, but understood. Then she texted me the other day and said "I am not in love with you anymore I don't think." I am still crazy in love with her and given her past confusion and the use of the words "I think" I am not sure what to believe. We have been best friends for 7 years so cutting her out of my life to move on is not an option. I recently blocked her and the girl she started fooling around with on facebook then I texted her and told her that I thought we shouldn't contact each other for the next ten days. I was hoping the space would help us both. We usually, even since the break up, text every day all day long. It is only the second day of our no contact and I am already struggling.

    My question is, how do we move on as friends when I am still in love with her if she never wants me back? Every time I talk to her, I am pulled deeper into loving her. I just don't know what to do anymore. Especially because her actions, the way she acts around me, and the way she talks to me all indicate that she is still deeply in love with me.
     
    #1 livinglifefree, Jul 4, 2013
  2. phospholipase

    phospholipase Guest

    Sometimes it's better to chop her off until you feel better, even if it will take a long time. At this rate, seeing her and knowing she's got a new toy won't do you any good. You can be friends with her again when you won't be jelly or upset, maybe when the attraction is gone or directed towards someone new.
     
    #2 phospholipase, Jul 4, 2013
  3. biggayguy

    biggayguy
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    I know this will be hard to hear. I think she may be keeping you as a back up; just in case things don't work out with this other girl. You should try to stay busy so you aren't thinking about her all the time. It sounds like she is playing games to me.
     
    #3 biggayguy, Jul 4, 2013
  4. xwitnessx

    xwitnessx
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    you and i seem to be in a pretty similar boat. my girlfriend also just dumped me this past week over her depression, except she doesn't want to be with other people, at least she says. she says she's not ready for a relationship. but anyway. if you guys were best friends before and during, you can be best friends again after. i think it's going to take time apart for you guys first. which i'm sure will be hard as hell. don't contact each other, and focus on yourself. do the things you enjoy doing and be with people who make you happy. once you feel like you can think about her and not be hurt, move forward with speaking again and eventually meet up for something casual and see how it goes. if it's brought up quickly again about getting back together, give it more time. good luck!
     
    #4 xwitnessx, Jul 4, 2013
  5. livinglifefree

    livinglifefree
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    I don't know that she was trying to use me as a back up, but I definitely felt like I was making up for the gaps in their relationship when we were talking, which is a huge part of the reason I told her that we shouldn't talk for a while. I don't know how I can cut her out for longer than ten days though. I am already struggling. I know this girl is just sex to her, but it still definitely hurts. I just want her to miss talking to me as much as I miss talking to her. Thank you all for the feedback!
     
    #5 livinglifefree, Jul 5, 2013
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