And the Oscar goes to...

Me. I'd um...Well, first off. I'd like to thank the guy sitting next to me who got up so I could walk up stage over yonder without crawling over him and looking like an ass. Thank you, guy- from that one movie where you played a man with a face. And um, thank you Academy. I'll cherish this statuette always, since it makes the perfect bookend and arranging my bookshelf in just the right position is really such a bitch. And anyway- man. Who else. Oh. My wife. You're a bitch but I love you. And my kids. Be good for the babysitter because she's literally the only one we could find this late and the only one who'll put up with you twerps. And okay. I'd um, also like to thank the people in the movie I made. Richard Dupoint, you're an amazing actor. And I only say this because you knew where to find the best PCP. Tammy Livergreen, you're a shitty actress but I like your tits. And last but not least, the director Steve Monty. Thank you for calling me a callous, sexist and pathetic excuse for a human being- I've put that on my business card. Which by the way, bitches, is Sepia, and in 9 point Courier font.

And the oscar for most horrific trainwreck of a dress worn by a washed up soap actress is...

 

Me I'll like to thank my grandmother for lending me the dress and her wonderful fashion advice.

And the winner of the most hideous green teeth goes too.

 

I would like to thank the capitol for the elphaba-esque surgery, but they messed it up, iy was supposed to be the skin, not the teeth.

And the Oscar for the worst dance moves goes to...

 

Me! I'd like to thank my inspiration, Michael Jackson, for showing me exactly what not to do to win this award.

And the Oscar for the worst grammar goes to...

 

Me I just want to thank myself for being idiotic enough to cal myself happydavid and thank everyone on this site for having more sense than me.

And the winner of the person with the saddest poodle goes to