What Funny Quotes to you have? I'll start: If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. "A Wise Man Should never play leap frog with a unicorn." If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun. Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? If today is the first day of the rest of your life, then what the hell was yesterday? People usually get what's coming to them...unless it's been mailed. If your parents didn't have children...chances are that you won't either. Join the Army, Go to distant lands, meet interesting people, kill them! If you can't convince them, confuse them. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them! I have not yet begun to procrastinate. EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later. The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy There is a fine line between the sane and the insane. I walk that line. Walk with me. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! On the other hand, you have different fingers. One night, as I lay in bed, I looked up at all of the stars in the sky, and thought, "Where the hell is my ceiling!?!?!" You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin Beware of limbo dancers! (written at bottom of bathroom stall door with arrow pointing down) My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it was, you're lucky to get out alive! If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkey's and apes? "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." Sorry about the length
