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S&A Gone Wrong

Discussion in 'Fun and Games' started by Nitro, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. Nitro

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    Support and advice, a cornerstone of EC, has gone horribly wrong! Submit your comical (not real) plea for help, and receive less useful advice.

    Example:

    OP - Dear EC: My penis fell off.

    A - Yo homie! *hug* To keep it tight, you gotta keep it west sîîîde. Work some crazy glue down there to keep your shit together. :thumbsup:

    So now that that is all cleared up perhaps someone could be of assistance:

    Dear EC: Recently my toilet told me to strangle the bus driver. This is but the latest in a string of morally repugnant deeds he has suggested we do. He wasn't always like this. We used to make such a great team, like peanut butter and jelly, we were. I've already contacted Dr. Phil for on TV couples advice, but they have turned me away. What am I to do?
     
  2. Brett

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    I'm afraid you must burn him.
    It's the only way to banish the evil spirit that posseses his bowl. He will thank you in the next life.

    Q: My foot only has 5 toes? Is this a problem? Will affect my sex life? Can I get a toe transplant?
    Thanks in advance!
    -ToasTy
     
  3. ToasTy- Don't worry about it, hun. Things like this are normal. Your partner should love you for who you are, not for how many toes you have. You should talk to your doctor about it if it's really bothering you. But rest assured, I know plenty of people will only 5 toes on their feet! And they all live completely normal lives.

    Q: i wuz havin hott sex wit my bf and the condom broke... now im afraid hes pregnant. what shuld i do i dont want a kid rite now im not rdy for it
     
  4. Brett

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    Might I suggest having sex with him constantly untill the baby decides to leave?
    Or you could just burn him.....he'll thank you in the next life.

    Q: I am a gay man, but I don't have a penis. Instead, I have a vagina......is this a problem?
     
  5. No, it just means you're a straight woman instead! Welcome to the new you!

    Q: PENIS GOES WHERE??????
     
  6. Brett

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    A: In the nose of course! Or you can stick in the oriface located between the spleendar and the sqeedally-spooch. Either one is FANTASTIC!

    Q: My BF and I are haveing a real rough time of it lately.......he's always taking me out to fancy restaurants and then making me let him pay!!! I realise that I'm poor, but does he have to rub it in?!
    I can't take much more of this? What should I do guys?
     
  7. Nitro

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    The penis is not so much an appendage as it is a state of mind. Become one with the penis and enlightenment will surely follow.

    Dear EC: I was reading this erotic novel and it got me totally hot. I think I am sexually attracted to words. What does the bible have to say about people like me?

    EDIT: (to respond to the BF query): Your BF is a bus driver isn't he? You should follow the advice of the above mentioned toilet and strangle him. Then become one with your penis.
     
    #7 Nitro, Nov 19, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2008
  8. You have a sugar daddy! Take advantage of it, bitch, or I'm gonna steal him from you! On second though, where does he live? I'm taking him anyways.

    Q: My bf wants me to do something really weird :/ He says it feels really good when I hug him. I don't know about this... it seems too weird. And, he won't even have sex with me! What's wrong, please help!

    EDIT: Oops too late. Okay.
    The bible says you are going to hell. I suggest you make sweet love to those words while you can. Watch out for papercut!
     
  9. Brett

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    A: OH god! You just have to tell that boy NO!
    Hugging is so degrading! I can't believe that there ar people out there that still do that!! You gotta get outta that relationship honey!

    Q: Last night, I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly, the air just got all around me! The air surrounded me and climbed all over me and started touching me in the wrong places. I can't tell my parents, they'll think badly of me! What do I do guys? Cuz I'm pretty sure that the air....mollested me.......
     
  10. I'm sorry to tell you this... but you were molested. Tell your parents immediately. If they don't believe you, find someone else- a cop, a teacher, anyone. Remember, it's not your fault. The air is a bad person who needs to be locked away, you didn't do anything wrong.

    Q: I'm 12, and my penis is only 18.7 inches... is this normal? Am I a freak? What can I do, do those pills work? Please help I'm really worried!
     
  11. ColbieMarie

    ColbieMarie Guest

    No, that's completely normal. You should keep taking the pills and I'm sure your penis will increase in size to about 25 inches.


    Sometimes when I lay in bed at night I fall asleep. Sometimes this sleep can last for 8 hours. Is this normal? It's like I'm dead for a few hours. Does this happen to anyone else?
     
  12. Oh Lord, honey, please tell me you won't do that again! It's very dangerous- you might oversleep, or not wake up at all! Go to your doctor immediately! It's very urgent!

    Q: Please don't judge me, I want help. Sometimes, when I'm by myself, I get these weird urges. I know the bible says it's bad, but I can't help myself. I start to want to... drink water. And it's too strong, and then I go and drink some water. Please help me! I don't want to drink water anymore!!!
     
  13. isnessofwhatis

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    Admittance is the first step to recovery from addiction to water. I suggest you find your local chapter of WA by calling 1-800-wateranon. In the mean time whenever you feel the urge to drink water substitute another liquid such as beer or vodka. If the urges get to bad or you go into bad withdrawl go to your local emergency room or call 911.

    ------------------------

    Q:

    I have two cats who are constantly taking over my bed and they won't let me sleep on my own bed. They force me to lay on the cold tile floor. What can I do?
     
  14. bleep

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    Pee on your bed. They will pick up the scent and realise you have marked your territory. Remember to redo it, in case the scent fades.

    Q. I'm... I'm... worried about my... well, it's kind of embarrassing, but I'm reaching my teens and... well... growing hair. But, like, on the top of my head. I'm pretty sure that's not normal. Help?
     
  15. It's okay- don't panic. It's completely normal. At your age, some people like to experiment with what they like- cutting it, styling it, even coloring it! Don't worry about it :slight_smile:

    Q: Well, sometimes when I'm at school... I find myself staring at girls. It's really embarrassing. I... I think I might be straight! Help!
     
  16. BeautifulStranger

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    This is very serious and punishable by law. What I would do is take a sharp implement and the next time you look at a girl, stab your eyes until you can see her no more.

    Q: I have a perfect GPA. What's wrong with me?
     
  17. lonejerseydevil

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    I can't quit you baby, but I'm gonna have to put you down for a while.
     
  18. Linkmaste

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    ^I suggest you try asking that question to a legeally normal person.

    Q:I keep trying to walk up the wall but I keep falling down. Is there ANY way I can get to my location which is the celing?
     
  19. starfish

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    A: The problem is that you lack sufficient momentum to generate the centrical force needed to over come gravity. Many people suffer from this ailment and many companies makes products to help. My favorite is Acme, they have good prices and fast shipping.

    Q*: I left for work yesterday morning and my car stalled a couple of miles down the road. So I walked home and found my son making out with another boy. Do you have any advice?


    *This question might sound serious, but trust me it is a set up.
     
    #19 starfish, Nov 20, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008
  20. Brandford

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    say Go (Insert Child's name here)! and buy him two boxes of condoms and plenty of lube and some birth control just in case

    Q: My dog wont stop staring at me, i told him its rude to stare but he wont listen, what should i do?
     
    #20 Brandford, Nov 20, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2008