read my story?

here's an excerpt from a short story I'm writing. please let me know if you would read a story if this were the "sneak preview" thing on the back of the book, or if this makes you want to read more. I'm deciding whether or not to enter it into a writing contest at my school. any opinions would be greatly appreciated, especially if they are negative or constructive criticism!!

thanks!!
-Miles

Danny turned from his left side to her back, and immediately a torpedo of pain shot through his head. He closed his eyes and drew his blanket over his face. Slowly, awaiting the eminent return of his massive hangover, he opened one of his eyes, pulled the blanket down below his nose and gazed beside him at the beautiful creature laying next to him that was Jordan. Danny tried to recall any events from the previous night, but any memories seemed to have been eaten away by the fierce mix of cocktails, wine coolers, Jell-O shots, and beer bongs that had been consumed at the party last night. These, Danny deducted, were definitely the culprits of the current situation he was in—naked in bed with his male lab partner from Biology, with a headache that could surely put the entire human population out of commission.

After admiring his bedmate’s angelic body, he stumbled out of bed into his bathroom. Danny examined his sagging eyes, mussed greasy hair and lack of clothing in his bathroom mirror. After splashing ice-cold water on his face, he returned to his bedroom and lay on the bed, admiring Jordan’s face. He had high cheekbones, a narrow jaw, and a tiny, button nose. Even with his mouth open, a little bit of drool escaping from the corner of his mouth, and his hair being askew, he was still the most beautiful creature Danny had ever set eyes on. The alcohol had definitely affected Danny’s brain function, because he had yet to analyze why he was waking up naked in bed with a guy. Besides the obvious answer, which was alcohol, Danny sought to dig deeper—needed to dig deeper. Not a need as in a passing fancy, a need as in a desire, a necessity. Had the feelings, the connections he had felt toward guys all these years actually been alluding to the fact he was gay? What about all of those late night parties, hooting and hollering with his guy friends about the hottest girls in school and in the movies? What about those feeling?

Waking Danny back to reality, Jordan stirred and groaned with an understanding of the gigantic headache shared by them both, reminiscent of the migraines of young adulthood that took place during Calculus finals, only on a much bigger scale. As Jordan opened his eyes and rubbed them as though they were sand paper, Danny put his hand on Jordan’s cheek.

Jordan drowsily opened his eyes and mumbled, “What happened last night?” Danny knew he had no answer to this persistently occurring question; all he could do in reply was shrug his shoulders, smile sympathetically and continue trying to answer the numerous questions still swirling around in his own head.
After the two boys were dressed, awaiting the arrival of Jordan’s father, a Catholic minister, they chatted while sipping steamy cups of black coffee. While purposely ignoring the one most important question, the subject of how to act at school tomorrow came up. Danny was the first to speak.

“What was last night?” Danny immediately wished he could have taken those words back and sugarcoated them a little. Instead, he went on. “If you don’t want this kind of life, then I need to know. It’s fine, just tell me.” Of course, the idea that this magical night would be pushed to the back of their minds like an old pair of shoes in a closet was utterly not fine. But for some reason, Danny needed to tell himself that the night and all the baggage that came along with it were no more important than a stroll in the park or a shrug of the shoulders. Jordan and Danny put down their mugs in unison, but Jordan was the first to speak.

“I really like you, Danny, as a friend. Nothing happened last night, and nothing ever will. We can be friends, we should be friends.” The blood visibly drained from Danny’s face and he exhaled a long, audible breath. Even as it was happening, Danny didn't know why. What more had he wanted than a beautiful love-filled evening with one of the most beautiful guys to possibly ever to walk the planet?

A loud car honk snapped Danny back to reality. Jordan gathered his things, and walked out the front door without saying goodbye. Danny sat in a daze, just staring out the window at the perfect blue sky. The tears flowed from his face and soaked his shirt, until he was so exhausted he crawled into bed, once again, not knowing who he was, or what was going to happen next.

 

maybe I'll post the entire thing once I'm done

 

*bloop*

 

Here's the very beginning, the part that comes before the above excerpt.



Danny Ferguson was hustling down the hallway, trying to squeeze past the cliques of friends that reliably formed before the late bell every morning. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted his clique, and he quickly changed direction and pushed his way toward them.
“Hey, Danny!” Chris said almost at a yell to be heard over the clatter of high schoolers. Chris had been in the same class as Danny since the second grade until this year, their senior year, and if you found Chris, then you found Danny. This was true except for the fact that Chris was a huge jock, and Danny slightly more intellectual, but not to the point of nerd-dom. “We missed you at the game last night! Where were you?” Chris always was ragging on Danny about something he was or was not wearing, somewhere that he was and should not have been, or somewhere he should have been and was not. Danny knew better than to tell Chris that football and cheerleaders were not his main priorities, and that he had spent the previous night watching TV and simultaneously doing his A.P. Calculus homework.
Instead of replying to Chris’s sarcastic question, Danny raised his hand and half-heartedly waved goodbye. He took out his iPod, stuck the ear-buds in his ears, turned the volume up too loud, and went away to somewhere else, anywhere else. He slipped away from the clusters of people and walked to the opposite end of the school. This was where the nerds and losers hung out before school, and if “cool people” mistakenly ventured away from their comfort-zone to visit, it would be the equivalent of social suicide.
Danny continued to wander, every so often absentmindedly switching his messenger bag to the opposite shoulder. He kept looking, searching, but for what? Or who? He wanted to find something, but what? He felt empty. He needed to find that missing piece. He sat down on a cement bench, but sprang back up, silently cursing himself for not noticing the morning dew had accumulated on the seat. While brushing off the butt of his pants, he felt a tap on the shoulder. He swiveled around to find Jordan, a Junior with short, buzzed-cut hair, a big contrast to Danny’s nearly-shoulder-length curly hair. Jordan and Danny were lab partners in Biology. Jordan was very smart, and his small features perfectly complemented his petite frame. Danny’s eyes fixated on Jordan’s face and then slowly moved down. Stop looking at his package. Danny snapped his eyes back to Jordan’s face.
“What’s up? I never see you before school, usually. Where is Chris?” Jordan’s voice was like an angel’s voice, soft and smooth, like wrapping you up in a fleece blanket. Small talk was made, about school, grades, and friends. The bell rang, and Jordan walked away towards his first class. Stop looking at his butt.

 

let me know when to post part 3/ if you're still interested in reading it.