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Joke Book

Discussion in 'Fun and Games' started by Linus, Aug 22, 2016.

  1. Linus

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    I haven't checked recently to see if there's already a thread for this, but last I recall I didn't see any. let me know if I'm mistaken.

    Basically, a place for jokes!
    Which jokes are your favorites? They can be known jokes, or jokes you made up yourself!
     
  2. Linus

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    Okkkkaaayyy then. I'll start, If no one ninja's me first.

    How can you always tell what Dick and Jane are going to do next?

    (Does anyone not know Dick and Jane?)
    (It's a children's book series for kids learning to read. You know; "Run, Spot, run!" or whatever. Kinda old.)

    Answer:
    They're easy to read!


    ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2016 at 07:06 PM ----------

    Ok, since I'm in a joke telling mood, here's another one.

    In Sunday school, the teacher asks the children where they think God lives. A young girl raises her hand, and when the teacher calls on her she says: "I think God lives in our bathroom."
    When the teacher asks her why she thinks this she replies: "Because in the mornings dad often pounds on the bathroom door and says "God, are you still in there?"
     
  3. Rainbow Lantern

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    Lately I've been liking a lot of gay jokes. Like for example I once read someone joking a pick up line "you're so beautiful I can't think straight around you." Also as a random note I thought it was funny when you said "if no one ninja's me first." That happens to me all the time (I take way too long to post once I start typing - oh and I also thought the jokes you said were funny for the record).

    Other jokes I found on the internet - (on pinknews or something - it was a list of lesbian jokes) they were kind of like:

    -straighteners aren't worth your money - I've been using one for years and I'm definitely still a lesbian

    -such a double standard between men and women. When men sleep with lots of women they are called "players" but when I do it I'm a "lesbian"

    ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2016 at 12:50 AM ----------

    Oh I just remembered a joke I heard from the joker in batman the animated series!

    Two men walk into a bar...

    ...you'd think the second one would have ducked!

    Also my sister was watching a video of hyenas laughing and someone in the comments said something like "Mark Hamill provided the voice acting" or "Mark Hamill did a good job voice acting for this" or something like that...
     
    #3 Rainbow Lantern, Aug 22, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2016
  4. Linus

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    What is Gay Pride?

    Answer:
    A group of homosexual lions.


    Oh and this is another funny one:

    Son: What does gay mean?
    Dad: It means "to be happy."
    Son: Are you gay?
    Dad: No, son. I have a wife.
     
  5. AgenderMoose

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    I found this joke on tumblr once, but it only really makes sense if you've read (or I guess seen) The Great Gatsby.

    It's a pity they didn't cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby, since he's both Green Lantern and Deadpool.
     
  6. Linus

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    :frowning2: I haven't, but it's on my list... Now you've given me another reason to check it out! :grin:


    Okay here's one of my favorite jokes: A poor old woman is going through the dump with her cat, hoping to find something of value. After a while, she comes upon a golden lamp, and when she hopefully rubs it, a genie appears, promising her three wishes.

    The woman first wishes to be young and beautiful once more. This the genie grants as he points at her, and; low and behold, she is youthful once more.

    Next the woman tells the genie, "I wish I were rich!" At this, the genie points at a nearby pile of trash, and the rubbish instantly turns to gold.

    The woman is very pleased. Now however, she thinks about how she never had a love in her life, always feeling lonely and unwanted. She wishes for a handsome young man who will love and care for her for the rest of her life. The genie, hearing this, points to her cat, turning it into a handsome young man. Then the genie disappears, leaving the woman very happy.

    After a moments consideration, the handsome you man(once being her cat) walks over to the woman. He leans over and whispers in her ear. "Now aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"
     
  7. redneck

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    This thread wasnt too old thought id bring it back

    This golfer is playing the front 9 of a golf course and looses count of what hole he is on. He sees a woman on the next hole and asks her. She says "You are a hole behind me and I'm on 7 so you must be on 6. The man thanks her and resumes playing.

    On the back 9 it happens again. He sees the woman and asks her again. She says "You are a hole behind me and i am on 14 so you must be on 13. Again he thanks her and finishes his round.

    In the club house the man sees the woman and buys her a drink and thanks her for being so helpful. She asks him what he does for a living and he says "I am a proctologist" and the woman starts laughing. She says well I guess you are still one hole behind me. He looks at her confused. She says I am a gynocoligist!