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lousy jokes, please post yours!

Discussion in 'Fun and Games' started by alfa juliette, Apr 24, 2009.

  1. alfa juliette

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    well lets get started:

    A man comes into a bar and says: "Hi it's me!"
    But it wasn't him.
     
  2. partietraumatic

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    a 10 tonne polar bear...

    ... just thought id say something to break the ice

    i know im sorry that is aweful hehehe

    :grin::grin::grin:
     
  3. Greggers

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    A man walked into a bar...

    ...ouch.
     
  4. theworld

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    person 1 "So I was thinking..."

    person 2 "Did it hurt?" :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Dazed

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    how do you know if a blonds been using your computer?


    there is white-out on the screen.
     
  6. Nodnarb

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    A priest, a rabbi, and your mother walk in to a bar.

    I don't remember the rest, but your mother is a whore.
     
  7. Daniel

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    Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
    The first turned to the second and said "Holy oatmeal it's hot in here!"
    The second looked at the first and screamed "AH! TALKING MUFFIN!"
     
  8. Mysterons

    Mysterons Guest

    Teacher: 'Bobby, use the word ''announce'' in a sentence.'
    Bobby: 'Yes, ma'am. Announce is one-sixteenth of a pound.'
     
  9. Mickey

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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    He was dead!
     
  10. kramer362

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    What's green and has wheels?

    Grass, I lied about the wheels.
     
  11. pookie

    pookie Guest

    Why did they kill Huapeng Chang?

    Because he was Youth in Asia! [Euthanasia]
     
  12. partietraumatic

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    ok this is a kinda long one...

    an old woman was driving late at night,and is speeding along way over the limit,when she got pulled over by a policeman. The policeman walks to her window and tells her to wind it down.
    "Are you aware you were going 100mph in a 50mph zone ma'am?"
    "Yes,i know what i was doing" she replies exasperatadly
    "Right ma'am in that case can i see your drivers lisencse then please" asks the police man
    "No you can't,i dont have a lisence"
    "You havn't got a lisence ma'am? well this is very serious,can i see your insurance to drive this car" demands the policeman
    "No you can't, i don't have any insurance"
    "Ma'am can you please tell me the lisence plate number of this car" says the policeman
    "No i can't,i stole it an hour ago and i don't know the number"
    The policeman is taken aback and says "Right ma'am this is a very serious issue,im going to have to ask you to remain in your car while i call for my superior officer."


    After a few minutes the superior arrives. He walks up to the car and says to the woman "My colleague says hes had some problems with you. Can i see your lisence"
    "certainly. Here it is" she says and hands her liscnce to the policeman
    "Right and can i see your insurace papers"
    "Certainly" She says,and hands over correct insurance papers for the car
    "Right ma'am and can you tell me the number plate of this car?"
    "Yes; its HK41 MLP"
    "Very good ma'am but my colleague told me you said you had no lisence or insurance and had stolen the car?"
    The woman replied...

    "and i bet the lying b***ard said i was speeding too!!!"
     
  13. Callie

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    How do you entertain a blond a whole night? You give her a paper which says 'turn' on both sides.
     
  14. Mr Bojangles

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    A women horrendously ugly, but good chef walks into a supermarket and buys a cucumber, a carrot, a parsnip and a gourd. The guy at the checkout says
    'God, you're lonely.'

    'Have you been to the RSPCA Offices? You Couldn't swing a cat in there.'
     
  15. prester

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    Where do baby apes sleep?

    In apricots


    The old ones are best (not)!
     
  16. CraziInsani

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    Its sad I'm laughing at these xDDD

    Why did the girl fall off the swing?

    She had no arms.
     
  17. littledinosaurs

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    This was on a laffy taffy thing but:
    Why Do Mellons have big weddings?
    Cause they cantaloupe!
    (haha)
     
  18. kettleoffish

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    two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff

    *ba-dum-tsch*
     
  19. Courtneyyy

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    So, a tall carrot goes up to a short carrot and says 'hey shortie'.
     
  20. Daniel

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    What has four legs, is green, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

    A billiard table.