OK...here i go... What do you get when there is a line of bunnies and one of them moves one step back? A receding HARELINE!!! hehe. well, I thought it was funny.
Ok heres another one. Pretty gross but incredibly funny (well at least I think so) I've recently joined a fisting group. I'm hoping to widen my circle of friends.
ROTFL I love it. Here's kind of a long one. A guy brings his parrot to a vet and the doctor tells him its dead. The guy says I dont believe you. So the vet turns around and whistles and a black lab dog comes and sniffs it and walks away. See? the vet says. I still dont believe you the guy says. So the vet whistles again and a cat comes and sniffs the bird and walks away. The guy says well maybe you're right. How much do I owe you? $300 the vet says. The man is shocked and asks why. The vet says because in addition to me looking at it, you had Lab work and a Cat scan.
I have one dirty one, but I wont post that one up here. if you wanna hear it, message me. anyway, for a clean one... A man walks into a hardware store and asks if they have any bananas. the man at the counter says no, so the man walks out. the next day, the man walks back in, and asks if they have any bananas. the man at the counter says no again, and so the man walks out. the third day, the man walks in, and asks again. the man at the counter says "no, but if you come in here one more time and ask if we have any bananas, I'll nail your feet to the floor." so the man leaves, and then returns the next day. this time, the man asks if they have any nails. the man at the counter says no, so the guy asks if they have any bananas.
Corny, but I'm easily amused: Why does a chicken coupe have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
Okay, it's kinda gross and long, but I love this joke... This one guy's wife is expecting. One day he gets a call from the doctor who says, "Your wife just delivered a baby, come quick!" So the guy rushes to the hospital. When he gets there, the doctor says, "You're baby can fly! Let me show you." He gets the baby and throws it at the wall. It lands on the floor. The father is furious and yells, "WTF ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?" The doctor says, "No, no, no. I'm serious. Your baby has magical powers. Watch." He then throws the baby out the window. It precedes to splat on the floor. The father says, "YOU IDIOT! YOU KILLED MY BABY!" and is about to wring his neck when the doctor says, "I was only kidding. It was a miscarriage." I'm not good at telling jokes, so yeah, haha. xP
I got one and it is wonderful! Ok... I thought it was... first some definitions for those who don't know... agnostic = someone who questions the existance of God Insomniac = sleep issues... Dyslexic = ok this can be a few ways but generally you see letters/words backwards or what not. What do you get when you have an Agnostic, Dyslexic, insomniac? ...A man who lays awake every night wondering if there is a doG! teehee!
Ok, this one's REALLY sad and pathetic......but I laughed because I'm a fool... What do you call a donkey with three legs?? A wonkey! *shakes head in embrarrasment*
Stupid I know, but meh. Eve: "Did you hear the latest about Jane Simmons who lives over on the next block? " Sheli: " No, what about her?" Eve: "She had triplets. Then not two weeks later, she had twins." Sheli: "That's Impossible! How did it happen?" Eve: "One of the triplets got lost."
Here's one that made me laugh : A octopus walks into a bar in Scotland and says, give me any musical instrument you like and I will play it for you. The barman give him a guitar and he plays it better than Steve Vai, the barman gives him a piano which he plays even better than Elton John. In admiration the barman passes him a set of bagpipes, after a few minutes of fumbling the barman says 'whas the matter, de ye no know hoo te play?' 'Play? Play? I'm going to f**k her brains out as soon as I can get her clothes off!' :lol:
Lol! :roflmao: Very good guys! Here's one... A lawyer, a politician, and an accountant all die at the same time, and they find themselves in hell. They're standing together, and a booming voice says "Lawyer, step forward" and when he steps forward he finds himself in a hot, smelly room, and in the middle of the room is a rabid pit bull chained up. The voice says "Lawyer, you have sinned, and you'll spend eternity in this room!" Next the voice tells the politician to "Step forward!" and he finds himself in a room that is really hot, the smell is almost unbearable, it's dark and damp, and there is an angry cobra in the middle of the room. The voice says "Politician, you have sinned, and you'll spend eternity in this room!" Finally, the voice says "Accountant, step forward!" When he does, he finds himself in a beautiful room! There is soft light, it smells wonderful - like a meadow of wild flowers, and there are butterflies in the air. Best of all, there is a big round bed in the middle, and on the bed is Madona, in a very revealing nightie! And the voice says "Madona, you have sinned..." Just some accounting humour! Maybe I'll be the only one that gets it, but I'm used to it! :rolleyes:
Hopefully this'll make you chuckle..... NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives. "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.":roflmao: