Funny things I learned in the closet. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Ichi42go · 27th Dec 2010, 01:15 PM

So, I was bored. And generally, I am a humorous person, so probably the most irritating thing for me over the past few years is ALL THE WASTED MATERIAL! So, I made this. (And it's just meant to be funny. Yeah, one or two pick on the stereotype. Twilight fans, I apologize.)

(P.S. I don't understand my brain......)

Things I Learned in the Closet:

1. The boogieman is not such a bad guy… he just wants some attention.
2. If you plan to hide there until college, upgrade to a walk-in.
3. The key-slot is a much more affective peep-hole; cracking the door sets off gaydar.
4. Spending so much time with clothes give you plenty of time to work on your wardrobe.
5. Narnians are friendly.
6. Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…
7. Humor is the key to the closet door; as long as you have it, people won’t be able to get in.
8. Socks are kept in the dresser drawer, not in the closet, so ladies, if your man gets cold feet, he might be on our side.
9. Mothballs aren’t candy.
10. Sometimes you don’t want to come out… you just want to pull someone else in with you

.
11. It’s so dark in there sometimes it’s hard to fine yourself, but when you do, you look fabulous.
12. The actors in Twilight are too gay on both sides of the door.
13. It’s easier to jam gaydar if you don’t paint the door pink… I’m sorry… mauve.
14. When you go in, leave your inner child out; nobody suspects a five-year old, and keeping him in there with you is frowned upon in most societies.
15. It is possible that nobody knows you are in there, especially if you barricaded the door making it a push to come out, so I suggest you bring a cell phone, but keep your friends on speed dial and your family in the rolodex 10 steps outside.
16. Mine’s bigger than yours! (It’s a walk-in!)
17. Sometimes it’s tough to read, so I suggest you install “The Clapper”.
18. Hiding in there doesn’t always mean you are ashamed of yourself. It sometimes means you are ashamed of the people you associate with.
19. It is okay to install a sun roof. You will be fine. Even Edward Cullen can do it; it would add some sparkles to his wardrobe.
20. There are some really nice and understanding people on the outside. Don’t forget that. Being afraid is totally understandable, but it’s hard to hang out with people when you put a door between you. The only people who should be ashamed are the people who think it’s okay to tell you that you are wrong for being yourself, and that you should feel like less of a person. If there are people like that in your life, maybe they should get tossed in a 3x4 room for awhile just to see how bad it feels; mine’s vacant if you need it.

Ralivar · 27th Dec 2010, 01:42 PM

This made me smile

browneyedboy · 27th Dec 2010, 01:49 PM

Brilliant...i have a feeling that youll be a great ec member

loving the twilight ones

Saikou7 · 27th Dec 2010, 04:04 PM

This is funny
5,6, and 9 were my favorites

malachite · 27th Dec 2010, 06:14 PM

I think you and I would get along just fine in person

jonny · 27th Dec 2010, 06:24 PM

Epic! So funny and witty. I loved the last one.

Fintan · 27th Dec 2010, 06:27 PM

"It’s so dark in there sometimes it’s hard to fine yourself, but when you do, you look fabulous."

Haha!

Love it!!

Miyaga · 27th Dec 2010, 06:35 PM

this was really fun, thanks for brighting up my day. Cheers

NoPlanB · 27th Dec 2010, 09:24 PM

"Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…"

Haha. YES! XD

Ichi42go · 28th Dec 2010, 04:33 PM

People can feel free to add their own. I love new joke material. Glad you guys like what I've got though. I like making people laugh, but I never felt right saying any of this stuff before because of political correctness. Here, I figure it's pretty obvious that I'm NOT bashing anybody.

(I Think its so unfair how people would react if a straight guy said this

)

malachite · 28th Dec 2010, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ichi42go

6. Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…

I thought that was just masterbation

kettlkorn · 28th Dec 2010, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ichi42go

6. Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…

I thought that was just masterbation

That's 30 minutes in heaven you're thinking of...

alexi12 · 28th Dec 2010, 10:33 PM

the last one was my favorite

straal1972 · 29th Dec 2010, 07:33 AM

great. thanks for the giggles

malachite · 29th Dec 2010, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kettlkorn

Quote:

Originally Posted by malachite

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ichi42go

6. Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…

I thought that was just masterbation

That's 30 minutes in heaven you're thinking of...

I don't often take that long when I'm doing it myself. The clean up afterwards sometimes, depends on the fantasy I've played out

Beachboi92 · 29th Dec 2010, 09:42 PM

love this <3

TheWanderer · 30th Dec 2010, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ichi42go

People can feel free to add their own. I love new joke material. Glad you guys like what I've got though. I like making people laugh, but I never felt right saying any of this stuff before because of political correctness. Here, I figure it's pretty obvious that I'm NOT bashing anybody.

(I Think its so unfair how people would react if a straight guy said this

)

This is brilliant. Its 5am and I cant think of a better way to start my day than with a few good laughs.

Lotty · 18th Jan 2011, 06:39 AM

I'm lying ill in bed, there's no one to comfort me, no one to make a cup of tea, I've still got to study for my French test and my physics test tomorrow, and yet I'm giggling like a stupid barbie-doll!!!
Thanks for making my day

thedreamwatch · 18th Jan 2011, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fintan

"It’s so dark in there sometimes it’s hard to fine yourself, but when you do, you look fabulous."

Haha!

Love it!!

I just geeked out over this. Made my day!

InaRut · 18th Jan 2011, 11:32 AM

Definately made me LOL
I shall award thee "1 Win"

Don't spend it all in one place nawh!

27th Dec 2010, 01:15 PM	#1
Ichi42go Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I never got over that "girls have cooties" thing. Out Status: Many friends, and immediate family. Location: Vermont (Yes, we are a state) Age: 19 Posts: 88 Join Date: Dec 2010	Funny things I learned in the closet. So, I was bored. And generally, I am a humorous person, so probably the most irritating thing for me over the past few years is ALL THE WASTED MATERIAL! So, I made this. (And it's just meant to be funny. Yeah, one or two pick on the stereotype. Twilight fans, I apologize.) (P.S. I don't understand my brain......) Things I Learned in the Closet: 1. The boogieman is not such a bad guy… he just wants some attention. 2. If you plan to hide there until college, upgrade to a walk-in. 3. The key-slot is a much more affective peep-hole; cracking the door sets off gaydar. 4. Spending so much time with clothes give you plenty of time to work on your wardrobe. 5. Narnians are friendly. 6. Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game… 7. Humor is the key to the closet door; as long as you have it, people won’t be able to get in. 8. Socks are kept in the dresser drawer, not in the closet, so ladies, if your man gets cold feet, he might be on our side. 9. Mothballs aren’t candy. 10. Sometimes you don’t want to come out… you just want to pull someone else in with you . 11. It’s so dark in there sometimes it’s hard to fine yourself, but when you do, you look fabulous. 12. The actors in Twilight are too gay on both sides of the door. 13. It’s easier to jam gaydar if you don’t paint the door pink… I’m sorry… mauve. 14. When you go in, leave your inner child out; nobody suspects a five-year old, and keeping him in there with you is frowned upon in most societies. 15. It is possible that nobody knows you are in there, especially if you barricaded the door making it a push to come out, so I suggest you bring a cell phone, but keep your friends on speed dial and your family in the rolodex 10 steps outside. 16. Mine’s bigger than yours! (It’s a walk-in!) 17. Sometimes it’s tough to read, so I suggest you install “The Clapper”. 18. Hiding in there doesn’t always mean you are ashamed of yourself. It sometimes means you are ashamed of the people you associate with. 19. It is okay to install a sun roof. You will be fine. Even Edward Cullen can do it; it would add some sparkles to his wardrobe. 20. There are some really nice and understanding people on the outside. Don’t forget that. Being afraid is totally understandable, but it’s hard to hang out with people when you put a door between you. The only people who should be ashamed are the people who think it’s okay to tell you that you are wrong for being yourself, and that you should feel like less of a person. If there are people like that in your life, maybe they should get tossed in a 3x4 room for awhile just to see how bad it feels; mine’s vacant if you need it.

27th Dec 2010, 01:42 PM	#2
Ralivar EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Sydney, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 1,336 Join Date: Sep 2009	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. This made me smile __________________ I didn't know someone like you could ever like someone like me.

27th Dec 2010, 01:49 PM	#3
browneyedboy little monster Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: boysboysboys - we love 'em Out Status: about 5 friends Posts: 409 Join Date: Oct 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. Brilliant...i have a feeling that youll be a great ec member loving the twilight ones __________________ "Take my picture hollywood. . . I wanna be a star"-Lady Gaga

27th Dec 2010, 04:04 PM	#4
Saikou7 7-7-7 Full Member Gender: Male (男性) Orientation: Gay (ゲイ) Out Status: Facebook, everyone but extended family Location: AR Age: 17 Posts: 237 Join Date: Nov 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. This is funny 5,6, and 9 were my favorites

27th Dec 2010, 06:14 PM	#5
malachite EC's realist Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Orlando Posts: 6,480 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. I think you and I would get along just fine in person __________________ It's the 21st century, your bigotry is outdated. Either upgrade or go away.

27th Dec 2010, 06:24 PM	#6
jonny Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: Orlando Age: 21 Posts: 235 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. Epic! So funny and witty. I loved the last one. __________________ I'm proud but I'm not loud.

27th Dec 2010, 06:27 PM	#7
Fintan EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: My Family & some Friends! Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 28 Posts: 540 Join Date: Aug 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. "It’s so dark in there sometimes it’s hard to fine yourself, but when you do, you look fabulous." Haha! Love it!!

27th Dec 2010, 06:35 PM	#8
Miyaga EC 's Gay Chef Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Who Doesn't Know? Location: New York City Age: 23 Posts: 452 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. this was really fun, thanks for brighting up my day. Cheers __________________ "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." "Live today like it is your last, no regrets, no second guesses, just truth and happiness."

27th Dec 2010, 09:24 PM	#9
NoPlanB This is a warning, a courtesy call Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Homoromantic asexual Out Status: Still in the closet Location: Michigan Age: 20 Posts: 289 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. "Seven Minutes in Heaven is much better as a two-person game…" Haha. YES! XD __________________ We all want to be somebody We just need a taste of who we are We all want to be somebody We're willing to go, but not that far

28th Dec 2010, 04:33 PM	#10
Ichi42go Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I never got over that "girls have cooties" thing. Out Status: Many friends, and immediate family. Location: Vermont (Yes, we are a state) Age: 19 Posts: 88 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. People can feel free to add their own. I love new joke material. Glad you guys like what I've got though. I like making people laugh, but I never felt right saying any of this stuff before because of political correctness. Here, I figure it's pretty obvious that I'm NOT bashing anybody. (I Think its so unfair how people would react if a straight guy said this )

28th Dec 2010, 10:33 PM	#13
alexi12 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Chicago Area Age: 18 Posts: 371 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. the last one was my favorite

29th Dec 2010, 07:33 AM	#14
straal1972 EC chat slayer Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: I'm out to everyone who's important to me Location: Outside of Barrie On Age: 39 Posts: 510 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. great. thanks for the giggles

29th Dec 2010, 09:42 PM	#16
Beachboi92 Occasionally Caddy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: queer Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Frederick Maryland Age: 19 Posts: 2,226 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. love this <3 __________________ All men are created equal, it is only men themselves who place themselves above equality. David Allan Coe

18th Jan 2011, 06:39 AM	#18
Lotty Everybody's fool Regular Member Gender: Mostly female Orientation: I've given up on that one. Out Status: I don't hide it. Location: Holland!!!<3 Age: 17 Posts: 460 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. I'm lying ill in bed, there's no one to comfort me, no one to make a cup of tea, I've still got to study for my French test and my physics test tomorrow, and yet I'm giggling like a stupid barbie-doll!!! Thanks for making my day __________________ .That's myself in the mirror.

18th Jan 2011, 11:32 AM	#20
InaRut EC's Nu-Disco Walrus Full Member Gender: IRL Yaoi Character Orientation: (｡◕‿◕。) Out Status: ㅎ_ㅎ Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 7,111 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Funny things I learned in the closet. Definately made me LOL I shall award thee "1 Win" Don't spend it all in one place nawh! __________________ "The first duty of every Starfleet Officer is to the truth. Whether it's scientific truth, historical truth, or personal truth. It is the guiding principle to which Starfleet is based. If you can't find it within yourself, to tell the truth about what happened, then you don't deserve to where that uniform."

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