[Sci-Fi]Captain the ship is..[Fun!]

[InaRut]

New game for the games thread created by the loveable walrus:

In AD 2101 War was begining. We are part of the loyal crew of the U.S.S Empteh Clossettes. A galaxy class exployer ship used to discover new worlds, new civilizations, and to bang humanoid (or non humanoid-who am I to judge?) alien specimens. The only problem is, is that things just keep going wrong on our spaceship! Luckily, we've got a crew of smart and handy trans, lesbians and gays who can quickly fix the problem before the episode is over!

Poster 1: Says a problem with the ship!
Poster 2: Says how to fix the problem using logic, sci-fi knowledge, or just plain sillyness. And then finds a new problem.
Poster 3: Was a redshirt ensign and unfortunately died. There is no more third poster, he's dead Jim.

Captain, a newly discovered insectoid alien spiecies has created a hive like structure within enginering--- and they are using our red shirts ensigns for sustenance!

[Rosina]

*Stowaway-Straight peers out and spies in insectlike creatures munching on red shirts*

*With a cunning idea, she nips up to the art centre via the ventilation system to borrow a can of green dye*

*Waits until the aliens are sleeping and proceeds to recolour the tops thus denying them of their food source and they quickly disembark the ship in search for other red clothing*

*Returns back to her nest in the ventilation system BUT... not before she spots something... She writes a hasty note reading, "Captain, you might want to check the dark but menacingly sparkly shadow down in Sector 12 of the loading bay that's slowly growing...*

[Ghostly]

Is third poster dead 0_0?

[InaRut]

(Hahahaha Epidemic. This is why you never wear a redshirt on a starship)

*Finds the menacingly sparkly shadow thing that slowly is growing. Scans it to find out that it is a lifeform anomly that seems to be feeding off of gay energy.*
*Tries to confront the lifeform to stop it from eating all the gay away making everyone on the ship straight...the straight people on the ship SUPER STRAIGHT.*
*Alien refuses to stop and continues to eat gay energy*
"What if we put all of our crew's porn into the computers scan ray and overcharge the anomly? Surely that would cause it to combust. Like a balloon with too much air!"
*Does just that and the lifeform is defeated*
*Cue captain's ending monologue*

But Wait-- Captain everyone's valentine/secret crush has disappered off the ship and been replaced with Crazy Homophobic Alien Cultists! AND THE PROM IS TOMMOROW. *shocked face*

[Ghostly]

Originally Posted by InaRut

(Hahahaha Epidemic. This is why you never wear a redshirt on a starship)

*Finds the menacingly sparkly shadow thing that slowly is growing. Scans it to find out that it is a lifeform anomly that seems to be feeding off of gay energy.*

ROFL!

*sets a trap for "Crazy Homophobic Alien Cultists!"*

Omg the trap failed! D;... oh but wait he is in Captain everyone's valentine/secret crush's room
*locks door and telivizes The Teletubbies( super gay edition) on every single tv screen*
It looks like it made him melt 0_0... wow he really was homphobic...

Omg but Captain everyone's valentine/secret crush turned into a robot! :0

[InaRut]

*Sneak up on a robot and searches his mainframe to find out where the REAL valentine/secret crushes are held*
*Finds out that it was another ploy from those DAMN EVIL HOMOPHOBIC ALIEN CULTISTS.*
*Hooks up the robots to the navigational computer and flies off to where the secret crushes are being held*
*Saves all the sexy men and woman, but keeps the robots in storage for times when anyone would need *Double the fun*[hehehe]*

But Captain, (Illustrated for your convience)
(There is a bomb on the ship!)

[Nitro]

Somebody set up us the bomb.

* In an excellent use of foreshadowing, dies sometime during the episode. Wakes up, gasps, the death sequence was thus far a dream. A bomb on the ship? Set weapons to maximum!

* Sent in power tool wielding lesbots to remove the bomb.

Commercial break:

- Flannel brand power tools: Fuck yeah! (TM)

* Bomb removed but in the process had to remove power to the reverse thruster array. The ship is now hurtling towards a star.


Commercial break:

- Onstar: for when your breaks don't work.

* (less than a minute of show)

Another damn commercial break:

- Do you dislike the way your nose looks? Afraid you might have gangrene? Want to lose some weight? Introducing [your region's] favourite limb removal drug, Amputex, now in chewable tablet form.

Warning, side effects may include: phantom limb syndrome, heterotopic ossification, mild decapitation, name calling, death. Talk to your doctor if side effects persist or are currently pregnant. Ask you doctor if Amputex is right for you.

* Tries to reverse the ship's polarity [Does that even make sense? Well actually no, but the regular writer is sick. And why are the weapons still at maximum? You're fired for questioning such a brilliant script.] but the conversion field emitter is not initializing all the ... vectors. To get the emitter online one must travel to the backup auxiliary emergency vector initiator, in the aft section of the ship. But to get there in time one must travel through the engine compartment and suffer a lethal dose of gaydiation.

* The second third poster dies along with several red shirts as predicted in dream sequence but the ship's polarity is changed long enough to make it out of the star.


But wait! The crew are stuck in space with no direction or speed control and the crew are running dangerously low on lube. Is this the end of U.S.S Empteh Clossettes's crew?

[malachite]

No! If the crew shut down all but minimal life support, and use red shirts as lube, it may be possible to escape, however the ship will be manually controlled and there just so happens to be a collapsing proto star in this sector, which they can use to ricochet out of the danger zone.

*100 red shirts were killed in the execution of this plan.

But, once free the automatic computer gets a virus can will not respond on commands and a black hole is pull the ship in!!!!!

[InaRut]

Originally Posted by malachite

and use red shirts as Lube

^ First of all.

Hmm looks like it's going to be one of those episodes with a time limit eh?
"30 minutes till we are sucked in!"
If we reroute the holodeck systems and incorporate it with the computer's mainframe that may be just what we need to create a virtual world which we can interact with the computer.
*The Grid, a digital frontier. I tried to picture clusters of information as they moved through the computer. What did they look like? Ships,motorcycles... were the circuits like freeways? I kept dreaming of a world I thought I'd never see. Then one day...I got in.
*Cue Daft Punk: Tron Soundtrack*
*Explores the Grid having a light-cycle adventure and throwing plenty of discs*
*Defeats the virus and in doing so manages to escape the black-hole by diverting all power to (including lifesupport giving the crew the last 2 minutes of the episode trying to stay awake...just...a ...little longer) engines and using a photon blast with warp OVER 9000 and getting the Fudge outta there.

*We're safe! But in going that fast we've accidently travelled far into the Bible-Belt quadrant of space that belongs to the Homphobic Alien Cultists! AND THE PROM IS TOMMOROW!!!

Two scouter ships spot us. One stays by valiantly to distract us while the other goes to contact its fleet. (Cause they don't have enough money to pay the sub-space long distance hailing fees)