The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

kiersten · 18th Jul 2011, 09:58 AM

OK, so I was at a big music outdoor music festival weekend before last and, as has been the norm for about the last 5 or 6 years, people have been texting Chuck Norris stuff up onto the big screens. Thought this might be a little fun to see what people come up with or have already seen themselves somewhere...

I'll start it off:

Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Can't wait to see what others will post here! Should be good for a couple laughs too!

Gordon · 18th Jul 2011, 10:05 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone; the phone answers to him.

Super Trouper · 18th Jul 2011, 10:06 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

---------- Post added 18th Jul 2011 at 06:08 PM ----------

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.

blikeo · 18th Jul 2011, 10:32 AM

chuck norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down.

Bassbolt · 18th Jul 2011, 10:40 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants from them.

Hemera · 18th Jul 2011, 12:05 PM

Chuck Norris mother didn't give birth to him he roundhouse kicked his way out

heatqueen · 18th Jul 2011, 09:32 PM

Chuck Norris is never wrong. If something he says doesn't make sense, it's science that screwed up.

Random Dent · 18th Jul 2011, 10:13 PM

Chuck Norris does not sleep...he waits.

kiersten · 19th Jul 2011, 02:11 PM

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Beachboi92 · 19th Jul 2011, 05:08 PM

tornadoes don't actually exist, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks

Nazo · 19th Jul 2011, 05:14 PM

My favorite:
They decided to build a life-size monument in tribute to Chuck Norris' penis in Canada.
Why do you think it's called the CN Tower?

Random Dent · 19th Jul 2011, 11:24 PM

Chuck Norris' beard. 'Nuff said.

DarkClarity · 20th Jul 2011, 07:15 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't catch Pokémon, they simply jump into the Pokéball.

heatqueen · 21st Jul 2011, 12:26 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't need to travel. The world simply moves around him.

kiersten · 30th Jul 2011, 12:45 PM

Chuck Norris was originally casted for Braveheart, but then it would have been a 7-minute movie.

**lostinthought9** · 30th Jul 2011, 12:50 PM

Mercy · 30th Jul 2011, 12:51 PM

chuck norris is the only one who can tough mc hammer

SaphireMoon · 7th Aug 2011, 09:59 PM

Chuck norris has a vaction home...on the SUN

DarkClarity · 8th Aug 2011, 03:59 AM

Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia and fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

kiersten · 16th Nov 2011, 09:55 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

18th Jul 2011, 09:58 AM	#1
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... OK, so I was at a big music outdoor music festival weekend before last and, as has been the norm for about the last 5 or 6 years, people have been texting Chuck Norris stuff up onto the big screens. Thought this might be a little fun to see what people come up with or have already seen themselves somewhere... I'll start it off: Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land. Can't wait to see what others will post here! Should be good for a couple laughs too! __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

18th Jul 2011, 10:05 AM	#2
Gordon FOR SCIENCE! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay, really gay Out Status: Most of my family. Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 143 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't answer the phone; the phone answers to him. __________________ If I wanted to be sane I would see a psychologist. ~ Me.

18th Jul 2011, 10:06 AM	#3
Super Trouper ABBA & Eurovision <3 Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everyone that matters. Location: Portugal Age: 18 Posts: 1,168 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone. ---------- Post added 18th Jul 2011 at 06:08 PM ---------- Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it. __________________ Yaoi is my oxygen...

18th Jul 2011, 10:32 AM	#4
blikeo Well Known Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: My Parents and My Brother Location: Raleigh,NC Age: 17 Posts: 165 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... chuck norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down. __________________ Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

18th Jul 2011, 10:40 AM	#5
Bassbolt ROAR! Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Not particularly fond of labels Out Status: Mother and 2 friends Location: Ireland Age: 16 Posts: 42 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants from them. __________________ Feel like everybody else just needs to see through different eyes.

18th Jul 2011, 12:05 PM	#6
Hemera you have her eyes Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Enough for me as of right now Location: Massachusetts Age: 19 Posts: 537 Join Date: May 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris mother didn't give birth to him he roundhouse kicked his way out __________________ just like b r o k e n* glass to me*

18th Jul 2011, 09:32 PM	#7
heatqueen Official #1 fan of Celine Dion Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual/Homoromantic bisexual Out Status: Generally whoever asks Location: I travel a lot Age: 20 Posts: 5,707 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris is never wrong. If something he says doesn't make sense, it's science that screwed up. __________________ Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Co-founder of the 'Sailor Moon Made Me Gay' club...and the lesbians.

18th Jul 2011, 10:13 PM	#8
Random Dent Liebe ist für alle da! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: La la la ladies Out Status: I don't care who knows Location: California Age: 27 Posts: 1,692 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris does not sleep...he waits. __________________ No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody Rita Mae Brown

19th Jul 2011, 02:11 PM	#9
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

19th Jul 2011, 05:08 PM	#10
Beachboi92 Occasionally Caddy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: queer Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Frederick Maryland Age: 19 Posts: 2,226 Join Date: Jul 2009	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... tornadoes don't actually exist, Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks __________________ All men are created equal, it is only men themselves who place themselves above equality. David Allan Coe

19th Jul 2011, 05:14 PM	#11
Nazo Janis Ian's Lesbian Crush Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Facebook, not hiding at college Location: Michigan Age: 19 Posts: 2,071 Join Date: Dec 2010	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... My favorite: They decided to build a life-size monument in tribute to Chuck Norris' penis in Canada. Why do you think it's called the CN Tower? __________________ are you feeling like a prisoner are you living life the way you want giving time to ones you love are you giving time to who you are

19th Jul 2011, 11:24 PM	#12
Random Dent Liebe ist für alle da! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: La la la ladies Out Status: I don't care who knows Location: California Age: 27 Posts: 1,692 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris' beard. 'Nuff said. __________________ No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody Rita Mae Brown

20th Jul 2011, 07:15 AM	#13
DarkClarity Just a miserable pile of secrets. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 4 Bisexual. Out Status: Not out at all Location: England, UK Age: 17 Posts: 1,025 Join Date: May 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't catch Pokémon, they simply jump into the Pokéball. __________________ I'm not a human being. I am merely a product of capital. I solely exist to carry out the will of capital. I will work, comsume and die all in order to preserve the status quo, to preserve inequality, famine, poverty and injustice, to preserve individualism and materialism, to preserve Capitalism.

21st Jul 2011, 12:26 AM	#14
heatqueen Official #1 fan of Celine Dion Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual/Homoromantic bisexual Out Status: Generally whoever asks Location: I travel a lot Age: 20 Posts: 5,707 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't need to travel. The world simply moves around him. __________________ Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Co-founder of the 'Sailor Moon Made Me Gay' club...and the lesbians.

30th Jul 2011, 12:45 PM	#15
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris was originally casted for Braveheart, but then it would have been a 7-minute movie. __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

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30th Jul 2011, 12:50 PM	#16
lostinthought9 EC's Biggest Xena Fan EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Louisiana Age: 21 Posts: 2,059 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... <3 __________________

30th Jul 2011, 12:51 PM	#17
Mercy EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Posts: 1,412 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... chuck norris is the only one who can tough mc hammer __________________ Some times the ones you least expect too whal in to your life and change it for the better

7th Aug 2011, 09:59 PM	#18
SaphireMoon Gamer Queen Full Member Gender: Female (MtF) Orientation: questioning but strong towards women Out Status: pretty much everyone except for family (bro knows) Location: about 2-3 hours north of the twin cities in MN Age: 23 Posts: 502 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck norris has a vaction home...on the SUN

8th Aug 2011, 03:59 AM	#19
DarkClarity Just a miserable pile of secrets. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 4 Bisexual. Out Status: Not out at all Location: England, UK Age: 17 Posts: 1,025 Join Date: May 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia and fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic. __________________ I'm not a human being. I am merely a product of capital. I solely exist to carry out the will of capital. I will work, comsume and die all in order to preserve the status quo, to preserve inequality, famine, poverty and injustice, to preserve individualism and materialism, to preserve Capitalism.

16th Nov 2011, 09:55 PM	#20
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: The inevitable Chuck Norris thread... Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.