Science made Stupid

Thor was having problems with the ladies. It seemed that no one except the most vile of frost giant matrons would so much as approach. Him. To remedy this, he took his might hammer Mjöllnir and some rock, struck the latter with the former and created magnetically charged rock; magnets. He then hid one in a beautiful mortal lass and used the other to tug her away so she couldn't run. The end.

Water molecules are polar.

 

Water molecules are polar because of polar bear deaths in the arctic circle. The deaths are caused by the rising temperatures related to global warming and the decreased habitat available to the bears to live. Water molecules on Earth were originally ionic, but the enormous amount of polar bear carcasses which decompose in the planet's oceans caused a significant change in the polarity of the molecular structure of water.

Any floating object displaces its own weight of fluid.

 

Dogs pee because of a chemical imbalance in their chest. As the dog heart beats small mistakes are made. As these small mistakes build up, some chemicals need to be released through the urine.

you can see more stars at night away from cities.

 

yeah the same as Android is better than Atari or Microsoft? Me personally, I love OpenAir 4.6, its a far better operating system, and you can install in anywhere you like, even your car, and also for those Amish 2 horse power trucks LOL

The sun BURNS

 

i know, i was reading an aricle about it today in the Daily Sun! it said that scientists at NASA have finally developed a camera that can handle landing on the surface of the sun to take photos of any life that is on it, but they fear that if they try to load it back in the space shuttle the tiny sun peeps will make everyone get sunburns in space. SAD! So they are planning the mission in about 200 years.

God made earth, fact not theory, I read it in black and white!

 

Actually my science debunks that. It was actually right in Egyptian mythology-- Amon Ra created all by performing autofellatio, sucking out his cum, then spitting it onto ground. See? I'll do that right now! Haven't you ever created earth like that? Hmmm?

My feet hurt.

 

Foot pain generally comes about due to a deficiency of sunlight in conjunction with a tendency to assume incorrect postures while balancing on street lamps. I would recommend leaving your sun on at night and taking three aspirin as well as avoiding street lamps at all costs.

Ice cream is wonderful.

 

Ice cream is only wonderful because we have been hard-wired to believe it is a comfort. It really tastes like shit. It was performed in a blind taste-test-- blue moon ice cream was tasted and found to taste 89.753% like pig manure.

I roar!

 

You were a dinosaur in your past life. When you were reborn as a human, you carried the roar over with you.

Copper makes fire burn green.

 

Well, obviously, copper makes fire burn green because copper is jealous, and green is the color of jealousy. What makes it jealous, who knows? It might be that harlot gold, or that strumpet silver... wither way, it's quite literally burning green with envy. Duh.

Heart beats.

 

Hearts beat because of the soughing of the ocean in combination with the gravitational pull of Pluto. This can be traced back to the creation of the universe, when the Great Heart That Beats pumped its first blood into what we now know as the sea this was all on a bacteriological level of course as some teenager left his dirty sneakers lying on the galaxy floor.

Seagulls sing beautifully.

 

Seagulls are evolved versions of Sirens, whose songs would lure sailors to their deaths. Sailors eventually got smart and started using earplugs, so the Sirens began to die out. In order to save their species, they evolved wings to lure not only sailors, but people on land to their deaths. However, years of evolution altered the hypnotic song to a peaceful one. Simple Darwinism.

Diamonds can only be cut by other diamonds.

 

Because diamonds live in the ghetto, they gotta be tough. They are so tough, that only another diamond from the ghetto dares stand up to it. Sometimes they use weapons, hence the cutting.

You smell.

 

I smell because those are my natural pheromones as produced in my medulla oblongata via the process of reverse osmosis. To some they are the sweet smell of romance and freshly mown grass in the daytime, to others somewhat repugnant. Either way you will find yourself becoming oddly attracted to me.

Your left eye is somewhat skew.

 

We all live in the Matrix. It's a glitch in the system.

Gravity acts on everything.

 

Gravity acts on everything because OBAMA IS A SOCIALIST. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE. SANTORUM FOR BENEVOLENT OVERLORD 2016!!!!!

Why do cars work?

 

Cars work because the Sky People ate the 23rd Ninja Cow Tree which then caused the advanced psychological evolution of a species of rabbit (hoppitus auto), who created technology far greater than ours. This allowed them to turn into what we know as "cars" and make us think that we are the ones that designed, built and controll them. But they're really just waiting for the right time to back over Earth.

Why do I exist?