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My Penis fell off, now what? An EC support and advice thread

Discussion in 'Fun and Games' started by Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012.

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  1. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    Humans are different after the Human Genome Project decided to FIX us all by making our cells work more efficiently.

    In 2062, we find EC still in business. They are that good, and not like McDonalds...which now serves just bun no burger to save money.

    There is one issue that is problematic. You see, just as cells die, and then fall off, and are replaced with new, like hair, now other things do too. Namely, a man's penis.

    Oh it will continue to grow until it is time for the cells to die and it falls off, and a new one starts to sprout. Also, like with hair, when you have a trauma, like an accident or death or cancer, in three months your hair falls out and your penis does too.

    It will grow back in, but it takes a while. And that can be a cause of depression and make for serious self esteem issues, previously only experienced by transmen. :wink:

    The other major change, and horror, is it can happen at any time. I have heard of it happening during a BarMitzvah, OY!

    So, here is the thread from the future, for supporting those sad men who have lost a penis and can't get up.
     
    #1 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
  2. ryanninjasheep

    ryanninjasheep
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    Ookkkaaayyyyyy...
     
    #2 ryanninjasheep, Jul 11, 2012
  3. frozenandbroken

    frozenandbroken Guest

    Yeah, my penis fell off during sexual intercourse with another man. And now it's lodged up there. Can you give some advice of what to do?
     
    #3 frozenandbroken, Jul 11, 2012
  4. Vanc

    Vanc
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    Errrrr..... *plays along*

    It's kinda like when the water breaks for pregnant women. "My penis just broke!!" lols :lol:
     
    #4 Vanc, Jul 11, 2012
  5. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    Oh that is a sticky issue, isn't it?

    Well, is he standing or laying down?

    The angle is crucial.

    Don't let him see it, it could make him panic and then tense up, but go get a pair of needle nose pliers and lubricate well.

    By the way, how are you doing?

    It is okay to cry, we are here for you. Every man loses his penis in an akward way at least once in his life.

    And at least it grows back!
     
    #5 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2012
  6. fleetingwells

    fleetingwells
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    Should I play along even though I don't have a penis...? I can imagine, however, that having your penis fall off can be a very big shocker! :eek:
     
    #6 fleetingwells, Jul 11, 2012
  7. frozenandbroken

    frozenandbroken Guest

    He's laying on his back Doc. And I'm doing well. Concerned for my partner, yet can't stop laughing at this unfortunate event.

    Can I use a vacuum to suction it out of there? I don't have any pliers..

    Oh, it does grow back again! Great!
     
    #7 frozenandbroken, Jul 11, 2012
  8. ryanninjasheep

    ryanninjasheep
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    Well you have lots of experience coping without one, give advice on that!
     
    #8 ryanninjasheep, Jul 11, 2012
  9. lonewolf77

    lonewolf77 Guest

    Im I the only one who thought "WTF?" when seeing this in the forum?
     
    #9 lonewolf77, Jul 11, 2012
  10. ryanninjasheep

    ryanninjasheep
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    I think everyone but DNB...
     
    #10 ryanninjasheep, Jul 11, 2012
  11. frozenandbroken

    frozenandbroken Guest

    You must not be from the future where this is a serious and sometimes inconvenient problem.
     
    #11 frozenandbroken, Jul 11, 2012
  12. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    EXACTLY! RyRy's great great nephew is right!

    You don't have one, but Im sure that is a problem cuz you wont grow one back in. So make sure to support him in advice how to have good sex with alternative methods while it is growing in again..

    ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2012 at 11:32 PM ----------
    YES, this is not a place to trivialize this traumatic event in a man's life. It will happen to YOU one day, sir! So give him support if you have no advice. Poor guy! his dick lodged firmly in his partner's ass and stuck. how awful!
     
    #12 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
  13. coolbreeze90

    coolbreeze90 Guest

    put it on ice!

    ...and then in my fridge for later :wink:
     
    #13 coolbreeze90, Jul 11, 2012
  14. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    Well, he can donate it, but it will shrivel fast
    I don't know how big it was to begin with, but it will have shrinkage from the cold water.
     
    #14 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
  15. coolbreeze90

    coolbreeze90 Guest

    hopefully big enough
    :grin:
    wink wink nudge nuge, know what i mean eh squire?
     
    #15 coolbreeze90, Jul 11, 2012
  16. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    okay, good, keep him calm, that is the most important thing. Don't get him aroused in any way or it could move farther up.
    Don't get him laughing! or CRYING!

    now, tell him to think of peaceful things, and focus on it. Then take some barbecue tongs, warm them in your hands first so not to tense him up, then gently get a grip around the edge of the penis, and slowly pull and twist just slightly back and forth until it starts to come loose, and tell him to just remain calm!
     
    #16 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2012
  17. frozenandbroken

    frozenandbroken Guest

    Oh no! His penis fell off from stress, and now he's freaking out even more after calming him down. What do I do?
     
    #17 frozenandbroken, Jul 11, 2012
  18. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    well, yes i do!
    But it is going to need good cleaning first.

    Also, you can always donate to science by DICKS-OF-LOVE. they need at least 10 inches, when pulled fully straight.
     
    #18 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
  19. frozenandbroken

    frozenandbroken Guest

    Ok, ok. It worked Doc!! Thank you! Thank you so much!! What is the best way to discard a fallen penis?
     
    #19 frozenandbroken, Jul 11, 2012
  20. Deaf Not Blind

    Deaf Not Blind Guest

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    Well, there is a recycling program in the United States of China. I don't know about CanMexico.
     
    #20 Deaf Not Blind, Jul 11, 2012
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