Bad advice ..

Feed it to the dog

I can't find my phone.
(Great idea btw)

 

Burn your house down - you'll find it eventually.

My mom won't shut up...

 

Grab a white bedsheet and use it as a Roman-style toga

I have broken my computer chair.

 

Eat until your fat lifts you up so you won't need another chair.

I'm procrastinating.

 

Already done that - that's what broke the chair

Search the internet for cat gifs - that will kill hours!

I'm hungry

 

drink water

my nose is itchy

 

Cut it off and it won't itch anymore

My friend is too boring

 

Meow for help

I dropped my pen.

 

Switch the channel to MTV. Now both ears have fingers in them

My fish is hungry

 

Feed it until its belly touches the bottom of the tank

Its too hot in my room

 

Tear down the walls. The wind will cool it down.

My phone is dead

 

Give it CPR.

I can't sleep

 

See how long you can stay awake for

I cna't slepl.

 

As long as the first and last letter are in the right place, it doesn't matter.

Herobrine is watchi-

 

Learn to finish your sentences

My house is haunted

 

Buy a ouija board.

I'm grouchy today. -.-