Ever since I was little (with a developed mind for me to retain memory) I've thought I was psychologically a male. Sure, I went through phases while growing up, such dressing more feminine to impress the opposite sex. When I was younger I remember crying a lot because the voice of my thoughts in my head would be a male voice. After rewatching old family videos I soon realize my actual voice was high pitch. Whenever I played role-playing games like "House" (If you all remember), I'd always prefer a male character and in this case, the brother. Even in my childhood dreams I were male. Specifically, in this one dream I remember having two MEs on a tall cliff. One was a girl and the other was a male. I was on the male's point of view and I remember pushing off the Girl-Self off and then hearing that she survived before waking up. Maybe this was indicating something? I'm 17 now and I still see myself as a male. Over the internet and on websites I usually refer myself as a male. I can see myself romantically involved with both genders, but I'm only bi-curious at the moment. I prefer "stereotypical" male activities and whatnots and I enjoy dressing that way as well, otherwise I'd feel uncomfortable and untrue to myself. It's like I'm male yet some other gender (out of the norm) that is mostly male and my biological femininity... If that makes sense. It's just that I do not see myself as female unless I think biologically, other than that I feel disgusted that I am a girl. I don't want to be identified be as a female, but male, yes. Yet at the same time I like being girl with books and stuff. It's like I want to be a guy but i also like dressing and being passed off as a guy yet a girl underneath. I do prefer to be referred to "him" or "he", but you know? Sorry, I'm not explaining this clearly, but as you see... I'm confused. xD And it's important to me to be aware of how I see myself.
Hi there and bravo for having the courage to question your feelings on things With regards to your post, you sound like you like being seen as a male more than a female. These are some questions I asked myself: * Would you rather be a father or a mother (if you have children)? Or neither, just a parent (genderqueer)? * Do you want to be someones husband, or wife? Girlfriend, or boyfriend? Or just partner (genderqueer)? * Where do you see yourself at age 30, 40, etc? These questions helped me realize that I was far more comfortable being female, someones wife, someones mother, than male. I'm curious what your answers are to these questions, it might help you find the direction you are looking for.
Welcome to the community, brother. I don't really know what to say to you. I'm a genderqueer still trying to work out what my own experience of my gender is. I don't really want to label you, because what you describe is different in important ways from what my binary transgender and genderqueer friends are describing. You've described a lot of things to me that tell me you're a man. You enjoy being seen as a man, and you have gender dysphoric experience. On the other hand, you did say you like being a "girl underneath." It's just so difficult to unpack. So... I'm not going to tell you you're a man unless that's how you feel. I still sense some conflict. The way I like to think about it is that all of this is significantly complicated by gender roles to begin with. Part of why we like to identity as non-binary anyway is to enjoy all of the wonderful qualities about being a human that get associated, unfairly, to the binary sexes. Ziester Adrian
I identify as being trans, prefer the male terms. Typically I pass as male everyday. I dont how ever enjoy the sports and such as alot of bio males. I like alot of things that typically would be considered feminine. I've had my hair short, had it long, dressed both ways. I prefer dressing male like and identify as one. My partner is also ftm (more so the masculine one of us both but my voice is deeper then his) anyways im just getting used to posting here
I face a lot of the same questions as i prefer to present male and use male pronouns, but dont identify with the binary at all. I feel i am a very "feminine" man and feel sometimes that im still kind of a "girl" underneath. I guess that i want to be seen as male bodied but identify outside the binary. From what you said maybe this applies to you too?
