(Note: I'm new to the forum, so I hope I'm doing this right...apologies if I screwed anything up.) Hi...I've been really confused about my gender identity of the late and was hoping I could ask for some advice from you guys. I could probably write a hundred pages about this craziness, but I'll try to keep it short-ish. =P So, about two years ago, I came out to my parents as a lesbian (how I chose to identify at the time). Thank god, they were totally cool with it...I knew I liked girls since I was young, but I never really thought much about it, strangely enough. So, yeah. Sexual orientation hasn't been a big deal for me (besides all the sucky people at school...). As for gender identity, that's where I'm most lost. When I was little, (like, 0-6) I didn't think of myself as either a boy or a girl, possibly because I didn't quite have the language around it. I just kinda did as I pleased, e.g. playing dress up and dolls, but also climbing trees and playing sports (though I've never been good at them!). For pretty much my whole life, I've dressed "like a boy", and never questioned why I did it until I was about eight. Whenever I played games with friends, I'd always want to be the dude character, and just thought of myself as being more on the masculine side. In middle school, people kind of sucked about it, getting up in my face about my dress style and personality and such. And don't get me started on locker room situations. It was about then I started to question my gender identity. I would probably describe myself as being 3/4 boy and 1/4 girl, but I'm just not really sure...I'm still a kid and change constantly. But I HATE having a female body, voice, and all that...It keeps my up at night sometimes, just thinking about it. I've considered asking people to refer to me as "he", but haven't made any kind of decision. My parents, as great and supporting as they are, seem a bit iffy around the whole subject. I feel that if I did decide to ask people to call me "he", they'd think I was overreacting, because I'm not super duper tough or whatever. I'm super confused. I just don't know what I want to do...if I'm trans, genderqueer, or something totally different. If anybody has some sort of advice, it'd be greatly appreciated! Thanks! - Spork
Hello. I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was questioning my gender, being uncomfortable in a female body was one of the biggest areas. My parents don't really support anything other than the normal, cisgender, hetero couple. So, what you really need to know is that trans* is a giant umbrella term for genders. There isn't a few strict choices that you have to choose from. There can be genderqueer, transgender, transsexual, ect. It's really your choice as how you want to label yourself. You should start off by researching all those fun choices. Really, you should be you. Express yourself in however you feel is right.
You're doing it right. Don't worry. Let me start by saying that only you can know whether or not you are trans*. I don't say this to discourage you from asking for advice on here, but rather to discourage you from taking any opposition you face from your family to heart. When I came out to my mother as bisexual, she was fairly accepting of it. However, she was quite un-accepting when I came out as transgender. It all depends on the individual and their world views. Don't let your parents or anybody else get you down. With that out of the way, I think you might be trans*. I don't know, of course, but I see it as a definite possibility. Keep up your self-reflection. You might want to try going by male pronouns with people you know will be accepting (even if that only means going by male pronouns on the internet--I know that helps me) to see how it makes you feel.
Dylansheadplace-- Thanks so much for the advice. I will definitely read up on those terms! :3 I hope things go well for you, too. ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2013 at 08:40 PM ---------- Exoskeleton-- Thank you so much for the advice. I think I will try to ask some people to use masculine pronouns, and I do usually go by "he" on the internet. Though it's still a process, I am leaning towards the thought that I am trans*, also since (I forgot to add) ever since I was little, I imagined my adult self as a man--rarely ever a woman. But yeah, I still have a long way to go, so we'll see. Thanks again!
I think i may be able to help here. As you can see in my little box right there to the left of this message, I identify as Pangender, meaning I feel I can't be accurately labeled as male or female (or any other gender). What this means for me is that instead of he/she him/her I'm more comfortable with they and them (don't care much one way or they other, but that's my preference). There is also Bigender, meaning you feel you can identify as both male and female, either at the same time or switching back and forth (not sure on the specifics, sorry). There was awhile where I thought I could be trans (I am physically male) and, despite still not being happy with the body I have, I know the situation would be the same if I were to become MtF. So while I identify as Pangender, I could also be Agender, I don't know. It might not be easy to fully determine which gender you are, especially in a world that mainly pushes for the gender binary. So you said that you feel you are 3/4 male and 1/4 female? That could indeed mean you are trans in the FtM sense, or you could be Bigender, or Pangender like me. Obviously there's more to consider than just the definition of each word, and in the end you may find that there isn't a word that quite fits you. As you said, you're still a kid, which means you have the ability to feel your way through it. It might be confusing, stressful or downright depressing, but you've found a place where people are willing and glad to help you through this and make it less confusing, less stressful, and help you stay positive.
Thank you very much for the advice and insight! I suppose pangender could fit my identity, seeing as I don't like being labeled nor do I fit with one nor the other. (And thanks for teaching me the term, it's new to me!) It's definitely a process and yup, I'm still changing, so who knows what I'll identify with in one year, two years, twenty years. Thanks again!
