Well.. Here goes nothing. Even typing this hard for me, but even since I was 15 I kind of knew I was a lesbian.. At the time I just kind of knew but then I got my first boyfriend and pushed the idea out of my head for several years. However, while in the relationship, I never found myself even wanting to fool around with my boyfriend..even though we had been dating for 2 years and very close to each other. I always felt as if it was wrong or there was something missing. Eventually that relationship came to an end and I started dating another boy for a few months and I found myself in the same situation, except it was worse this time- Kissing was a chore and I had no desire to get intimate. Now that I think about, I can't really recall the last time I had a genuine crush on a guy.. but on girls.. I never really considered them a "crush" but more of a strong urge to be their friend or just be around them. Now that I am in college, I shared a drunken kiss with one of my friends and it was probably the best kiss I have ever experienced despite it only lasting for a second.. This event left me more confused and frustrated more than ever. I won't lie, not one part of me wants to be gay.. but deep down I feel like it is inevitable and then there is another part of me that is afraid that it is just a phase. I know all my friends will 100% accept me..not sure about the family.. I think this is probably a big step just to be posting on here So I guess I'm really just asking for advice or similar experiences? thanks..
I'm the same way! I do have these times where I would like guys but then once I start to date them, all the intimacy....isn't there. Like you said, you felt like kissing a guy was a chore for me it felt like a responsibility because we were "going out" and he's "allowed" to kiss me whenever he wants even though I didn't want him to. Although I think I'm in love with a girl though, I think I'm leaning more towards bisexual which is still not definite because I am on the same boat as you. I don't think I'm okay with being gay unless I fall in love with one who feels the same with me...I think it's bad but I'm a really complicated person. I've had a chance to make out with my best friend but I didn't because I couldn't....? I have to have feelings for the same sex I think, or we were just too close she was like my sister. Sorry I can't be much help :/
I knew that I was a lesbian from a very early age as well, but I did the same thing that you did. I pushed the thoughts in the back of my mind hoping that my exhole boyfriend could make me feel different. We even had two boys together, but we're not together any more. I couldn't deny my feelings any longer because it was eating me up inside. And I want you to know it is okay and normal to feel the way you're feeling now. I actually noticed a pattern amongst those who had denied their attraction towards the same sex. And that's trying to hang onto hope of being straight. I thought if I gave another guy a chance that maybe he could make me feel different, but it turned into this vicious cycle instead. I tried to be bisexual, but it did not feel right. It actually turned me into an angry, bitter, depressed and self hating lesbian. I know that every experience varies with different people, but chances are, you're most likely gay. It has been a very uncomfortable thing for me to accept. I'm not sure why because my family and friends have all been amazing and supportive. It's a learning process more than anything, and it does become easier to accept day by day. I mean, no one knows what the future holds, but you should enjoy yourself in the present. You should embrace the feelings that you have now. And who knows, you may meet some awesome guy sooner or later. But can you picture yourself waking up next to him and possibly getting married? That's thing that bothered me most because I could not. I know that I want to wake up next to a beautiful woman in the morning and not some hairy man But, hey, if you ever wanna talk, I'm here for you (*hug*)
Hi all, I inwardly smiled about the previous posters comment about being very complicated, try this on for size We all know, maybe more on an intellectual bases than on a gut level, that gender identity and sexual orientation aren't 2 things in the same bag. Let me explain; I have been involved with 2 guys over the last 13 years, the first one died leaving me devastated. I met my current boyfriend, and have been living with each other for about 5 years. We are both older, with grown kids and grandkids. His kids and grandkids like me, I am grandma Jen. I am also a M to F transsexual, not sure if my bf's family is even aware. My BF is now having erectile issues, and I am completely ok with it, since our sex was mainly me performing oral for him. I am sorry if that was a little graphic. The thing is, I lived as a heterosexual male for many years, and seeing a very attractive woman still brings about a flood of mixed feelings. How is that for confusion? lol I have considered myself transsexual as well as bisexual for many years, yet I know that it is possible to be transsexual and lesbian. That for some reasonjust turns my head inside out. An honest comment or answer would be appreciated. Pajen/Jennifer
