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Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize it?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by LittleConfused, Jul 12, 2013.

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  1. LittleConfused

    LittleConfused
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    Out/in/out/in Extremely confused about everything

    Okay so I'm basically going to give my WHOLE history on here as far as anything that pertains to sexual orientation, it's going to be long I think so bear with me?

    It all started when I was really little, like age 5 or 6. I lived in an apartment place with over 100 other apartments around me. During the time I lived there I had 2 sexual experiences and I don't really remember which happened first so I'm telling them in no particular order.
    One time I was in the woods with a neighbor boy and I don't know what lead to it but we both stripped naked, he laid down on the ground and I sat on top of his "junk", that's all I remember from that experience. The other time was with a girl, we were playing "house" in her bedroom and if I remember right I was the husband, and somehow we ended up scissoring.

    Now fast forward a couple years to when I'm 11, I went over to my current best friends grandmothers house with her and her younger sister, and I told them that we needed to "practice kissing and stuff" for when we have boyfriends, when really I just wanted to kiss my best friend. One thing lead to another and the 3 of us ended up naked under a blanket taking turns making out.

    Then once I was 14 I had a different best friend that would get changed in front of me, I mean she would get completely naked. I would watch her, because it interested me, sometimes I would feel my cheeks turn red and I would have to look away so she wouldn't notice.
    Then when I was 15 I has a friend I had just started hanging out with and the first time I went over her house we were in the kitchen and she was sitting in a chair talking to her mom and I was standing behind her and she put her head back to look at to to talk to me and I felt the strongest urge to kiss her, I was picturing it in my head and everything.

    Now I'm 16, this past January I came out to my family as lesbian, and after 2 months I recanted that statement, said I was straight, and the a couple months later said I was lesbian again, and then again said I was straight..

    I am so beyond confused that it literally feels like its driving me crazy when I think about it... People tell me I don't need to label myself but I feel like I have to or I will be unhappy... I don't know what to do or who I am and it's really depressing ... During the past couple months I've even wondered if maybe I'm FTM.....:help:
     
    #1 LittleConfused, Jul 12, 2013
  2. unknown17050

    unknown17050
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    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    I fail to see how you are MtF in what is described here, mostly because you would be... well... a Man but you were born a woman. As for your sexuality; you display cases of Bisexuality, I think your sex drive is just really high strung, maybe you should take the time, clear your mind and figure out what you really like.
     
    #2 unknown17050, Jul 12, 2013
  3. LD579

    LD579
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    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    Are you attracted to guys sexually/physically? Would you want to be in a relationship with one and cuddle with him and stuff?

    It sounds like you quite like girls, from what you've written. The questions I've posed above are rhetorical and are intended to make you think. It's also possible that you're technically neither straight nor gay but are something in between. Many people are. I second unknown17050's comment: you don't sound or seem like you're MtF.
     
    #3 LD579, Jul 12, 2013
  4. Greenstuff14

    Greenstuff14
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    Re: Out/in/out/in Extremely confused about everything

    Oh. I feel ur pain. I'll give u a response soon. :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2013 at 12:20 AM ----------

    I'm bisexual male and I hate the word/label.
     
    #4 Greenstuff14, Jul 12, 2013
  5. OneLittlePoet

    OneLittlePoet
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    A few people
    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    Do you really feel that you're straight? Based on what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're 100% straight, but maybe you're not 100% gay either. I suggest not getting stressed over it and choosing a label that feels natural once you've stepped back and thought about it. Poke around the internet, and you'll probably find a label that you're comfortable with after some research.
     
    #5 OneLittlePoet, Jul 12, 2013
  6. Adarya

    Adarya
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    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    Doesn't exactly sound to me like you're MtF because of the experiences you've described, and unless you point out why you think you could possibly be Mtf then I would rule it out. Like what unknown17050 said you could possibly be bisexual. Asking yourself questions like if you have sexual/romantic feelings for the male gender or the female gender can help lead you in a direction of your true sexuality.
     
    #6 Adarya, Jul 12, 2013
  7. Ettina

    Ettina
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    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    Actually, she was asking about being FtM.

    Who you're attracted to, sexually, is an entirely separate issue from your gender identity. FtMs can be attracted to men, women, or both, just like cis people can. (Incidentally, regarding gay/straight labels for FtM or MtF, call them by their gender identity, not their birth gender.)

    What makes you think you might be FtM? Do you ever wish your body was less feminine? Do you want male bits? Do you want people to call you 'he' or use male terms for you? Those are kind of the hallmarks of a trans identity, from what I understand.
     
    #7 Ettina, Jul 13, 2013
  8. hiddenxrainbows

    hiddenxrainbows
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    Re: Am I lesbian and in denial? Straight and confused? Or FTM and just don't realize

    There's nothing to really indicate that you might be trans. At least, from what you already said. Liking a certain sex doesn't make you any more trans. It just depends on how you feel about yourself. Common questions I've heard used to see if you could be trans are "What do you see yourself as in 10, 20, so years, a man woman or neither?" "When you have kids, do you want to be their father, mother, or just parent(for non binary)?" "How do you want people to see you, a man woman or neither?" Do you get irritated when people refer to you as a woman, when they use female pronouns and such? Are you ever uncomfortable with your body and wish that you had a more masculine body, or even one more neutral? Do you ever wish you could be perceived as the opposite sex? If you say no to those questions and seem comfortable with your body and how your perceived, then you're prolly not trans. If you do have some uncomfort, then you might be trans. And if you have questions, you might want to look on Google and throughout this site to find some stuff about trans issues. There are plenty of people on here that are willing to answer your questions and talk to you. You could also message me as well if you want. I'm not an expert, but I'll try to help
     
    #8 hiddenxrainbows, Jul 13, 2013
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