Hello. I am Mr. E, and I am in a sort of dilemna, I suppose. Don't know if this goes here, but it looked like the right topic I guess. My problem is that, I am a man, but I want to be female more then anything. I am just not happy being a man, I get a long better with females, in my dreams I am female, and even my personality is more feminine. As a guy I am straight, about a 1 on the kinsley scale, and even have my own girlfriend, who I am deeply in love with. (Thankfully she is bi) My biggest problem is there is nothing I can do about it, I don't want to just look like a female, I want to be full female, fully, completely, and genetically. I know that's impossible, but a simple sex change would not be enough, I would still have the Y chromosome reminding me that I will never truly be female. When I awake from a dream where I am female, I am always disappointed to find myself back in a male body, thus I find myself sleeping more, trying to escape my dismal reality. I feel as though I need advice, but I'm not sure what to ask.
Even though I myself am on the opposite side of this spectrum, the desire and need to be the gender you are not is painful. I too, enjoy sleep, because I am male there. Don't hate yourself for not being the correct gender, I spent a long time hating myself for not being male, it didn't get me anywhere. The first thing I've come to accept is I will not be able to be a male, at least not to myself, and people will blow you off and say "just get a GRS", but it's not the same. It's that feeling of being disgusted that you would even have to alter yourself on such an extreme when other people are just seemingly born into their ideal gender. Time is the best medicine, family is the best treatment, and coming to your own conclusions on how to cope with your internal fight is the cure.
Or... me and you could undergo a highly experiemental and dangerous brain swapping transplant that would leave eachother in eachothers bodies, that way we would both be in the right gender. Sorry, humour is how I cope lol
I think the answer to this type of dilemma is pretty easy actually. Would you rather be a girl in every meaningful way except for lack of ovaries, pregnancy, and XX or be a guy (as you are now)? Neither state of being is more complete than the other. Which one appeals to you more? Try not to look at the decision so one dimensionally like transition vs stay a guy. Just do things that make you feel more comfortable. What would make you feel more comfortable in your own skin? Growing out your hair? Shaving your body? ect. Eventually if you like the changes they will continue to build up until you virtually are a girl. Finally, talk to a therapist who is very good with gender issues please. Understand that soooo many trans people (in my experience) have the same feelings of inadequacy. I would even say the majority of people who transition get hung up on the "well I will never be "REAL" boy/girl". It is just about self acceptance and realizing that only you can decide what you are. How you identify is what you are. I am not saying that outside pressures can't be severe though.
I like your advice. Truth be told the only thing I feel I can do is just wish and wish and maybe one day, it will turn out that magic really exists and I will wake up in a female body. I completely understand what you are saying, but really, the only way I'd put myself through such a struggle is if it could be 100%, anything less, and I feel the price would just be too high. I hope that doesn't make anyone think less of me... and that is exactly the kind of attitude that is making everything else so hard XD
You wouldn't be the first or only one, and in fact, there was one lesbian member on the site who had a history of dating feminine or gender-alternative men who later came out as trans.
Truth be told, I've never actually confessed it outloud (Or rather, typed it out on a computer) Before, and just writing it down here helped a lot. This site truly is a wonderful place full of wonderful people, and I can see why people come here. My secret desire to be female is my secret to bare, and it's nice not baring it alone. Thank you all very much
The first thing you have to Do is understand that you cannot be genetically female, but as close to it as possible through HRT and SRS. I have learned to hate myself over the years for being male simply cause I knew it was wrong. But hating yourself is a bad thing, you should have and hold no anger. Just seek counseling to get the issues out into the open and then take the proper procedures to make yourself happier. I'd be happy to answer any questions for you if I'm able. I just started my HRT
