Extremely confused.

I'll apologize ahead of time if this post becomes extremely lengthy. I don't want to leave out many details. I've looked at this from multiple angles at this point and I would love some outside thoughts. Kudos to anyone who reads it.
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Well, I'd wanna say around the age of like, ten-twelve, I guess I had a feeling I liked girls (or, moreso, just feeling different than most of my peers). I came across this interesting thing called "Yuri" on the internet; nothing extreme, just pictures of girls kissing/hugging. And I was pretty down with that. When most of the girls would blab about boys at lunchtime, I could honestly care less. I didn't understand all the hype about it.

I had "crushes" towards two of my girl friends, one girl in the 7th and one girl in the 8th, and I admitted feelings towards both of them. They both took it decent, but kindly rebutted them and told me they weren't interested. Which was okay, I was kind of disappointed but I got over it in due time.

Around that time I also started dating this girl online. She was a year older than me, and we connected pretty well I suppose. But I did something laughably stupid. We met in person once, and a month later she broke up with me. The breakup was extremely hard for a thirteen year old, lots of she-said-she-said, "trolling", and being mocked on my part, and it took me a long time to get over it. Now I understand it for the most part and don't really carry any resentment.

Regardless, I was pretty comfortable about my sexuality. About liking girls. I didn't really care. I was okay with the idea and didn't mind it one bit. When I hit high school (I was 14), most people figured I was bi or fully gay without me telling them, which also didn't bother me. In February one of my close guy friends admitted feelings for me, but I wasn't interested at all. I was flattered, it was cute/nice, but I didn't want to be with a guy.

Skip forward a month or two and I started going out with my second girlfriend. We also hit it off pretty well and got along great. I was fifteen. She was also the first girl I've ever... well, yeah.

In January of 2013, I had stayed over my friend's house (same one who admitted feelings for me in February 2012) with two other guys. It was like any other sleep over, watched TV, played games, blahblah. Then it got late, we were all tired, and were talking about people we liked. I had said to the guy "Well, eh, I kind of like you I guess". He got embarrassed, flustered, and didn't talk to me. Which I thought was kind of stupid. I just figured it would be logical to get it out and get it done and over with. But mind you, he was also my "best friend". Then a few hours later he wanted to talk to me about what happened, but said things like "Well, how would you if you've never been with a guy before?" Made me pretty angry and even more confused. And things just got more complicated from there.

Ever since then I've constantly been questioning my sexuality, what I like, and caused me to question my relationship extensively. My second girlfriend broke up with me last week, wanted to give me space to think. It didn't end poorly or anything, but I'm relatively bummed out.

I can't exactly say I ever really "like-liked" the guy, but I can never be sure of myself at this point. I haven't really talked to the him in months, save a few times he's stopped by my house and asked me to hang out. Which I've declined. He has a girlfriend which I'm cool with, it's like "Hooray, you have a girlfriend, now please stay away from me."

In high school I had a few crushes on girls before I went out with my second girlfriend, but not on any guys. This whole thing has just gotten me extremely confused. After the "event" occurred, I had walked through the high school multiple times trying to gauge which gender I found more "attractive", but it freaked me out.

And this leads me to this forum. If anyone has any questions I'd be happy to answer them, because this is confusing the heck out of me. I don't exactly WANT a label because I now find them constricting, but some insight might help me out a bunch. I'm afraid that this whole 'liking girls" thing is just a phase, and that I'm actually "straight" or that I've somehow been "faking" my feelings (which I doubt), or I'm just thinking this through too darn much.

I've also been on-off questioning my gender identity, but that'd be for a separate topic.

Kudos for reading, and have a great day.

 

Thanks for the response, it's helped me a bit. Part of my problem is thinking about EVERYTHING and coming up with some sort of excuse to justify this thought and that thought.

To help myself clarify more things:
I mean, I can accept that I like girls (At least I think so), but not so much that I might like guys. For some reason, the latter freaks me out. I mean, I do have guy friends as well as girl friends, and I enjoy being around both for different reasons. Generally, though, I'm more indifferent to my male friends in terms of feelings/attractiveness.

In a way it kind of feels like I HAVE to grow up, get married with a guy, and have kids. I kinda feel like I have to be straight or, on the other hand, I'm just forcing myself to like girls. I can somewhat picture myself in a marriage with a guy, but don't know if I'd be particularly fond of it. It just seems strange. However, I wouldn't mind being in a marriage with a woman; as of now though I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

I can find men attractive/handsome, I will not deny that. i.e., Robert Downey Jr./Tim McIlrath.

I don't think it has anything to do with upbringing, while my father wasn't around I did have my grandfather as a father figure. I went to church as a child but my family was never super strict, and they're supportive of me no matter what. My mother's ex was a total jerk but he was never physically abusive or anything like that. But if I were to date men I wouldn't want to be stuck with that kind of guy either (or woman).

Gee, this is all so confusing. I think I spend too much time thinking. :bang:

 

For the most part, I'd say no to guys. For example, I have some male friends who like to work out and walk around shirtless. Makes me a bit uncomfortable if anything; whereas, as one of those guys said, one of our straight female friends actually commented on their bodies. The thought of having sex with a guy just makes me go "Huh???" I have had experience with another girl, and I have enjoyed the whole nine yards. Cuddling, kissing, etc.

I guess I'm curious/wondering if there's an exception to the rule. Even then I can't say there's a guy I'd want to date, least in the world of high school. I also tend to think about these kinds of things a lot. It gets really ridiculous after a while. :dry:

To comment on the unrelated comment, this avatar is one of the preset ones. I love horror movies and saw this one so I was like "What the Heck, why not?"