How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a b/ g

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

There are always plenty of fish in the sea. To answer your topic question, I feel like I live a lie, trapped. I cannot wait to be passable for that very reason of name change, and to be identified in public as female. It literally eats away at you

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

According to your post I am guessing that your ex is trans. Which if he is, his body parts should not be a determining factor on how you see him. He is in the wrong body, that isn't anything he can help and I am sure he feels horrible about having the wrong body. He doesn't need you judging him on that when you should be understanding. If you aren't happy with his body or how he is then move on. If you love him then his heart should shine through.

As for it being a long distance relationship, It can work. You both have to put in the work to have a successful relationship. The relationship can only prosper as much as you allow it to. From what I am getting from the post you have these doubts about your ex but you do want to be with him. If the doubts are about your ex then you should talk to him about them. Let him help you with the trans thing, if he is, and let him help you with the relationship. That's what you do in a relationship, you help each other.

If y'all don't work then you'll find someone else.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

Not all relationships will work, long distance or no. If you want it to work, you have to be committed. If you're unsure or doubting, then let it go and try to move on. It's not a good relationship for him or you.

From what you said I'm assuming your partner (ex? ) is trans*. If that's something that makes you doubt the relationship or him, then maybe you should work on a friendship first. Let him teach you about himself, and listen. Communication is key in any relationship. Still, don't be afraid to move on if you think it's the better option.

As for your topic question, I'm going to try and tie that in to your actual post.
When I come out to somebody, and they see me as a girl playing dress up, or a lesbian trying to be a boy, it hurts. When they laugh it off and say it's just a phase or think I'm joking, it hurts. When they say "okay" and try to be accepting, but always treat me different, that hurts too. When I tell online friends that I've been stealth to, that I'm trans, and they start using female pronouns and talk to me and about me like I'm now a girl, it hurts. Even when it's just a stranger, taking my order or swiping my card, and they misgender me, it hurts. Being trans* is living in constant anxiety, walking a tightrope as fast as you can to get to the platform on the other side, not knowing if you'll even ever get there. So take that into consideration, talking to your ex/partner. He may blame himself or the fact that he's trans* for you doubting him or breaking up. If you're unsure about something, ask. If you don't know what he wants, ask. If you two have a problem, don't beat around the bush. Communicate. And if it doesn't work out, split on mutual terms.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

Transitioning physically (and socially) is a personal choice, yes, but I don't want to just pretend I'm a lesbian (or an ace-pan girl) because it's not easier. I'd still be trans, and still be a boy, I'd just be lying about it. In the end it would be harder.

---------- Post added 21st Jul 2013 at 10:46 PM ----------

We don't know, and it's not anybody's fault. Our brains go one way and our bodies go the other way. The best we can do is to try and make ourselves comfortable with what we have.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

No, that would take extensive, expensive, and rarely available surgery. The best hormone therapy will do is enlarge the clitoris by a few centimeters, as well as fat redistribution, voice changing, and body hair growth (among other things). Likewise, for MTF people, hormone replacement therapy does not reduce penis size, only creates some breast tissue, softens facial features, etc.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

Well, I'm sure a penis doesn't hinder one from wearing a dress. But, many MTF people chose to "tuck", which is a method of concealing the penis. I'm not an expert, though.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

Like absolute shit, thats what. But it doesn't happen anymore.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

You've got the general idea, but tape is unsafe and other more effective methods are used. If you'd like, since I'm still not an expert on MTF things, I'm sure google can give you some more information.

And it's no problem! I'm glad you learned something.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

To answer the topic question, it feels like crap, there's really no delicate way to say it. I'm pre-everything, and every day I wake up, and it doesn't matter what I do, I can't pass for a guy to save my life. I'm pretty androgynous looking, but it isn't enough. I can't blame strangers for misgendering me, they don't know any better, and they're just trying NOT to misgender me, but that doesn't make it feel any less crappy. When people I've told do it, it hurts worse. I feel like a freak, I really do.

That might work for some people, but I'm not a cis girl interested in girls. I like men. I like having sex with men. I also feel like a man. So in my head I'm a gay man, but physically I'm female. I won't lie and say I haven't thought about suicide, but the idea of staying the way I am now doesn't help those thoughts go away. It might be harder to find dates after I transition, but I feel like when I do it'll be more gratifying.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

For one, I'd be lying to people by being someone I'm not and it would make me more depressed by being that person. Life would be easier for me if I could transition. The other thing is that my sexual orientation has nothing to do with my gender identity. I was never gay, but I was never straight either. I was openly dating both teams.

In theory if would be easier to go back to pretending I was a cis person and going about my life, but I wouldn't be happy. I'd be repressing who I am, I'd be more self-loathing, depressed and above all suicidal. Transitioning for me is do or die because if I keep up an act for people (how I was before I came out) then I'm just increasing the chances of staying a self-destructive person and possibly ending my life.

I'm not doing this because I want to. It's because I have to for the sake of my mental health and well-being, because like I said, it's changing things for the better or I'll wind up dead somehow. If I had a choice in the matter, I'd rather be a normal cis-male, but life doesn't work that way.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

I've never been in a serious relationship and I don't even dare start trying to date now because guys that I know see me as female, knowing full well I identify as male so there's no way anything would happen there because I'd think it'd just confuse them. I might be able to pass if I binded my chest, but I don't because it's very hard to bind to the point where i'm comfortable. I'm so sick of being misgendered though and it's really starting to get to me so I think I might try again and try different methods.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

HRT only effects the voice when it is done before puberty, not after just as a fyi. Also, Estrogen with the combination of an anti androgen (to block the effects of testosterone) has been shown to reduce penis size as well. The effects are breast tissue growth, fat redistribution over time, skin softening, and over the course of time some fat redistribution.

 

Re: How do u feel when ppl dont see the real u but what ur born with and decide ur a

Despite my situation, I've been lucky to have people find interest in me. One person I rarely talk to anymore before and after he found out I was trans expressed interest in me. I've been pretty blessed with finding someone I'm compatible with who doesn't see me as a fetish and has genuine feelings for me, which in my mind is something I never thought would happen in a million years. I'm not sure what gets me to smile more, knowing someone is interested in me or getting complimented all the time about how masculine and handsome I am when I doubt my ability to pass. It's a nice little reminder that gets me through the day when I'm hammered with being misgendered by people.

@FightingShadows - You'll find someone, so don't beat yourself up. The misgendering thing gets to me a lot too. I go out of my way to pass and my family misgenders me in front of groups of people and it scares me sometimes because I don't know if anyone who might hear it is a bigot and might kick my ass if I use a public restroom. I get reassured that I pass by my therapist and my boyfriend, but it sometimes never feels like enough since my family affects me a lot. It's so frustrating sometimes. They should know how badly things like this affect me since something like this leads me to hating myself, which leads to more depression, which leads to suicidal ideation that got me put in the hospital. (sigh) It sucks, man. But we'll survive.