Hello, all. In a recent moment of clarity, I realized that I am, in fact, transgendered. Now I'm not sure what to do. I have all these questions running through my head: How/when/to whom should I come out? Am I doing this right? What should I even be doing? How do I transition? What even is transitioning? What even makes a man a man? I think the biggest problem I'm having right now is deciding how to transition. I'm pretty definitively sure that I don't want surgery. I'm not even sure I want to take hormones. But if I don't do either of those things and just crossdress all the time, am I really a man? If I do the occasional "girly" thing, am I still a man? Am I just afraid that I'll never be sexy as a woman? That last thought crossed my mind, but I'm not sure it has any logical base. Here are some other questions I'm facing: Why don't I identify with being female? I was raised to be a girl/woman all my life. Why doesn't it stick? Why don't I find femininity empowering? I've tried. I really have. I tried believing in girl power and acting stereotypically womanly and tried on so many dresses, but every time I've just felt like a really awkward boy. I'm probably overthinking, but if someone has an advice or experience they'd like to share, it's certainly welcome. I have no idea what the hell I'm even doing.
What makes a man a man is if he thinks he's a man (gender) If he was born with male genitals (sex) Sorry I just read the title -.-'
Mate, I feel you. I'm there right now. Grew up as a feminine kid (though how much of that was simply an act, I have no idea). So because of that and a variety of things (such as not hating dresses- just feeling like a drag queen in them), I've had plenty of days where I doubt I'm even trans* or should even consider myself a man. But you know? Shouldn't matter in the end. We're how we identify. No right or wrong way to be a man. Know plenty of foppish, twinks out there and if their gender isn't invalidated because they're not a beer guzzling Grizzly Adams, why must we, as transmen be forced to prove our manhoods? You don't identify as a woman because you never were one. Once upon a time, maybe you convinced yourself otherwise or spent a lifetime, if you're anything like me, forcing yourself into that role but face it- you're not a woman and there's no need to pretend any longer. So hope this helped, mate.
I was having this same exact problem a few days ago. The issue of feeling "trans* enough" is larger than it should be. So many guys feel pressured to transition with hormones or surgery because they feel like they have to or they won't be a man. Like their identity is less valid, but some pretty awesome people told me/taught me that our identity is as valid as any other. Go on YouTube and look up "trans enough". There are some awesome videos there good luck, brother!
Who should you come out to? Whom ever you fell comfortable telling! Are you doing it right? Shit I don't even know if I'm doing gay right so don't worry about that part too much, do who you fell comfortable with. What should you even be doing? Again what you fell comfortable doing! How do you transition? In what ever way you'd like. There are drugs and surgery that can help but again do what you fell comfortable with. I know a few trans people who don't want to go under the knife. What is even transitioning? Moving from one point to another. What even makes a man a man? I think it's pretty much gender that makes a man a man. Sex isn't actually important.
Thanks, guys. This really helped a lot. I appreciate it. This has been a very confusing topic for me. ---------- Post added 28th Jul 2013 at 01:54 PM ---------- As for why I have to prove manhood when regular guys don't have to, I was wondering the same thing recently. A lot of the cis-guys I know actually joke about things they do being girly. They're not worried about being confused for girls because they're not girls. Why am I worried about being mistaken for a girl? I'm not one either. I just happen to have breasts, which I could bind or just pass off as a case of gynecomastia. I actually did see a guy with boobs once, and I couldn't think of him as anything but a guy. It gave me a lot to think about. If guys can have breasts, pee sitting down, lack the ability to grow a beard, and have somewhat feminine facial structure and not be mistaken for females, what's stopping me from living my life as the man I want to be?
Clockworkfox: BEST COMIC STRIP EVER! I should hand out copies to every binary preaching jerk out there.
Hey, I'm struggling with this as well. Spent a lifetime so far trying to dress like a girl and you put it great; 'feeling like an awkward boy'. That has just been a big light-bulb moment for me! Thank you for that description because it is so me. I'm not out to my family, not about liking girls, much less feeling like I should have been born male. So, I'm still trying to learn how to walk in heels and faff about, whilst pining for my Vans shoes chucked in the corner of my room. Depressing. Not that it's even about clothes. I'm trying to get fitter and stronger and every time I have to put on a sports bra I feel like my heart is sinking inside me. Sorry for hijacking your thread. I don't think there's a 'man enough'/'woman enough'. There's just you and me, and every other human being on the planet. Gender is a social construction, but defining someone and how they should think and act and feel because of their 'bits' is just silly really. You are you, that's all that matters.
Here in 2013, I don't think you can definitively say what makes a man..a man. I play the most sports out of my straight friends.. so no go there. It's really just the fact that you have the hardware. Lol. It used to be.. men don't cry, men don't do pink, men play sports, men this, men that.. but as a masc gay dude.. I have the hardest time knowing when a guy is straight or gay these days. As people have become increasingly accepting of gay people, straight men have decided that it's okay to have more style in what they wear.. and don't seem to concerned with perceptions.. Just be you, in whatever you do. Be who makes you feel comfortable, there's no right or wrong when you think of it that way.
