I feel I'd change back

You're entitled to express your gender identity however you want and screw anyone who thinks otherwise. You should do what makes YOU happy.

Not sure about the specifics on transitioning but just wanted to add my two cents.

 

Old age is a scary thing. If it's any consolation, I don't know how I feel about my transition and growing older either. I don't know if I could grow old as a man or as a woman - they both feel unsettling. But know that some changes are permanent, and some parts of transition are very costly. It's something you'll need to think very deeply about. Some people do de-transition, but it's not easy, and it is expensive.

If you feel you're a woman, or mostly a woman, at your core, and you want to transition, then do so! Don't try and see too far into your future, it isn't set in stone. Just keep on being and becoming who it is you want to be.

 

Yeah. I'm with Clockwork. It's hard for me to comprehend the idea that I'd be old. And I think at this point feel free to ask yourself that- would you rather be an old man or an old woman if you had the choice? No wrong answers but it's all up to you, as far as expression and identity go.

I can understand not wanting to come out. I have a feeling my family won't take the news well, even though they're not religious. But considering I'd like to do HRT and SRS, it's going to be hard to hide the flat chest and deep voice. So coming out might have to be something you're going to need to bite the bullet and do. If they disapprove, you're free to cut them out of your life and be free to make your own family and support.

 

I want top surgery, and hormones (at least for a little while - my voice is the single biggest cause of dysphoria for me, so I really just want it to drop). But I don't think I want srs, at least not right now.

Once I have what I want done done, though, it's going to be impossible to visit my family as a girl. That's just the way it is. Sure I could crossdress and talk in a falsetto, but I'll just look like what I've felt like for so many years already. Everyone else would see it too, and it would surely be worse than just showing up as a guy.

Do you plan on getting hormones? Think about your body on estrogen. You'll develop curves, and breasts, and your voice will likely get higher, especially with some vocal training. I haven't met many mtfs, and none that were already on hormones, so I can't say how well you could pass as a guy again for your family. But what's important is what makes you comfortable. If living as a guy makes you uncomfortable, and living as a girl makes you ecstatic, well.

I'm terrified to tell my family. Literally terrified. I know I'll have to sooner or later, because it doesn't look like I'll be able to move out anytime soon and I do want to start transitioning soon. It's a normal fear - the trans community has so little exposure as it is, and so much of it is negative. I'm not saying you should rush right up to your family and come out if you're not ready. I'm just saying it's not something you'll be able to hide forever if you do want to medically transition at all. And believe me, I'd hide it forever if I could, I understand - it just seems easier to hide than to tell certain people these things. (*hug*)