I'm so sick of my binder and dysphoria. I don't even wear it all the time or anything, maybe 3 times a week. Here's how it goes: Wake up. Go on a run, feeling chest with every step. Peel sweaty clothes off and get in shower. Look down at body and suddenly feel rather nauseous. Get out of shower. Try to dry off while nauseous feeling increases. Put on pants, brush teeth, towel dry hair. Organize bathroom to procrastinate putting on binder. Look at watch. Oh shit. Pull binder over head. Try to yank downward for 5 minutes. Realize armpits are chafed and may or may not start bleeding. Put on deodorant. Realize chafed armpits and deodorant are a bad, painful combination. Adjust chest. Put on shirt and tuck in. Realized chest has become un-adjusted to form unflattering uni-chest. Untuck shirt. Readjust chest. Retuck shirt. Go to work. Inhale sharply and wonder who stabbed you in the back. Look around and realize no one has a weapon. Feel knife twist in back. Crack back over chair. Sigh with relief, even if just 5 seconds. Feel rib start clicking. Look at watch. 1 hour down, 4 to go. Feel drips of sweat and check shirt. Give anyone smiling a dirty look. Wonder why people are ever happy. Run home. Peel binder off and remember chafed armpits. Avoid mirrors. Catch reflection in window. Briefly consider investing in antiemetics. Even if you get the right size and quality and everything. It still sucks. I can't wait for winter. :/
I KNOW THIS FEELING. I don't wear my binders frequently at all, only because it's almost as much of a hassle as having these stupid tits is. I even have a strapless one, which is (generally) less of a hassle to put on than the pullover, and it's got its own set of perks and problems: - I can wear v necks omg v necks so sexy - actually stays put due to compression magic holy hell never saw that coming - hot damn do I love the feeling of not having any straps of any kind on my shoulders - but wait! what's this? if I don't put on a tight-fitting shirt first and just wear a loose one sometimes it makes a weird noise when the fabrics rub together - also it's a pain in the ass to pull it tight enough to flatten me out lame - this is not seamless and the velcro itches - also it seems to crush my ribs more and i can't wear it as long boo... God, I can't wait for top surgery.
I wear binders all the time when I'm with people. I used to wear it alone as well, but recently its just been too painful. I know the feeling. Sucks so bad. I can't run because I can't breathe. How do your surgery prospects look?
I can't say I know how you feel, because I'm not trans. But I read your story and see how much pain you're in, and I wish I could take you in my arms and just hold you and console you. (*hug*)
I know how that feels... Feeling the chest with every step. I'd honest to God break every mirror if it were possible. (*hug*) Feel for you, mate.
@clockworkfox: What kind of binder to you recommend? Surgery.. at least 4 years. I'm a student athlete and to stay on the team I can't do anything. That's assuming I can save enough money in the year after college. What about you? Thanks man. Your words mean a lot. I broke a mirror last week, haha! It was an accident, but details, details.. I pretty much promptly threw it in the trash without a second thought.
@ op: I got mine at loveboat shop. I have the short sport pullover by Juya from there and don't have any issues with it, other than how much of a pain it can be to get on. It's actually really comfortable once it's on, I can forget I'm wearing it for hours and hours, and it gets me pretty flat. It wicks away sweat really well too, so I can actually be pretty active in it. I like this binder a lot. I also have a strapless binder from there, but I already talked about that. I don't like it as much as the pullover, it isn't as comfortable and it chafes more, I can't wear it as long which makes me sad. But it is easier to get on.
Would a top surgery that women sometimes have (to have their breasts smaller) be an option? You could stay away from binders then. Or maybe try to get to the stage when you get detached from your body - and not see the binder as something you HAVE TO wear. *hug* It is supposed to make your life easier, not more painful.
It's possible to get a masectomy but not always possible if you're not out as trans*. I myself would consider a breast reduction since I can't come out for a couple years but I feel the cost of getting that done versus simply waiting for an actual masectomy isn't worth it. But all depends... I think I can speak for a number of us when I say the binder is a neccesity at times. It's hard, detatching yourself from something that shouldn't be there. Got good at it myself but still... I'd kill for a real binder.
yeah, breast reduction were the words I was looking for. --- Trust me, I do know how you are feeling.
I'm out to my parents, some family, some friends, my advisor/professor at school. And in a couple weeks I'm going to be out to everyone. Even when I'm out as a guy, I still have to compete on the women's because that's how I am biologically. That's how I was when my coach recruited me and that's how I have to do it in order to keep my scholarship. But hopefully this way I can be debt-free leaving undergrad and have 4 awesome years of college running, which used to be a slim dream for me. There's pro/cons, costs and consequences to what I'm doing but for the most part I've come to terms with that. Even though I've come to terms, it still get really difficult at times thinking about how long I have to wait. But as long as I complain sometimes and don't keep it all in I think I'll be okay. It wouldn't be worth it to get a reduction for me.. I'm already rather small and the recoup time would get in the way of running. I'm actually kind of excited because I did and e-mail consultation (I know, 4 years early) and they said I could do periareolar! Which is awesome, but at the same time I think I'm just a bit too big. I'd rather the scars for it not to look forced. Anyway, stuff will probably be different 4 years from now anyway. 5 DAYS!?!?!?!?! I'm so happy for you!!! Let us know how it goes!! Which surgeon?
Ah. Good luck with the coming out. Surely on the women's team, you wouldn't be allowed to take testosterone? Yeah, the waiting sucks And I should probably warn you that you'll start to have even more problems with binding in four years of it. Peri wouldn't get in the way for very long. You'd probably only be out of commission for a couple of weeks, and hey, people get sick sometimes. Dr Miles Berry. He's a british surgeon, you I doubt you'll have heard of him. I'm getting two scars, and while I'd prefer peri, if it won't work, thats that.
