So basically I've known I'm gender fluid (sometimes a guy and sometimes a girl) for a while now. I've always known I was both and I found the word for it back in April, so that's when I put an actual term to my gender. I fully accept that I'm gender fluid, it just seems like second nature that yeah, I'm both. I have accepted it, but recently I've been feeling really off by just saying I'm both. Not everyone is going to understand that I'm both genders, it's not going to show up on legal papers, and even my mum reminds me I need to choose one in this binary world. I've been in my male phase for a while now, months, and I know I have gender dysphoria. I'll be reminded that I have a biologically female body when I look in the mirror or look down and see my chest, or I hear someone call me by my female name or say 'she'. Its like someone is scratching at my insides when I hear that, 'she' just falls so sharp against my ears. And the more I go out and see guys about my size I can't help but think along the lines of why can't I just go ahead and have a guy body? It's not going to change anything. I know I'm a guy on the inside. I've been having these kinds of thoughts for the last few weeks very strongly, and I've been going through FtM stories and just saying to myself that perhaps I should transition. And I really know I should go with the gender I feel more strongly as and I know that's a male, its kind of like seeing a whole new and brighter life for myself, like hope, just thinking of transitioning. But at the same time, I'm still gender fluid and sometimes I get scared that I'll end up regretting transitioning because I'll hit a female stage and the male body would start being uncomfortable. So transitioning just makes me feel this new hope, but a loss at losing this old self as well. Like I'm losing those ties with my female self by transitioning, like someone I'm close to is dying or something, but I know this body is not my own. So I'm asking, are there any others who do not fit in the binary and decided to transition or not? Or any FtMs with a story to share on how they knew to transition? I just hate being in this in between state, like I'm in limbo, and the gender dysphoria just gets worse. Just any experience in general would help, please :help:
I feel the same way as you do except I am a guy. I go through periods where I kick into girl mode and get depressed that I can't just body swap. Of course having said that, I think that surgery is an absolute last resort. I considered gender reassignment for a while, but then ultimately backed down because I think it can create more problems than it alleviates. If we could trade bodies somehow I would do it, cause I can't stand being a guy a lot of the time.
I've been thinking of trying to make my body more androgynous, i.e. getting top surgery and going on low dose Testosterone but at that point I'd just be taken as a guy anyway since androgynous more or less equals male to most people. Getting a surgery like top surgery would be enough to change my gender to M on the legal documents, even though I don't get bottom surgery, which I know I never will get that. And I think what it comes down to is what gender do we feel like most of the time and then try to see if there is any way we can make transitioning between the two easier. Which would work physically, but socially, unless you were out completely, you might raise a few eyebrows.
Yes, I have cross-dressed a few times. I don't really think of it as 'cross-dressed' though, it can be such a negative term in the media. I've got two sections to my dresser: the girl section and the guy section. I feel completely free to choose from whatever section I want. I have gone into public a few times, mostly just to the store. I have a binder, a few guys shirts, and some jeans (that fit so well and they actually make me look taller). But I'm not really sure if I pass to anyone but my friends because I don't tend to talk to people and have them address me. And sometimes when I'm with my mum (she knows) she'll refer to me as 'she' to someone, which is really embarrassing when holding some new guy clothes and wearing a binder. My face can be a give away, though, but I'm trying to counteract that with my hairstyle. How about you? Have you ever gone out as a girl?
Never out in public in the daytime, but I have driven around dressed up before. I'm semi-passable I guess. And yeah I understand what you mean. I don't feel crossdressed either. It's more like "finally I get to dress how I want"
Yeah, I realize where it could be a bit scarier being caught as an MtF than an FtM. It tends to be a lot different in that sense. And yeah, that's how I see it too. Just, there are clothes for one day and clothes for the other, I can just pick which ever feels more comfortable. I know you said you were saving surgery as a last resort, and I don't know much about this, but have you checked into being able to take hormone replacement therapy and just leave out surgery? There might be some medical risks, like I wouldn't be taking T without surgery for very long - which is part of why I've held off on choosing whether to transition or not until I can talk to a professional. A lot of times on sites like Tumblr, when I go into the genderfluid tag I'll see how people identify as genderfluid but decide to transition anyway because though there is still the feminine/masculine part of them, the other sex has a stronger call for me.
I think I'm on the same page as you here! I'm a female who identifies as bigender because I don't really have an in-between-y adro phase, but I love being mistaken for a guy and I've got the same issue: I'm worried if I'm forced into transitioning completely I'll end up regretting it when I feel more feminine (plus, only when hell freezes over will my family ever accept that I'm anything other then a strait female. So. xD) I've thought about this a lot recently and I think the short answer is this: You do not have to be forced into a mold from a binary society. This is your decision and your decision alone. Both genderqueer and bigender are non-binary forms of trans*, and therefore should not be forced into a trans* (a binary) mold. The problem is you can transition, but that female counterpart will never really go away. You seem to strongly associate with male, so why not try just going full-on male for a few days and test how strong your male affinity is, then try female for a few days? See what feels more comfortable and right for the long term! It doesn't sound like you have to make any long term decisions in the near future, so use time to your advantage! And even if you still can't decide- hakuna matata! ;D There isn't really anything wrong with going back and fourth between your public social identity as long as you're comfortable with it. You find not as many heads are turned if you just dress in your own skin, be it female or male whenever you feel like. :3 ((Adding on here: I don't go out as male in public but my friends have seen me as male [and have openly made remarks about me looking hotter as a dude, so I guess I pass XD] but I still have days where I like to wear low-cut tops and short shorts and just be female. For me transitioning isn't really something I can do and be comfortable with at this point in time, but that might all change. For now, I'm happy to just switch back and forth between male and female. :3))
This says a lot about me too. I have been thinking an awful lot about my gender identity and have thought about transitioning recently. But, there's still that, permanence that is scary to me because I think to myself that I'd miss being a girl someday. I think that on the whole it's more acceptable (sadly and falsely) by society to be 'tomboy' or be a girl dressing androgynously than it is for a transwoman to pass without negative comments. So, I think being biologically female and cross-dressing is easier. But yeah, I think I will end up swinging from one to the other which is why I'm frightened to go on any sort of hormones etc.
I also identify as genderfluid, though i dress mostly in male attire. I hate my female parts with a passion, but am afraid to go on hormones, let alone invasive treatments!
StormeSea, This responce helps me too. I have been in this situation but i am hesitant to transition due to the fact that i have gender dysphoria. I really appreciate this responce! I am going to do a test and see which gender i feel more comfortable with! :icon_bigg
I'm in the same exact place as you. I'm a biological female who identifies (currently) as gender fluid but suffers from body dysphoria. I'm sorry, but also kind of relieved to hear that there are so many other going through the same thing out there. Like, I'm not the only one. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. Well, I'm not in any position to give advice since i've been looking for some too. But all I can say is just give it time. Maybe, experiment a little. Instead of going by gender fluid, go by trans for a while. Identify yourself as a transguy for a little and see how it fits you. If it's not what you want, go back to identifying as gender fluid. I know it doesn't seem that simple, but experimenting is actually very helpful in the long run. Trust me, it's how I found out I was gender fluid in the first place. And even if you're not trans, that's ok. It's all about what makes you happy. But remember: It's a matter of time, not a matter of why.
I did the test, and was told I was Androgyne. I've struggled for decades over who I was, thought I was gay most of the time. But this feels correct, I like being male, but also like being female. I like to dress as a woman, and have loved to wear jewellery since I was 10, and still do. I'm not effeminate, as a male, but don't turn into an effeminate woman either. I'm just me. At the end of the test, it said its best not go for reassignment, as this would probably cause more problems than solutions. Best to switch between both genders as and when it suited you. And I'm happy to do the. Also there are time you feel neither genders. But I'm happier now that I know this. It's a relief in fact.
