Hi, everyone. I recently discovered this forum, and I think that this is a good place to express my true feelings. What I'm about to say is pretty embarrassing. Some parts might sound contradictory, but I'm being completely honest here, so please bear with me: So, first off, I am a 17-year-old teenager who is biologically male. Ever since I was about seven, I've had thoughts about becoming a girl. I occasionally want to wear skirts/dresses and put on nail polish/makeup. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of my male genitalia, have breasts, and have people refer to me as either "she" or "her." When I masturbate, I imagine myself getting a complete sex change, and having a man thrust his penis into my vagina... Funny thing is, despite having these sexual fantasies, I still think I'm straight. In real life, I've only had feelings toward girls, and it makes me really uncomfortable if I think about sleeping with another guy. If I remain a guy, I think I'll only be attracted to women, but if I become a woman myself...I'll probably want to "do it" with both genders. Is this weird? Am I making any sense here? Maybe my sex drive is simply out of control right now. It does seem like I'm too obsessed with sex. Also, right after I orgasm, my desire to be a girl temporarily tones down a bit. I'm not sure why; it just does. I'm very confused about my gender. I wish I could have just been born a girl and live as a female my entire life. But at the same time, I'm uncertain if that's what I really want. I fear that if I start transitioning now, I'll regret it in the future. Still, I don't want to wait another ten years to decide if I'm a boy or a girl. This is really frustrating. Am I transgender, or am I just some unusual, horny teenager? What's the best thing to do in my current situation?
I've had similar feelings and a similar experience and am still trying to figure out some of the same things as you. My advice would be to actually have a sexual experience with a guy and see how you feel about it. If you think it is not for you, then you might have found your answer.
Most people who are truly transgender, just feel like members of the opposite sex, already. They don't feel as though they need any coaxing or statements of confirmation. They just simply are women, if they're MTF and they're men, if they're FTM. OTOH, there are those males who feel that they are too effeminate to really be classified as men, but yet are content with having male genitalia. They have no desire to have SRS, but may opt to have some form of HRT in order to develop more feminine features. Many MTF transgenders don't really refer to themselves as "females" or "women", but simply refer to themselves as "transgender". They therefore, reserve the right to behave as males in a variety of ways, even though they primarily behave as women. Most are gay, some are straight, and some are bi-sexual. OTOH, an overwhelming number of transvestites are straight.
Only you can decide if you are transgender and want to transition. That being said, I have heard all of your thoughts echoed by many trans people. So none of what you listed points to you not* being trans. If anything it all points towards you being trans. Only you can figure it out. Therapy is very helpful with this process if you have access to it. It totally get what you mean when you say you can't imagine being with a guy "right now" but maybe later when it feels "right" (ie. when your a girl). Its pretty common among the trans community honestly. Its why you hear about things like "switching sexual orientation". Most likely they always had that orientation but they couldn't totally except it in themselves until they found themselves in the right body. ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2013 at 11:00 AM ---------- This is mostly false. The majority of trans woman don't even get SRS (ie. a vagina) and of those a significant (maybe majority who knows) portion are simply comfortable with their genitalia and it isn't because of financial constraints. Penises don't define if you are a woman or not. Most MtF refer to themselves as woman... I don't know where you are getting this transgender stuff. Some people consider "transgender" to be an umbrella term that encompasses everything from transsexuals to crossdressers but in reality it is used interchangeably with transsexual so I don't see how a crossdresser or femme male would be comfortable calling themselves "transgender". Really the trans spectrum is really confusing and people come up with new ridiculous labels everyday (go look at the cluster fuck that is tumblr). If they are on hrt and presenting as a girl... they are probably a woman. There is a very small minority of genderqueer or inbetween people who are on hormones to feel more comfortable which is perfectly legitimate that don't identify as "woman" or "man". I guess I have issue with your statement of ascribing "MtF" to someone who doesn't identify as "woman" its pretty much straight up wrong and unnecessarily confusing.
I also don't think as many transvestites are as straight as we think. I know some people think it is just a transvestic fetish, but I'm not so sure. Not if you like having sex with men out of the clothing.
There's no doubt that the majority of transgender people, who are truly "transsexuals", refer to themselves as their preferred sex or gender. Therefore, the majority of FTM transsexual people refer to themselves as males. The majority of MTF transsexual people refer to themselves as females. Of course that's the whole purpose of using the "trans" vernacular. However, there are a sizeable number of "trans" people who don't feel quite honest with themselves by claiming the term "female" or "male" 100%. Trust me, I know many trans people, because I too once lived as a transgender person, until recently. Most transgender people who refer to themselves as transsexuals do consider themselves as 100% the opposite gender of there genitalia. However, there are some transgender people who opt not to undergo SRS, who don't claim to be 100% male or female. There are many MTF transgender people who opt to have HRT, will never have SRS, but will proclaim being "female" until the very end. There are also many within this same category who claim that they feel more comfortable presenting themselves as female, but admit that they also feel too many male emotions to fully claim the "female" terminology 100%. They therefore, opt to refer to themselves simply as "transgender".
Wow.. I totally disagree with this. It's up to the person how they want to identify. If they want to identify as a woman, then they have the right to identify as a woman. Also, the whole "too masculine" and "too feminine" thing is playing into the "am I trans* enough" game. If you feel that you were not born with the correct body for your gender, then you are trans*. It does not matter if you are FtM, FtN, MtF, MtN or any other of the millions of terms out there. Also, activities do not have a gender. What I mean by this is that since I am a bio female, I am not restricted in what I can do (the only restriction to this is gender separated sports). I grew up playing trombone. Many people thought that this was a "male" instrument. Well, no. That's not how things work. Gender stereotypes do not matter in determining your transgender status. I know a lot of transgender people that still crossdress as the sex that they were born into. They still identify as female, but they enjoy to crossdress. This does not make them less trans. If you feel that your sex does not match your gender, then that means your trans. Also, where did you get "truly transgender" at? That is another thing that I hate to hear. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the only thing criteria for somebody to classify as trans* is to feel uncomfortable in their body because their gender does not match it. To say that somebody is "truly transgender" is hurting those that are genderqueer or otherwise. When you use terms like that, you are outcasting people that are already outcasts in society. The last thing that non-binary people need to hear is that they are not "truly transgender". In short, the whole "you are not trans* enough" and the "truly transgender" movements are a whole bunch of BS. All it is an an attempt to strip other's identities because they seem them as harmful to the trans* community.
I'll just echo what's already been said. There's been some really bad information presented here as factual which is not at all factual, but one person's opinion. Unfortunately it was not stated as such. According to the literature I've seen, most MTF transgender people identify fully as female, and most FTM people identify as male. I think Mango simply doesn't understand the complexity of gender as a social construct rather than a biological function; having a penis may make one biologically male according to traditional gender definitions, but this business about "not being masculine enough to be a male" is simply bullshit, as there are plenty of people who identify as male, have male genetalia, but don't necessarily conform to male gender stereotypes. This thread isn't the place to have a long discussion about gender conformity, the politics of gender, or to spread misinformation and bad advice, so it would be good if we could get back on track and help the OP. So for you, Caroline, one piece of information that will probably be useful is: gender and sexual orientation aren't necessarily related. There are plenty of people born as men who identify as women, who are attracted to women, and plenty of people born as women who identify as, and are attracted to men. And people who are attracted to the opposite of the sex they identify with. So what's important here is to understand yourself first. You are smart to be cautious about jumping into HRT and transitioning, because it is, for the most part, not reversible. Given what you've said, it does sound like you could be transgender. But if you have a strong aversion to being attracted to the same (biological) sex, it is also (unlikely but remotely possible) that what you're feeling is an attraction to men manifesting as a desire to be a woman. Therefore, I think your best bet is to see a therapist with extensive experience working with gender identity and spend a few months exploring where you are. You want to be completely certain before you make the decision, and therapy will be really helpful in making that identification.
