So I wasn't sure whether to put this in Coming Out, or here, so it's here for now. Tomorrow I am going to see a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a month or two. He identifies as trans (FTM). I'm not too sure how long he has been transitioning, it has been less than a year though, I think maybe 3-6 months. I want to talk to him about what I've been thinking lately as far as my gender questioning, thinking I am more male, but I don't know how to bring up the topic. Coming out as lesbian was hard enough, I don't really relish the thought of coming out all over again, but I need at least one person who I can talk to about it. I want to ask like how he talked to his parents and friends about it and just be able to say what I'm thinking, and I know he will be understanding. I just don't know how to bring up the topic because I never expressed discontent towards gender in the past. Any advice is appreciated.
Hi - well I don't have much advice except to take a deep breath. You could always say the word, Peace, to yourself if you are feeling nervous. That's what I do sometimes. I imagine it going well because you have chosen someone you trust, and it will feel good to get this off your chest. Best wishes.
The good news is that he is probably the person least likely to be judgmental of anyone, in fact, he might well be very happy to possibly have a new trans* buddy. My recommendation would be to (at some early-ish part in your hanging out) just say what you have told us here, that you are questioning your own gender and are wondering if he would be willing to tell you about his experience.
Thanks. I chickened out today, but tomorrow we are going to chill again, so I'll bring it up tomorrow now that I feel more comfortable doing so.
Yeah, believe me. I was in a similar position. First figuring out my gender, I ended up reaching out to a transguy who volunteered at my support group. Gave me some advice, helped me figure it out, we still email back and forth. So it's natural to reach out and I think you'll find that a lot of transguys, myself included, don't mind taking guys starting out or someone gender questioning under their wing. I mean, there's exceptions but for the most part, many guys open to help however they can. Best way's probably just to be casual. "Hey, I've been questioning my gender lately and been having a lot of trouble figuring it out. Lot to ask of you but if you wouldn't mind lending me a hand, that'd be great." Something like that. So let me know how it goes and if you want, here to answer questions if you have them.
