I wish I was never born

If she's straight and you're a guy then I could see how it might work out. I get what you mean though. I'm gonna turn 20 this year and I've still not gone out with anyone. I didn't go to prom either. Luckily running is kind of coed-we practice together and all. Have you talked to your school about being able to go out for the guys team? It's legal in college, and you might be able to work with LGBT organizations to make some legal headway into being able to compete on those teams. It would be a big step for those after you.

 

Hey, bro.

Know where you're coming from. I myself had a pretty liberal family but gender was always black and white, never got to experience being a boy.

And it sucks like hell, missing out on what should have been yours in the first place. Easy for us trans* folk to dwell on what we've missed or what should've been.

But what's important is what you now have power over- the here and now. You may not have had the childhood you wanted but you sure as hell have the future. And that I feel, is the unique opportunity being a transman presents us with- the choice to build yourself into the man you want. More than just body, it's your values, however you choose to live your life. And it's something no one, whether family or community, can take away from you.

There may be a good chance you'll be rejected by family. But look at it this way. They are only willing to accept you if you fit into certain pre-defined boxes and if they won't accept you as a man, you'll one day be able to cut ties and find people who will. Family need not be defined by blood but by loyalty and commitment.

As Sun has said, you'll have college if you can't work something out now. I know Michigan doesn't have the same laws in place as Oregon and now California do and so you very well may have to wait until college before getting into sports, but you can still make the way easier for those who follow. Contact a local LGBT organization, see if they have any advice or know of how the situation can be worked around. Always possible to join the fight to implement gender identity protection laws, even if it's just signing or making an online petition.

As for the girl- I know how it is, mate. I'm gay. Not exactly the gay man's dream over here. She could be more accepting than you'd think. And if not, she's not the only girl out there.

It's bleak now and doesn't seem like it'll get better but it will. You've got a future ahead of you. What's up to you is to push ahead and make it happen.

 

Yeah, it's rough, and family support is crucial, though I'd say the worst that could happen is they never come around. Most families, do, eventually, but please remember that it's a huge shock for most people and just like we don't wake up one day accepting it, neither do they.

The good news is that they haven't kicked you out! Many LGBT youth, especially trans, find themselves homeless after coming out to their families. What I would suggest is getting in touch with those who might be supportive, and try to find a way to provide for yourself.

Keep in mind that trans issues have been gaining more exposure lately, and there are signs of progress, even if modest, across the nation. I won't lie, you have a challenge in front of you, but your life is by no means over. Just take it one day at a time.

 

Yeah. I get that. My own mother's made it quite clear over the past few months that she won't stand for me even presenting masculine- much less "get any ideas about being transgender."

Your mother is supposed to be the one person who will accept you no matter who you end up being. And it's a hard pill to swallow when terms and conditions apply to this acceptance.

Chances are she'll come around. Won't be today, might not be any time soon. But hopefully, sooner or later, she'll realize that if she wants to keep you in her life, she'll have to accept you as her son.

If not, the most important thing right now is living out your own life. If you have to stay in the closet for your own safety and sanity, do it for the time being. But don't force yourself into a role indefinitely just to appease people unwilling to accept yourself otherwise.

 

I have felt your pain as I have been there too as a MtoF. Be aware that life does get better when you escape your parents home. As far as your girl goes, if she is straight you might have a chance. Just be the best man you can be around her and as she is attracted to men it can happen. All my life I have almost exclusively dated and been with straight men with the exception of two Bi men. My current and I am pretty sure final husband is strictly straight but very much in love with me. He sees in me the woman he always wanted, just the packaging is incorrect and he overlooks that. It is much harder for us, (Trans) as I live to extremely high standards I set for myself which sets me apart from a lot of the other women out there he could be with. I decided to be who I am (a traditional homemaker) and cultivate the skills needed to be the best at it. In the straight world there are not many traditional housewives to be had as I understand modern women feel it's degrading and I can tell you a lot of straight men secretly really want one.

You will have to be flexible with the relationship as I have been with all of mine. So look inside and figure what kind of man you are and what you want to do with your life. Then blossom into him and a lucky lady will want you.

It is hard for the straight person at first, so be real understanding and patient. Like it took Mike 6 months to really get comfortable with the idea of making love to me. Oh we had great sex from the start, but he felt in the beginning he would need a cis-woman from time to time for sex as I am missing a VA-JJ. He never did, but came close about 4 months into our relationship. Then fast forward to last week as we were talking in bed one night he said that I am his everything and he is not interested in other women anymore as he is completely happy with his woman at home. He really surprised me in what he had to say about me and his comparisons to ALL the other women he had been with over the years. Even his family has accepted me as in their words he is the happiest they have ever seen him. It took lots of time and patients getting through those rough spots and adjustments. Just keep in mind love between two people is spiritual, not physical. Our wrong bodies are physical, where as our essence is spiritual.

I hope this helps you understand how your life can be, it is up to you really. I have some pics of us in a album on my profile here if you are curious. In my case I don't fit into the gay world and wasted lots of frustrating years trying to fit in where I was rejected. You must try to see where you fit and go from there. I think it is different for each of us as we are all individuals. Good Luck on your way! June

 

You won't live at home forever!!! That childhood stuff goes away when you get out in the world, so don't worry about your parents as they will come around later if they wan't you in their lives. Mine took nine years after I ran away from them to come find me. Just press forward and get out into the world and find your way! That is when things will come together for you! Right now just focus on developing into that awsum man you are! June

---------- Post added 17th Aug 2013 at 05:47 PM ----------

Then don't try too hard as I have found it does no good. For me I thought I was gay as I had never heard of trans until this past year. I have always fit into the straight world which is confusing to me as I hear tell straights are not very accepting I heard and gays were, but not to me though as I have found the opposite to be true in a extreme way. June

 

Mine too, but they did! Mine are Orthodox Pentecostal which must be among the worst! Like no TV, men and women are to be separate when swimming for another example. I mean strict crazy stuff! So don't push them too hard as it does no good! Focus on you! Getting the tools you need to succeed in this world and to get your girl! Then you will get your happily ever after! June

 

I know how frustrating it is as I did not get "how pretty you look today" or "What a nice young lady you are becoming" either. Instead more like how handsome he is and now to get called Sir, He, Mr, and such upsets me still. I do get called mam a lot these days and have always got hit on a lot too. Most of the men that know me admire me and the few that have seen me at home in my world have ended-up wanting me. Mike being one of them. You will find your way in this world! And it won't be too late to transition when you hit 18 if you like. At 41 I am too old for it to matter now.