Lately, I've been having some problems. I remember when I was just passively cross-dressing, I'd get called man and sir a lot, but now that I'm trying to pass (speaking in a deeper voice, compressing my chest, etc.), I get ma'am'd like nobody's business. I know I'm short and slight of build, but for the life of me, I do not understand what they see that warrants female pronouns. This has caused me a lot of problems, but I've also realized a lot of other things. There are some unnecessary things that bother me like that I don't know a lot about cars. I can talk a good game, but if asked a specific question, I usually have no idea. I don't like sports, which is not a big deal because I know plenty of guys who don't. But there are also some things that I feel are stopping me from feeling like a man. The biggest one is that I look like either a boy or a lesbian. I'm very small, so I can't fit into men's sizes. I wear a size 4 1/2 in boys' shoes, which is a serious pain in the ass as they tend to be a bit wide. I can't grow a beard to save my life. I have to try to make my voice sound deeper, which is not hard because I've had a fairly deep voice my whole life. I've also just realized how wide my hips are. My measurements are 34-28-34, and I'm 5'4". I wish I could be taller, but I can't. I also don't feel like I have the right to call myself a man until I've gone through male puberty via the use of hormones. I wasn't raised to be a man. I was raised a girl as I was assigned female at birth. I was never taught how to be a man. I didn't grow up sharing the sink with my dad while I lathered shaving cream on my face and using a toy razor to pretend to shave my face. I didn't grow up being allowed to do things with the guys, and when I started hanging out with guys in college, my family thought it was weird. Another thing that bothers me is that my husband loves my breasts. I want top surgery so badly, but he just loves those fat bags on my chest. I posted a thread a while back how my sister is obsessed with my boobs, so it just seems like they define me. It seems like, if they were just gone someday, I wouldn't be anything to anyone anymore. My husband is also starting to resist my transition. I've even been afraid to tell him that I just consigned almost all of my female clothes. I want to take testosterone-boosting supplements, but I'm afraid he'll get mad. I will admit that it's not his fault. He's a straight guy, and being transgender is not something that's easy to understand. I just feel so cheated. I know transitioning is not an easy thing, but it just feels impossible. I'm afraid that, no matter what I do, I'll never be a man on the outside. I'll always just be seen as a tomboyish girl. It's really discouraging, and if anyone has any advice, I'd love to read it. Thanks, guys.
i can see where that'd be really difficult. I imagine the hair has a lot to do with it. Maybe get an edgy haircut. Or grow out your hair next to your ears to make it look kind of like sideburns. Sort of like this picture Maybe use makeup to make your face look more angular and less smooth. lol I really have no idea. I'm just throwing out ideas. I'm on the opposite side, I was born male, but want to look female. I don't know if you've already done this, but probably your best bet is to google image search FTM people and see what things they do to pass and see if you can incorporate parts of their style into yourself. As far as the cars and sports and stuff, don't worry about that. Just be you. Gender and appearance is one thing, but stereotypes are dumb. Interests and hobbies and personality has nothing to do with gender. As far as your husband goes, that's tough. You can't just hide it from him. That'll bottle up the problems and lead to bigger problems down the road. Maybe slowly, little by little, explain to him and tell him how you really feel. It'll take a while for him to understand and he will probably never fully understand, but I'm sure he would eventually come around. Just don't hit him with it all at once. You gotta ease him into it. I am far from being an expert in these matters, but I hope this might've helped a little bit
I was brought up as a girl, too. It was only recently where I came out as being transgender after 2-3 years of trying to figure it out. I was always a tomboy but it hadn't felt right. Sometimes, identifying as a transman doesn't feel right either. With your size, I completely get that. I've stopped growing at 5'3". It's awful. I'm short and tubby. I am not skinny. I look feminine and it is hell on my dysphoria. I also got called "sir" when I wasn't trying to look masculine and when I tried, I got called "ma'am". Boobs are awful aren't they. I think if you really hate them that much, then you should get surgery. Your husband doesn't have to wear them on his chest so he shouldn't dictate if they stay or go. As for upsetting him, ease him into it. I had to do that with my parents because I thought they wouldn't be accepting. You usually think it'll be worse than it really is. I mean, I'm only 15 so I hoped that helped a little! (*hug*)
Try getting a men's haircut, and stuffing the shoes if they're too wide. You could consider mild surgery, so it's not to the extreme but will suffice. Another way to go about the chest is making it into muscle, doing a routine of pushups or bench presses daily would reduce the fat there and gain muscle. I'm not an expert at all, so hope this will help. -Emulator
Self-help books and the How Things Work series will take care of this. Cowboy boots, engineer boots or elevator shoes come to mind, but as you say, size is an issue. Funny, our purposes are 180 degrees out of phase. I have looked for womens shoes that tend more towards neutral. I have a pair of Easy Spirit 2" wedge loafers that are fairly stealthy. For you, men's shoes a bit towards the feminine end of things could work. But again, finding them in your size is a problem. I think eventually it will be inevitable that a separation is in order. Are you prepared for that? Are you working and could support yourself?
