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I'm confused. ALOT

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Prime, Aug 27, 2013.

  1. Prime

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Okay so I'm new here and hoping that you guys will help me with this problem..

    I'm 14 going on to 15 and I'm a VERY masculine guy. I've dated a couple girls and I'm not a virgin(lost it to a girl). I'm one of those guys that you would never think would be gay or even have the thought of it. I use to absolutely hate gay people but, I was fine with lesbians(not anymore). Ever since freshmen year(sophomore now) I've been starting to think this guy is really cute..He's a VERYY feminine person. I knew him since 8th grade and we never talked and he knew I didn't like him as a friend. Now I've been starting to talk to him very little. Like I'll try to make up a conversation asking for homework and stuff or reminding him what that person said in class that was funny. But I don't even know if he's gay and I don't even know if I'm Bi or gay :icon_sad: As far as I know, he doesn't have any guy friends just as friends. He's always with girls, only talks to girls, and everyone calls him a fag and stuff behind his back. He hasn't ever had a girlfriend but made out with like a couple girls back in middle school.

    I really don't even know how to approach this because no one actually knows if he is gay or not. I don't know how to talk to him and start to find out if he's gay or if he likes me and stuff. Again, I'm still not sure if I'm bi or gay like I said. If I was bi or gay I could never think of myself telling ANYONE about it. It would just hurt my reputation badly as a man.

    Please I really need help here :icon_sad: :tears:
     
  2. boysdontcry

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    The best way to know if somebody is something is to ask them. Plain and simple.
    As for yourself, it's perfectly possible that you're Bisexual, or simply just attracted to him and not other guys. However you define it, it's fine.

    (Also, I'm pretty sure this should be under "sexual orientation" instead of "gender identity")
     
  3. Prime

    Regular Member

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    Ya I was thinking of asking him but I have a really strong feeling he'll say no(might be in the closet) or get a weird vibe off me maybe(probably not) that I like him. I don't really talk to him so why would he tell me if he is.

    Sorry that I labeled it wrong.
     
  4. Jinkies

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Northern Ireland
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Okay, a couple things before I start: First, this is a sexual orientation issue, not a gender identity issue. The second is that you shouldn't worry about being manly or whatever. Be yourself.

    I'd say leave him be for right now. If you want to make friends with him, go for it. But don't have your friendship solely because you have a crush on him. Like any other relationship close or otherwise, should you choose to be his friend and should he accept, get to know what he likes, what he likes to do, etc. Until it can be confirmed whether or not he's LGBT, leave the situation.

    I'm saying what I am for this reason: In High school, there was a boy in my class that was extremely feminine. If you think the gay stereotype was feminine, this boy would breathe rainbows all over it.

    Like your case, he mostly hung with girls, but he had the energy of a small cat on sugar, and was very big in the theater department. If anybody could find the "gay" kid at that school, they'd probably pick him.

    But he never identified as gay, and he never identified as MtF. Or to my knowledge. I checked on Facebook, and it still says "male"

    Point being that your case could very likely be the same here: Just a really feminine straight guy.
     
  5. metalgrrl

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    Before you even think about pursuing this relationship, make sure you are comfortable with your sexuality. If you cant come to terms with the fact that you might be Bisexual, then your definitely not ready for a relationship with a guy.

    In regards to your crush: Unfortunately, theres really no way to know unless he comes out as gay, or you ask him. I'd recommend getting to know him better. You can't expect him to trust you with stuff like that when you barely even talk. Try inviting him to hang out, or sit with him at lunch, or something like that. Find out if he's even the kind of guy you want to date. Then, once you have a mutual trust, you can discuss sexuality.