Transvestite in Anxiety

What is your definition of transvestite? I've always considered that to be a derogatory term.

 

Hi Metroboy,

The term a lot of people under our transgender umbrella prefer is crossdresser. A reason is that transvestite is a word the medical community used to use to deny people medical help transitioning. Also a lot of us don't like "a transgender" any more than a lot of gay people like "there's a gay over there", it's a little dehumanizing.

Not trying to scare you off or make you feel like you're on eggshells or anything. We're really a laid back group here. I just wanted you to understand why you might be rubbing some people the wrong way.

As far as everything else, if you don't think transition is right for you, then it probably isn't. A lot of people transition is right for - myself included - had a hard time coming to terms with that. That's different from actually considering the idea with an open mind, like you seem to have done, and rejecting it.

If you change your mind, you change your mind. I'm 32 and there are women that start their transition later than me that look amazing and gave me so much hope when I was just starting out.

For me, it made all the pieces in my life make sense when I looked back at everything I was going through and realized I was never really a man to begin with, that it was a woman going through all those motions. And it was cathartic the first time I realized I was always a woman. From what you've said, I think you would take it a different way if someone told you you were.

Of course some of us figure this out about ourselves later on. It's just like being gay in that sense. Some of us always had a feeling and we fought it, some of us just figure it out later. Neither makes someone more trans or more gay. It's all about who you are now and what you want to do with your life now.

So that's my thoughts. The only person here who can tell anyone who you are is you. I can't tell you you are trans, and I can't tell you you aren't. But I can say that transition is something you'd have to really want, for it to be successful.

And actually, it sounds like you're telling us you're a crossdresser and not a transitioner.

Now as far as more flexible gender expression, I have some awesome male identified friends and I am so jealous of some of them on my best day. I got some awesome make-up tips from one of them Their femininity seems to me to be like an art form, and some of them take it very seriously. A little bit of performance and presentation, a little bit of visual art, shape, light, shadow. It can be a lot of fun. And they remind me that being a girl can be fun. So I like to be around them when I'm down in the dumps and viewing this whole trans thing like a burden.

You don't have to transition if you just want to wear a skirt. They are awesome aren't they? It really sucks that we make it so hard for people, men and women, that they feel terrified all the time of doing anything unusual. When I first started dating I told my girlfriend I cross dressed. It's always a bigger deal in your mind than it is in reality.

And if you do change your mind some day in the future and decide you need to transition, then that's just what happens. You would transition. And then you would be a woman. No need to lose sleep over it; if you were in that boat, it would be what you wanted anyway.

 

I started crossdressing because I get sexual pleasure from dressing up as a (hot ) woman, in sexy/fetish clothes: short skirts, heels, hosiery, etc. 99% of my dress-up sessions end with masturbation to orgasm. I do not feel any discord about my anatomy. I love many of the male-identified stuff: cars, motorcycles. I am hyper-competitive. But, I also love (and am very decent at!) cooking and sewing. For most of my life, I thought myself only a "fetishistic crossdresser", not a transgender person.

Then something happened. A lesbian on-line friend was "coaching" me on how to dress when going to a lesbian bar. Dress less like a "party girl" and more like a "normal woman" or "normal lesbian", she said. I dressed as a "normal woman" would: normal skirt length, not showing so much legs, not sky-high spike heels, etc. Lo and behold, I didn't feel sexually aroused. Instead, I felt this amazing feeling of happiness and tranquility!

As well, another GG on-line friend claims that women also feel turned on when wearing sexy clothes. That got me thinking, maybe my being turned on when crossdressing in sexy women's clothes is not "unusual" afterall. That, plus the new-found tranquility when dressed "normally" got me thinking maybe there is more going on in my head than I know. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in gender issues and am currently working with her to determine whether or not I should transition and live as a woman.

In response to your question, I'll give you the answer that my therapist gave me in our very first session: only you have the answer; nobody else knows how you feel. If possible, I suggest seeing a therapist. It helps tremendously to talk to someone who has experience in helping people to explore their own psyche, especially if the therapist is experienced with transgender issues. If it's not possible to seek therapy, there's always these forums!

I would start by not dwelling on labels: transvestite, crossdresser, transsexual, gender dysphoric, etc. They are few and will never be adequate to describe all seven billion people on this Earth. Concentrate on recognizing, identifying, and analyzing your own feelings and behavior.