Friends?

Hey. Just wanted to let you know that you're free to message me/friend and whatnot. Can't promise I'll be prompt but I'm in the same boat as a transguy so willing to lend whatever advice possible from within the closet.

Cheers

- Byron

 

I also have had the hardest time trying to find real-life FTMs to be friends with. Thus far I have only met 3 in my life. (And before you say that sounds like a lot, one was a couple years before I was out, another was when I was visiting a different city, and the last one was last week.

The GSA sort of thing on my campus is mysteriously disintegrated and missing. What I found is that if you can find an LGBT meet up, that's good, but you said you haven't been able to. It would help to know what island you're on and maybe we could research for you. I know when I was travelling across the country for the summer the director of the equality alliance here knew people out where I was going. I think what you'll find is everyone is so close knit that someone knows someone who knows someone. You have to break into it. If all else fails, you might consider starting something of your own. You're definitely not the only one out there, and someone has to take the initiative - that's how each and every group started.

I thought for a long time that there wasn't any group that I could find, but with some good searching and asking around I was able to find some stuff. So if you're comfortable letting us know what island you're looking on, then we can try to help further.

 

I totally know what you're going through! I started questioning my gender a year ago and finally realised I'm a guy a few months ago. I haven't started transitioning yet and have only told my boyfriend and real life transguy friend. My trans friend is more accepting, obviously. My boyfriend has known for a few months but still seems to be getting used to the idea. We actually got into a fight about it a few days ago because it's been stressing me out so much.

But anyway, I know how you feel, and I can be a friend if you want. So if you ever want to, just message me or something. I hope things start going better for you.

 

Yeah man, feel free to message me and whatnot. I know a couple transguys in real life, but I'm afraid to talk to them because I'm worried they won't find me "trans enough" since they're pretty intense dudebros, and I'm well...whatever the hell I am. But I'm around, and I'm nice enough.

 

I'm the same as clockworkfox. I've only talked to my trans friend about trans stuff once, and it was when I told him I'm trans. And nothing much was said about it. It took me months to get the courage just to tell him, and I'm still scared to talk to him about it because I fear he won't think I'm trans enough if I tell him about it. Especially since I'm not extremely dysphoric 24/7. I can ignore it sometimes, though it IS getting harder because I'm getting more and more uncomfortable in my body.

We shouldn't have to worry about being trans enough though. Not all of us are the same.

 

That's the thing. I'd never judge another FAAB dude, or assume that they need to be a certain way to really be trans. So why do I assume other guys would do this to me? We all have our own experiences with this trans thing, with our bodies, and we're all different people in the first place. So.

 

Yeah.. when I'm around a transman with a full out beard I tend to judge myself pretty harshly. Maybe you guys should look up Ryan Cassata, if you haven't heard of him. He definitely works to squash the trans enough idea and makes some pretty awesome music.

ZDB, you should look at this organization. Even though you might not directly be able to find a support group, you can start calling around. Tell them you're looking for other transguys to be friends with. Even leave your contact information in case someone else does the same.

Kulia Na Mamo

 

The thing though is that while a lot of trans people wouldn't judge others on being trans enough or not, some would. While it probably most definitely is in the minority, I have heard of a few trans people judging others because the person wasn't in a constant super duper state of dysphoria. Like maybe the person didn't hate one part of their body so much, instead of hating it all so equally that they couldn't stand it. I'm sure some trans people get butthurt or something because some trans people are actually comfortable enough with their bodies, though they might have some dysphoria still, to have sex and stuff. But I'm sure most trans people don't get all judgmental and stuff. Because all trans people are somewhat different and have different levels of dysphoria.

 

I only know of a few transguys IRL, though I don't have any trans* friends. So I get where you're coming from. Resources are frustratingly limited in certain areas, and if it weren't for the internet, going through these feelings by yourself would be isolating as all hell. No need to apologise for sounding "desperate" - there's plenty of trans people in your situation, I'd imagine, and asking for help or some support isn't a crime.

As for the whole "trans* enough" thing... eh. It always came across as body policing to me. Gender policing. Dysphoria doesn't have any set definition and some experience it milder than others, dysphoria manifests in other places for some, ect. Honestly, it makes me wary of being a part of the trans community or trying to speak with fellow transmen because if I dare mention being genderqueer, I'd likely be told that I'm just some confused cisfemale, even though I do experience mild dysphoria. (And I largely blame these attitudes on misogynistic viewpoints with transmen because rarely do you see the "trans* enough" stigma with transwomen communities.)

I just find a majority of the community to be so hostile, imo. It's always some perpetual fight to validate ourselves, even with other transfolk. Which is completely silly.

 

Oddish, I actually know what you mean. I'm in a few ftm groups on facebook and in one of them, there's a LOT of arguing and fighting. A lot of people on there get soo butthurt about everything and if you say anything that they disagree with, they jump down your throat, even if it's just your opinion or personal experience and you're not parading it around as fact. But they'll act like everything they say is fact and never wrong.

But I don't know how many transguys are actually like that. It might just be that a lot of the assholes congregated to that group. I don't know. Hopefully though, that kind of immature behavior is in the minority.

 

Lol. Usually they say anything along the lines of: "A transguy who doesn't want surgery? Transtrender!! Fake!!! Liar!!!". Same as with transguys who don't want to take hormones.. and there's already enough pressure to medically transition in the FtM community.

Out of the transguys I've met IRL at a support group, they're nice. Most of them are pre-hormones and they're accepting of the genderqueer label. I've only come across the policing-type over the internet.

We already go through enough trying to validate ourselves in front of our cisgender family, friends, coworkers, ect. Now we have to do the same for other trans* people? :rolle:

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've heard guys on the internet say that too. I only know one transguy in real life, and he's nice as well. I've talked to a few guys that life near me on the internet. And they were okay. I don't get what's up with those crazy guys on the internet

 

I will be your friend

 

This is so nice and sweet

 

Same situation with my current boyfriend.. he's now projecting onto me that he thinks it's just a phase for me too.. it's totally bogging me down, so I totally get how it is. It gets better though.

and no worries, it's not sounding desperate I didn't have anyone to talk to until I came onto EC as well, so I totally get the feeling. if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a message

 

I'm just a girl, but I think you're brave. I will be your friend.