Well that was one of the more unpleasant periods of my life. Since my last argument with mum where I argued with her about how she should accept crossdressers and trans people like she would anybody else I have been worried about if I actually told her I was heading that way myself. Well it turns out I didn't. Somehow it managed to come up when she got in, I can't remember how she brought it up exactly but what started out as small remark turned into a huge argument. It wasn't pleasant, although admittedly it was better than I'm sure a lot of peoples experiences have been. She swore blind how she was desperately trying to hard to understand the whole situation. Which is true in the sense that she didn't talk to anyone or ask any questions or read anything and just carried on like the conversation never happened. She kept talking about how if I went out dressed like a woman I would look stupid. I would look so stupid that people would comment about it. I'd never get a job ever. All her friends would refuse to let their children come and play with my younger sisters because of me. People would say things to her about how stupid I looked. I told her if that was a problem I would have to leave and then she yelled saying that she wouldn't do that and said I should just try and be normal. Why can't you just act normal. You have to conform occasionally, you can't just do everything you want all the time. So this went on and on, and I reminded her that at no point in my life has she ever once asked me what I'm thinking or why I'm doing things, she just tells me her theory and gets angry. She would make an accusation then I would tell my side and she would get pissed off because I actually had counter points. I know she wants to understand but she will not DO anything about it. I told her to speak to her councillor. She said she couldn't do that in case he turned around and said she was a terrible mother! It escalated rather rapidly and I basically had to tell her that her options were ask questions now and risk irritating me or accuse me of something later and DEFINITELY offend me with unknown results when the full extent of her ignorance is revealed. I've told her to write down anything she can think of that might concern her to see if that helps. Anyway I know what I can tell her for how I feel about things but does anyone have anything useful I might need as back-up in case it isn't sinking in? EDIT; Oh look I might have broken my family too! My step-dad came and interrupted out conversation and seems to have taken exception to the fact that it was loud and the windows were open. What if the neighbours heard (ignoring the fact that dispite his complaint he has no idea what we were talking about so it couldn't have been THAT loud). Ugh he pisses me off so much. I was thought he might just ignore anything I did but the more I think about it the more I think he's gonna be a complete dick...can't wait to leave this shit-hole
Your mother is panicking over potential worst-case scenarios, but completely disregarding your own feelings on the matter. From her perspective, you're just being "difficult", which is completely stupid because people don't just do these things for no reason. My parents can be like this too, I understand. I keep stumbling on random (and really good!) transgender pamphlets, web pages, and guides for cis-people and parents specifically. I'll link to them if i find them.
Heya so I read this and I can definitely relate to it. My outtake on this is that she's still trying to wrap her head around it. She swore blind how she was desperately trying to hard to understand the whole situation. Which is true in the sense that she didn't talk to anyone or ask any questions or read anything and just carried on like the conversation never happened. I don't really know whether not researching on the matter is equivalent to trying to understand the situation... I would've thought if she spent some time researching she would find out there really isn't anything wrong with it. Depending on how emotionally stable your mum is, I don't suggest she internalises her feelings, because that (or at least in my case) leads her to being the one feeling she has to carry this burden, this secret, alone. Basically what happened with me is my mum started playing the victim card because 'she couldn't talk to anyone about it', when really, think of who the victim is supposed to be! Just my advice to steer away from that situation. She would make an accusation then I would tell my side and she would get pissed off because I actually had counter points. I'm in a relatively similar position with my mum as well. I think the 'getting pissed' part has something to do with knowing that your own set of rules are being logically deconstructed and undermined. The way people react in those circumstances is often similar to child-like tantrum. I hope your mum can overcome that barrier of uncertainty and start accepting you for who you really are. I know she wants to understand but she will not DO anything about it This quote kinda hit me as well. I don't know whether the time-factor is an issue, but does it seem like she only has an intellectual recognition of your situation without any genuine, emotional backup? Like she can say "I support you" etc. but will always be finding ways to convince herself that you can change, or still having a problem with it?
@fox thanks, that would be really helpful! @episode She's definitely emotionally unstable! She kept telling me that I should just be me as I am now and then argued the toss when I said that I didn't even know who that was!
Hey man, really sorry it went that way, I tend to be devil's advocate so hear me out, Kay? Now if we take a step back and look, at the fact the cross dressing is more of a minority and because, like any minority, it can be looked at as odd or weird. Your mum may conform to these ideas and trying to change her mind instantly will have close to zero success. Because of this you may want to be a bit more carful if you want to tell anyone else.
