Hi there, I'm not entirely sure how to start here, however I think I may be able to do it best by pasting a few short excerpts from my blog that has me.. coming out: ---- "Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I think about the things I do? Why do I question my gender? Why do I question my sexuality?" I've always said I'm a simple.. guy; that I'm a simple person. I don't know why but I cannot refer to myself as a man, as a male. I do not feel like one, even though I may look like one. I found out at the beginning of all.. this, that I am not simple. Not even close, I'm far more complex than even I can understand. I'm finding it very difficult right now to word myself properly here so anybody out there that reads this can understand where I'm coming from. Where I'm going. I had no motive to do anything, besides try and make a life online, through mmos or social networking with fake identities. Always wanting attention I'd be the whiny guy who couldn't keep it together for one day without jealousy taking over, or the drama queen that wanted to be the girl at the center of everyone's attention. I'm out of the closet. I like men, as equally as I like women. I'm not sexually attracted to either, however I am sexually attracted one that is both. This is the part where things get confusing, for myself and anybody else (who may be reading) that is not brushed-up on the subject. I am sexually attracted to the transgender and that is about all I know.. for now. I also know that I am not simply a 'male' as everybody knows and sees me as. I've always felt different, as if I were actually a 'female' stuck inside a man's body. I have done a lot of researching and discussed this endlessly with a couple people. It is a subjective dilemma that will take a lot of time to figure out, and until than I will continue to consider myself as being of the third gender or genderqueer and that the future is not entirely clear. Sexuality besides the above is a rather minute aspect of my life. Even more so when relationships are brought into the picture. As I do not hold a favorite over gender; I see the term gender as being unnecessary in life. A person, regardless if they've been classified a male or a female by birth, should not be (and is not) limited to the social construct of what each sex is expected to be and do in society. With this knowledge and belief, I find that regardless of one's 'gender' an attraction can be made. Gender is a term society has given us - who we are, who we should be, and who we will become - to be predetermined by. I find sexual attraction towards the transgender, and I also find strong spiritual attraction to one as well. I believe in spirituality, and the following is how I perceive it, and how I live with it: a relationship to me doesn't rely on ones gender, or ones sexuality. A relationship for me is something where I can connect with a person for who they are, not what they are. I can say I'm still at a point where I've found someone I'm crazy for however the feeling is not mutual. And so we remain friends. ----- It's a large amount of text taken from an even larger entry. It's how I currently feel. You all will come to learn I hate using the word what when it comes to identity or sexuality, but I will use it here for the moment. With how I feel, I do not know what I am, or am trying to be. I seek guidance in that area, and that's why I've brought myself here. Thank you to all who understand. ~Andrew
