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*PANIC*I start college tomorrow! Advice?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TheMightyBoosh, Sep 2, 2013.

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  1. TheMightyBoosh

    TheMightyBoosh
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    Hey there fellow EC users :help:
    do you think you can help me?

    Well see, I start college tomorrow....and see I am stuck because I am "out" to my mum about being ftm, but I know she doesn't want me to be and when I spoke to her about college during the beginning of summer she said it would probably be better if I didn't mention anything to the college about being ftm....:icon_sad: but I want to feel comfortable at college this time, I was doing performing arts at college around December but kept taking time off cause of my anxiety, which was good, but I found it so difficult as I had to wear skirts in performances and dresses, and also guy girl partner dancing, yeah cause to me it's guy/guy dancing -_- :eusa_doh: when I wear a dress/skirt I just see myself as a guy wearing a dress/skirt...

    so I am going back to college but am starting a different course (possibly maybe go back to performing arts) am doing art.

    But what if I want at this new course to see if they use "my guy name" and if they do and just an example what if I am with a few people and I see people I know from the other course of teachers and they say my sadly real name...cause it would mess up passing (passing is difficult anyway) then I'd have to explain and I don't think I am ready to tell anyone just yet...:bang:and then I'd feel sh_t then probably not go back cause it would be like...
    ME: LA LA LA LA *walking along with people from new course*
    PEOPLE FROM PERFORMING ARTS COURSE: *SHOUTING MY "GIRL NAME"
    "Why are they calling you that?"
    ME: Urrrm.....:***:
    ------- Who's A?
    Why are they looking at you??
    Yeah you get the picture it's awkward right...

    I just want a clean start, but part of me doesn't want to listen to my mum and keep quiet till after college...it makes me so depressed I couldn't have just been born the way I feel, it would have been so much more simple :help:

    Plus what do I do if I need the toilet!!? :eek:
    Guys or Girls?

    I really dunno what to do anymore, sorry it's a bit long
    forgive me :rolle:
    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: :newcolor: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
    #1 TheMightyBoosh, Sep 2, 2013
  2. biggayguy

    biggayguy
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    For your safety I would go with the gender people perceive you as being.
     
    #2 biggayguy, Sep 2, 2013
  3. Just Jess

    Just Jess
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    A lot of colleges have good LGBT support. Mine had an awesome trans group (albeit a bit small). The nice thing about the trans group is that it was other people I saw every week; it was nice knowing that I'd be missed and noticed if something happened. And dorms with primarily LGBT students in them (so I'm told, I lived off campus) to keep us from getting harassed. I walked into a building with a giant rainbow painted on the window every Wednesday and never once had any issues, even when people from my classes and study groups saw me.

    It really depends on the school how supportive they are though. Have you thought about bringing this up with your school's LGBT center?

    While you should obviously be smart and safe, you have raised some good questions. And you are probably also concerned about things like what name ends up on your diploma etc.

    If you are really ready for a clean start, then you are. But it's easier with the school's help.

    Your issues at home are a different story though. Another thing most schools offer for free that may help with that is a therapist. Mine offered to help talk to my girlfriend and even her parents if I brought them in, although I never ended up taking advantage of that. The catch is though that at least one student has to be there; you can't get your family therapy that way.

    Plus, although not always, some school therapists are qualified to help with letters of recommendation.
     
    #3 Just Jess, Sep 2, 2013
  4. Meribor

    Meribor
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    Instead of pretending the previous year didn't happen, maybe just try and come out? I don't know your school, but the theatre and art crowds generally have more than enough overlap that your feared scenario is likely to happen. Theatre and art crowds are also more open to LGBT issues, and word may spread and the new you may gain quicker acceptance.

    The one bit of specific advice is to seek out the LGBT group(s) in your school for advice and support.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2013 at 10:57 PM ----------

    Also, although this page seems more for those starting school a-new, you may get some tips out of it: The 8 tips you need for coming out at college or uni | Gay Star News

    The above article mentions this UK site which may be able to help: Stonewall University Guide
     
    #4 Meribor, Sep 2, 2013
  5. suninthesky

    suninthesky
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    My advice: don't panic. Take a deep breath. Things are probably going to be fine. Have a good first day back and let us know how it goes!
     
    #5 suninthesky, Sep 2, 2013
  6. DhammaGamer

    DhammaGamer
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    I went to school one semester presenting as one gender then the next semester presented as a different gender and didn't even explain the situation to people at all. I just lived my life and everyone just slowly adjusted. The only notification I ever gave to instructors was on my legal name change which I finished right at the start of my transition.
     
    #6 DhammaGamer, Sep 3, 2013
  7. TheMightyBoosh

    TheMightyBoosh
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    Thanks so much everyone for the feedback, it didn't go...well how I had imagined. :rolle: It wasn't good nor extremely horrible, :/ but I knew everyone could see how scared I was, I didn't want to answer a question or really say anything, and felt I didn't fit in, I was so scared. The people seem alright, I knew I'd be called by my birth name by staff and referred to as she, cause they don't know...I think I might slowly come out using my artwork. :thumbsup:

    When I was with a member of staff in a quiet room because I was too scared to go into the cafeteria some guys were in there and one said "Is it a guy or a girl?"

    getting called she and my birth name made me feel like I was being bashed on the head with a hammer sinking lower and lower into the ground :bang: but they don't know, I guess In my head I just wished that I'd go in and it would be "him" and "Dante"--
    but in time I am sure I'll get there....and if that gets too much for me then I will speak to someone. I dunno how the guys will react in the group though :confused: if I came in as who I really am, I am quite a sensitive person and don't want to be a traget for bullies anymore

    thanks again everyone, your awesome c:
     
    #7 TheMightyBoosh, Sep 4, 2013
  8. suninthesky

    suninthesky
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    I know what you mean about just wishing we could go in and get them to use the right pronouns. It's a pretty tough battle trying to remember patience.
     
    #8 suninthesky, Sep 4, 2013
  9. RoyalRed

    RoyalRed Guest

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    I am sure in time it will work out for you :slight_smile: but some people wont and will accept you but there are grate people who don't care and will see you as who you are someday or another. do your best and stand up and say "i am a guy" and be proud try your best (witch im sure you do) to not let bullies bother you :slight_smile:
    wish u luck.
     
    #9 RoyalRed, Sep 4, 2013
  10. Feijoa

    Feijoa
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    Cassie have some great advice. I would definitely check out the campus group and also get in touch with a couple groups in London.
     
    #10 Feijoa, Sep 5, 2013
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