Hey Guys, I'm a 14 year old (almost 15) transgender guy. I am new to the site and I not out to anyone but my best friend. I am tying to figure out how to come out to my parents and brother, but I am kinda nervous. Before I come out I wanted to come up with the name I would like to be called. I was thinking either, Jake, Alex or Alec. Tell me what one you think I should go with and if you have any suggestion, please let me know. Thanks
Actually, coming out before coming up with a name would be a better option for the following reasons: 1. Coming out early lets the people around you know what's going on, who you really are, and it lets them settle that thought in so they can accept it earlier. 2. If you start with names, it could possibly be a bit too much for your family to wrap their head around. Basically think of it like giving them the appetizer of onion rings before giving them their main course instead of giving it all to them at once (the appetizer with the main course). Coming out will basically let them know "Okay, he's different. In this sense. Now to get ahold of this topic, get educated a bit more on it, etc." I say this because so many people get the idea that being transgender and being gay are one and the same. Or one causes the other. If they know the basic facts about you first before getting into the nitty-gritty details, they don't have to deal with so much. As for names, go with what you feels best, or best suits you.
Thank you so much for the advice. Any ideas for how I should go about coming out? ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2013 at 03:26 PM ---------- Also, I have one HUGE problem. I go to an all girls school! I love the school and that's why I've only told one person cuz I feel like if I come out to a bunch of people, word could spread to the administrators and I could get kicked out of the school. That would suck cuz I love the school.:help:
I'm a little bit older than you but just about in the same boat. A few friends and my current partner know, I'm waiting for my mom to get back in town so I can come out to her. I think I have actually officially decided to come out to my mom, and then let her help me pick names so she might feel more comfortable / involved. You can read tons of coming out stories to get ideas, but you can always just say to your parents that you feel like you are transgender, and youd like to see a therapist about it (thats the best / quickest way to transition). You should be ready to answer any questions they have, so do some research. From what I have been told, there's no real right or wrong time to come out - but if you feel like it could be a safety issue like your parents kicking you out, hurting you, etc...make sure you have some places to stay and some money saved. As for your school, maybe you can try and do some internet searches and see if they let trans* youth stay, or if they ever have before? Or maybe you'll decide it's best that you wait to transition until after school. All of those things a therapist can really help you figure out though! & I am pre - everything, currently coming out to everyone so if you need support or a friend even though I'm older you can message me or something!
Do you have a counselor at the school that you could possibly talk to? If there is, I'd talk to the counselor about it and maybe not come out at school, but definitely with your family. Does your family seem like they might not accept you if you come out? If so, I'd be really cautious. If not, then simply come out whenever the time feels or seems right. Whether it's 101 or you talking to them as a group, either would likely be fine in that case.
thanks guys. Just came out to my family as having gender confusion issues and they were kinda contradicting but overall supportive. I think they might be a little sad. My mom said that she is fine with me wearing boys clothes and all, but that she refuses to allow me to start Testosterone at this early of an age. My dad felt the same way, but he is a little worried about me making a big statement - especially to my community. I have a therapist that I've been talking to and that helps. She also contacted my school for me a few months ago to see if they had dealt with this sort of situation before and they hadn't.
I totally agree with what your parents say. They seem supportive of this, and their reasons for thinking the thoughts they have are completely well-reasoned. T at this point isn't the best for, ironically, your dad's concerns as well as the fact that you simply have to come out to people before having them go "Wait, what the hell? Why is your voice deep and why don't you have boobs anymore?" Did your counselor say what the school thought of the situation? Are they willing to keep someone like you and help work things out?
She didn't really tell me anything other than they haven't dealt with this before. She also kept my name anonymous for my safety.
Ok, I have a new question. This has more to do with passing. I want to give my body more of a masculine shape and so I'm wondering which muscles I should focus on. If anyone knows, please help!
The resources sticky has the Illustrated FtM Guide to looking like a hot dude. Fashion and exercise guide. Basically, focusing on the upper body will help bulk up your shoulders and give you more of a masculine silhouette. Building up arm strength and toning your biceps also tends to help, though I find it's more of a mental thing. Shedding weight also seems to help with the hips and ass- which are going to be your biggest speedbumps in trying to present male. Because, again, it's the silhouette we're talking.
