Is it possible for acute childhood gender dysphoria to 'correct' itself or grow less pronounced with adulthood? Growing up, I never knew that anything like gender dysphoria and transgender existed. All I knew was that I hated everything about being a girl, from my body to the social norms I was expected to conform to. At an early age I was very withdrawn, and later on during my pre and early teens I suffered from severe depression. I didn't feel like I fit in and I'd constantly wish I'd been born a guy. I became very tomboyish as I grew older, but after my family's intervention I had to correct many of my non-feminine (and hence 'unattractive') mannerisms and behavior to avoid constant criticism. While I've always resented the body I was born with, I gradually came to be more comfortable with it. When I turned 21 I began to see myself as a girl when I dreamed (I'd always been a guy in my dreams unless I was having a realistic nightmare). By age 23 I was always a girl when dreaming. If a gay friend hadn't outright told me that I was genderqueer two months ago, I would have continued to be oblivious. I guess it had never occurred to me because I'd sported the ignorant assumption that transgender people were gays and lesbians who just wanted to be the opposite sex. I like guys so, in my head, I didn't fit the profile. In fact as far as I knew I didn't fit into any category. It took me a month after my friend pointed it out to begin to seriously think about it and research it, and suddenly my life made sense. My problem now is that I'm very intimidated by the whole situation. I know that I'm much more comfortable being female today than I used to be, even if I do still experience twinges of resentment/longing when I see pictures of toned male bodies, pass by the guys' section in clothing stores and so on. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if ignoring this will allow nature to take its course as I settle with what I have, or if I'm just kidding myself and will become more discontent now that I've figured out the reason behind most of my personal hang ups and relationship issues. I'd really appreciate any insights.
Hey, this reminded me of a conversation I had with my therapist about transgenders. She told me that studies say, that those who say they're transgender and feel that way through the ages of 13-18, actually become more acceptant of the body they were born with. Now it was awhile ago so I'm not sure if that's exactly what she said, correct me if you please, but it was something among those lines. So there's always that possibility its a "phase." I really hope my feelings aren't, but for you, no one can really know but you. If you feel comfortable in the body you were born with, then you could be genderqueer, but if you feel as if you are lying to yourself for others, then don't lie to yourself any longer. You say you feel a little envious sometimes, again, it could be simple admiration, or you still feel as if you are in the wrong body. No one can really know, but you. I hope I was of some help, if you need to talk you send me a message. -Kisa
I want to say otherwise, but I don't think you can really predict what's going to happen with this I know a lot of us have periods where, everything's fine. I definitely have. I also know a lot of us talk about how things get worse and reach a breaking point, and I had that happen too. One thing we do know is that people's hormones start to change when they get older. MAAB people produce less testosterone and FAAB people go through menopause. How that affects people is easy to google, but how that affects you is anyone's guess. With me, I had a few points where I had myself convinced that I could make things work as a man. I'd always envied people that had gone through transition, but I told myself I couldn't do it. I treated my being trans as a problem and I would push myself to do things like, kind of hard to think about this now, "no shave november". I don't know if you ever had a girlie-girl phase but I think a huge part of my over-the-top macho guy phase was me trying to be comfortable in a male role. So obviously it didn't work out in my case. I think what got to me eventually was imagining watching all these people in my position transitioning successfully while I got further and further into a male life. That stuck on the other side of a sheet of glass feeling got worse and worse for me as time went on. And there were other problems my being trans was causing in my relationship that were just getting worse and worse. The usual "house of cards" metaphor people use really does apply to me personally. To make things worse the whole situation was terribly unfair to my partner, whether or not I transitioned. But I'm not you. What I can say, is that you really do have to make friends with yourself and who you really are to do anything worthwhile with your life. And you really have to know who he or she is before you get in a relationship with someone else, or it will almost definitely cause problems further on. If you don't know everything that's okay, there's some things I don't think some people will ever figure out and you shouldn't pass up a good thing just for that - but then you have to be honest about not knowing everything. The best thing about my transition, is just not fighting myself and accepting who I am. If you can get there without any kind of change, living as a woman, then you can. I couldn't. One last thing I can say, is that even today, presenting male still feels safer for me. And there are a lot of things from my former life - we tend to call these things scars and that's honestly close to how I feel about them, but they really are just things not good or bad - that are always going to be there. Sometimes I really just feel like I should go back to being a guy all the time. And from what I've heard, feeling like this is completely normal. You've been living a female life for over 2 decades, and your experiences living in the female role are real and they're going to shape who you are a little.
When I was younger I was sure I would grow up to be a boy. I didnt care what my parents said, or that the other boys at school told me I wasnt like them. I didn't understand being transgender, or what dysphoria was. I just knew my body was wrong and I wasnt what I was on the outside. By middle school I just started accepting it. I still had intense issues of dysphoria when periods came and breasts grew, but I put on a mask, copied girls around me and figured out how to make it work. High school came, I came out as bi - figured my childhood dilemma was just due to being open sexually and I kept on living as a girl. Dysphoria in direct relation to my female anatomy basically went away and it was almost as if my childhood issues never happened. Then two years ago I got pregnant. When I got pregnant and became a parent I suddenly had everything come back to me (probably because pregnancy is such a strong female thing) and now I am 23, a parent to a 2.5 year old, have been out as genderqueer for 2 years and JUST NOW starting to come out to people / seek therapy for being FTM. So you never know. Mine went away for years and if I would have never had a child, I mightve stayed genderqueer and neutral about my anatomy for the rest of my life. Or maybe I would have figured it out at 40. You can always see a therapist, and continue to explore your identity. Its confusing, and you are your own hardest puzzle. It just takes you really really getting to know yourself AND be willing to be honest with yourself.
Thanks for the input, Kisa. To be honest I'd rather it be a phase, but the more I analyze my past actions and my current repressed feelings, the less temporary it feels. I'm still having a hard time accepting it though, because I'm worried about what comes afterwards. Taking any sort of action would result in a lot of backlash and complications that I don't have the courage for. I've been raised to conform, conflict avoidance drilled so deeply into me that it's second nature. Accepting myself and doing something about it goes against the grain. If I'm honest I'd admit that I'm looking for an excuse not to change, to accept the status quo. But every time I lean towards that decision, I get a miserable nagging feeling in my gut. I'm just lost, stuck between wanting change and fearing the consequences. It doesn't help that there aren't any therapists in my country specialized in gender identity, not as far as I know, so I'm not sure if I can get professional guidance to help me with this. Seeing it as a problem, yes. Uber-girliness phase, never. I've always hated everything about presenting myself as a girl, so I stopped wearing anything remotely girly at a very young age unless coerced by my mom. At its worst, during my darkest bouts of depression in my mid to late teens, I neglected my appearance completely. I still occasionally do, but I've become better at it, even if it's hardly anywhere near the normal effort that others put into their looks. Yes, I feel that envy. I feel it when I look at well-transitioned trans (though I don't begrudge them the happiness), and I especially feel it when I look at regular guys who have the looks that I've always wanted. Yesterday I was out shopping for clothes (something that I avoid with a vengeance) and I passed a few colorful men's underwear and shirt displays – it triggered such bitterness and regret, it made me realize that being happy with what I was wasn't going to be easy. I'm not even going to go into relationships; every foray into dating so far has ended with such a complicated mess of awkwardness. Thanks for the advice, Cassie, I really appreciate it. I guess it's too early to decide anything. I'll just have to give it more time and thought. So true. Your story really resonated with me, transqueer, thank you so much for sharing it.
Yes its possible at a young age. A lot of young gay kids feel more comfortable presenting as the other gender but then grow into themselves and their sexuality later. If you stil experience it in adulthood i would say it would most likely not go away.
i'm currently doing through a massive denial stage because its coming up to the time when i really have to come out or be depressed for the rest of my life. as part of this i have been going through a harrowing array of requestioning which has brought me to my knees one again, for some people it may well "correct" and you'd be happy to be gender queer but for me i've come back to the conclusion time and again the this corporeal form is not mine.
