Not being able to father a child

Umm, you're 16 and your orientation says straight? What are you worried about? I don't mean to be harsh but unless you're already known to be sterile for some reason (such as if you're a transguy), I would say your situation sounds A-OK.

I get that feeling sometimes too though. Occasionally I really want to be with a guy and might end up with one someday. But I do want to be a father and adopting would not quite be the same thing.

 

I think adopting is just fine, some non-biological parents love their children 100 times more than some biological parents who take their children for granted and see them as their "property". Plus, by adopting, you save a child's life from being brought up without love in orphanages and random foster homes.
Bear also in mind that science grows more potent each day, and now if you find a woman who is willing and doesn't want the baby, you can merge your sperm with her eggs without sexual intercourse and let her have your baby and then give it to you and your husband. It does sound like a sci-fi scenario but we live in a world of countless possibilities you never know what life will bring to you.

 

Sorry that I can't help. Must be a horrible feeling (*hug*)

 

Alright. I will admit, this isn't something I really try and think about. Never wanted kids but I will admit the lack of ability to father one cuts me up.

Anyway. You won't be able to have one the way you want. Not there yet in terms of medical technology and in the immediate future, perhaps there will be options for transwomen and transmen to have biological children. For instance, the first womb implants are occuring around the world- transwomen may one day be able to carry a child. A similiar option may one day be available for transmen.

But we're far from there yet. And I take it if you want a family, you won't be willing to wait thirty years for science to catch up.

I get it's dysphoric inducing and hell to know your body's not going to work the way it should have. Believe me. Not a new feeling for me either. But think of it this way- plenty of cismen are infertile. Hell, ciswomen as well. The inability to have children doesn't invalidate their gender. And while obviously, our case isn't quite the same, point being your manhood isn't dependent on what's in your pants. Despite what you've heard.

I actually like to think of myself as something of an amputee. A man loses his leg- he may never be able to run or walk like a man with two but technology's bringing him closer every day to being able to run a race or what have you not. So I'm a man without a penis. And it'll never be the same as the 'real thing' but transmen have options, we're getting closer every day to having functional options.

So if kids are what you want, you have options. Artificial insemination could be something you and, I assume, your future wife may seek out. If you so wanted, you could always save your eggs before you begin HRT. And I've been reading up- there also may be an option to take your bone marrow and convert it into a sperm cell.

It won't be the same as simply plugging it into your lady and having the little swimmers do the job. I get that it sucks but you can make it work. Can't let everything get you down. Then where does that leave you?

Hope this helped. Hang in there, man. (*hug*)

 

this also saddens me, it would be an amazing feeling to be able to get pregnant and have a child, i would love my child so much :icon_sad: (not that i would not love an adopted child, but giving birth to a child would be so special)

 

Yea, I wish I could bear my own children. I will hopefully adopt one day. There are many motherless children in this world who need a happy home and loving parents. I don't need to be able to get pregnant to be a good mommy.

 

Why is that so important? There are lot's of cisgender people who cannot produce children of their own. This isn't an issue that is confined by the terms of your gender identity. It is an issue of acceptance of the limitations of your body and the choices you have in this life to raise and father children, regardless whose genetic material was used to produce those children.

 

Seconded.

Man. I'm sorry but this is something you'll have to accept sooner or later. It's hard to deal with, knowing your body has limitations, but that certainly doesn't mean you can't find a way to live a productive and fulfilling life anyway. You can't let shit like this destroy you. Too easy to let it. Believe me, I know.

 

it's interesting when people use the term "normal" it's a vague concept that people have created as a standard.
People have family (IE children that they make) but sometimes you have to build a family in a non-traditional sense. Adopting or artificial insemination doesn't make them any less family then "normal" kid making.

 

Every mother/father I know that has adopted children will tell you that there's no difference. They wouldn't love the kids any more or any less if they had actually conceived/gave birth to them.

I knew one couple that had adopted a teenage girl's baby, and they were there for the birth, so it was just as special for them as if they had actually given birth the old-fashioned way.

 

But then what are you supposed to do? Man, transition isn't magic. We're not magic. Not at a point where you can be bestowed with sperm and baby making abilties. Can't be done.

My advice? Look into Stephen Whittle. Transguy, professor, and father. Transmen are fathers everyday. Not conventionally, perhaps, but what difference does it really make?

 

I think she understands. It's hard for all of us. Some of us just found a way to come to terms with things, and we felt like sharing how we did it with you hoping it would help.

It would be nice if we found a way for people like you to father kids and people like me to get pregnant. I would say you have no idea how jealous I get of my friend who likes to talk to me through IM about her pregnancy. But you probably do.

Even if I could get pregnant, I'd have being gay on top of everything. What would I do, cheat on my girlfriend and let someone get me pregnant? Artificial insemination? A surrogate?

This stuff will eat you up if you let it though. So I deal with it the way a lot of us do. I view myself as a woman with a "free" hysterectomy. Maybe some day they'll find better options for people like us. And if that happens I will feel so happy for the next generation.

I really hope you find something that works for you. Tell then I can just say, yeah, this really sucks. You're not alone.

But if you've found someone that loves you, and you're really ready to be a dad, and you do decide to play with the cards you've got, then you can make your kid's life a million times better than it would be without you in it. You and your wife could still be awesome parents and see a kid you raised play baseball and have their first kiss and maybe go to college. And you would still be able to look at that kid and say "I did that". Raising kids is the hard part. I couldn't do it.

 

IIRC, there was some work being done to fertilize an egg with the genetic material from another egg or oocyte. Won't really have the random chance of boy/girl, unless one of you has AIS (Androgen Insensitivity) or is a chimera (multiple genetic makeups, possibly XX and XY), but still...