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My transgenderism

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ember, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. ember

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    Location:
    Long Island
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    About 2 years ago I was thinking about my life in general, and, when one thought led to another, I started wondering what it would be like if I had been born a girl. I started daydreaming about this other life, and I realized that I liked this imaginary life better than anything I could imagine for my current life. So I thought. And I thought. And I thought some more. And then I got really depressed.I realized that I wanted to be a girl, but I had no clue at the time that this was something people could do, or that it happens to other people. I almost committed suicide twice when I was 12. Both times I decided it wasn't worth it. I just dragged through my life, hoping to find something, when, early this year, I googled a couple things and found a resource for transsexuals. I was so happy to find out I wasn't the only one! Since then, I've come out anonymously on the internet, and, given what I've said, people have told me that I am transgendered, and that IS how I feel. But after there is where it's confusing. I'm sure that I want to be a girl, and I dislike my genitalia as well. But as far as dressing goes... I've tried on girls' clothes before, and it feels about the same as wearing boys' clothes It feels perfectly fine either way. Also, I can't relate with the "I've felt this way for as long as I can remember." sort of thing. This has only been developing on me for about 2 years now. I'm not sure what this means for me, so I want to ask here. As for coming out about it, I'm prepping myself to tell a close friend, but I don't know how long that will take.

    I'm just kind of confused about it all.
     
  2. SilverGirl

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    hi there ember! (*hug*)

    you dont have to relate with knowing this from childhood or having a dramatic children backstory like we hear from the media, im very much like you, i pretty much discovered this about 2 years ago, but i was unhappy for most of my life but i never knew why, my childhood was very happy, but when puberty hit i was very unhappy with my body and everything else, looking back now i realize its because i was transgender but i never knew at the time

    yes about imagining a different life and feeling better is how i felt too, when i was 14 or 15, i made a MSN live messenger account as a girl, i made a lot of friends on this account and they had no idea, but it just felt much, much better than my current life, the account ended up lasting 5 to 6 years before i closed it, i still miss those friends i made, and i never told them the truth

    its not just about the clothes, but more like how you identify and express yourself, and how you want others to perceive and treat you, maybe you could ask yourself more questions to make it more clear:

    -do you prefer to be treated with female pronouns or male pronouns? does it make you feel better or it doesnt really make any difference?
    -how do you imagine yourself in the future? when you think about your future do you imagine yourself as male or female?
     
  3. ember

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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
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    Lesbian
    Out Status:
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    The pronouns just seem kind of neutral to me. I don't really care what someone says "he" to refer to me. The difference doesn't matter to me.

    I can see myself as male or female, but much more often female as of lately. It also feels better to see myself as female.
     
  4. Jinkies

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    Location:
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    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    Just throwing my 2 cents into here: Perhaps you're not in the gender binary? There are other genders that aren't male or female. For example, there are people who are androgyne, genderqueer, genderfluid, pangender, bigender, agender, etc.

    I'm not trying to push an agenda, but I'm merely replying to the fact that you've said "I can see myself as male or female" which hints at that.
     
  5. ember

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    Well when I say "most of the time it's female" that's, like, 97% of the time.
    But more than the lifestyle or pronouns or anything, I'm actually really dysphoric about my body. I just don't feel right like this. (Sorry if anything I say is contradictory or something)

    Also, is dysphoria ever related to traumatic events? Because, about a month before I started feeling this way, my family got into a pretty bad car accident. I got badly scarred, and I almost saw my brother die. (He got better.) We lost a lot of things, and it was just overall a scary experience.