How do you know?...

Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm trans because I've been experiencing steadily increasing dysphoria since puberty. It isn't always striving to be male for me, but more masculine looking. When I look in the mirror and see curves, I get all kinds of "hell nope". It just doesn't feel right, like it's a very physical discomfort.

And to be fair, as far as things go, I'm a pretty feminine guy. I've been told I'm too girly to be male a million times. But I feel more male than female, and am pretty set on transitioning.

As far as being "treated as female", what is it that you don't like? For me, I hate getting called "sweetie" and catcalled by strangers, having dates pay for me and buy me presents (usually flowers or jewelry or other things I don't particularly care for), and especially getting paid less for doing the same jobs. But that was never a factor in my decision to transition.

 

It's something of an intrinsic feeling I find. There's something within you, that when you start to align the dots, no matter how old you are at the time, it just clicks. You go on tests, like that gender identity test thing that I fail to remember the name of and even before you're done, you want to get the answer of "yes, you're trans". This shouldn't make any sense. Why would you want to get that answer? That's what you're afraid of, right? Yeah, its terrifying, but being acknowledged as the gender you feel you are is more important.

Dysphoria is another big part for some people, but those who don't experience it are just as valid in their identity. For me, dysphoria was a big one, both socially and physically. I always fantasised about being a female and there's no way in hell I could be turned on by the thought of being "the guy" in a physical relationship. That just seemed icky. I remember I had a group of friends and some of them used to pick on me for being slightly effeminate and such. But they'd treat all the girls so nicely and I just wished they'd treat me the same.

Once I got all these facts about myself in order, it just made sense. It was a logical conclusion to draw from the evidence I had. I just knew. It's a kind of epiphany. Though learning to really accept it is the hard part about knowing your own identity.

 

For me (and this seems to be the case for a lot of gender identity crises) puberty was when I really noticed being uncomfortable as female. I've always been more boyish by nature: tree climbing, playing in the dirt, bionicles, video games, sometimes wearing my brothers clothing- I was the tomboy of the class, despite the fact my parents made me wear almost all pink all the time.. >.>

Now, when I discovered what puberty was and that I had no say in the matter of my gender (shoosh, I was young and naïve and may or may not have thought people could choose their gender) I freaked the heck out over the menstrual cycle, developing an 'hourglass shape', and breasts.
I think I broke a little after accepting my fate as female and my life didn't start to stabilize until around 8th grade, when I started to question my sexual orientation and STARTED MY GAY JOURNEY DOWN RAINBOW ROAD BUt we're here to talk gender identity so let's continue with that.

Somewhere along the way my parents had convinced me to wear dresses and skirts and tights, etc., which made me feel awkward and gawky and exposed. However, they seemed happier that I was acting more feminine, so I went with it. (Note: If you feel uncomfortable or unhappy with your clothing, just don't wear it. Wear something that makes you feel confident with yourself and happy. It'll save you so much pain. >~<)

Around this time was also when gender dysphoria started. I felt like I was trapped in the wrong body and that parts *COUGH* felt like they should be there but weren't, so I figured that something was definitely up. Sometimes I just didn't feel any different from any of the other guys, despite having boobs, long hair, and a skirt. Long story short (lol sorry this is already long) I found this site and one day just explained how I felt and what was going on- I was kind of wavering between identifying as a boy and a girl- a member explained to me what bigender was and the name just kind of clicked. I didn't even really question it.

Why do I identify as bigender and not as full out trans? I have no idea. Part of it's probably the fact that I accepted my fate as female for so long and only discovered transgender was a thing (and that homosexuality was a thing) around high school.
(Apparently, I don't exactly live in a LGBT friendly environment at home and had a sheltered childhood.) So perhaps if I had known sooner, would be full out trans* by now. But eh, life happens.

ANYWAY, to talk about your situation Sheena: I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, such as being treated like a girl, referred to with female slang, having to wear girls clothing and all the horrors and sense of humiliation that follow. If only it were as simple as trying to decide male, female, trans, or agender! To be honest, like everything else with gender and most things human, gender identity is on a scale. So there are a multitude of genders in between, most of which are specific to individual people. The scale looks similar to the Kinsey scale:


And Hank Green explains just about everything extremely well here: http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXAoG8vAyzI

Anyway, hope this helps you out a bit~ :3

 

No problem!
Oh, God, I know the feeling. xD
The thing about being trans* is that it really varies from person to person. There are some Transmales that identify as male and genuinely don't want male genitalia! Personally I think it would just kind of get in the way most of the time, but eh- this opinion varies.
For me, with gender dysphoria regarding genitalia, it goes a bit like this:

I'll be in a crowded hallway at school or some public area with lots of people, someone will brush by my crotch area and I'll get that rush of panicky adrenaline and think 'AHHHHHH OH GOD AWKWRD PENIS ENCOUNTER OH no wait...' and that's pretty much it- I just realize for a moment that nothings really down there so no worries. xD

Anyway, one of the best pieces of advice I can give is just take a day or two and be male. Take the time to get in touch with your masculine side and let it dominate for a while, then switch back to female for a few days. See what feels most right to you!

Don't fret too much about dating and guys for now- as long as you're confident in and comfortable with yourself, the right guy will come along eventually! ;3

 

I know I'm female because I feel extremely comfortable in my body. I love to dress in female clothing and I love being in the female gender role. That doesn't mean I don't act masculine sometimes, though. I tend to be a bit of a tomboy at times. :3

 

It's all about what feels right. For me, i'm extremely comfortable and satisfied with the body I have... anatomically speaking anyway. It's hard to explain but it's beyond even just having what I prefer. I have so much sympathy for trans-guys and girls because I can picture how I'd feel if everything about me except for my biological gender was exactly as it is now. It would be horribly awkward and uncomfortable and impossible to agree with my own body. I'd want to change. And right now the relationship I have with my body as a vessel representing who I am on an exterior level is the exact opposite of that. I love being a boy!~ That's the whole reason I am one.