Progress In Private In Person

I came out as transgender to my mom today. Wow. I had a 5-page letter typed up on my laptop, and while I read it, she stayed silent, occasionally nodding her head "yes" when I would remind her of my early memories of gender confusion. Around page 3, I started to cry. She got up from her chair, sat next to me on the couch and put her arm around me...she read for herself while I composed myself a little, then I read the rest.

When all was said and done, she said she was not completely shocked, and that she loves me no matter what...waves of relief ran through me from head to toe. One of the best things was her acknowledgement of how difficult it must've been for me to struggle with this for so long. One of the hardest parts was her motherly attempt to suggest solutions, and all the in-general worrying a mom is required to do. Then, she wished me luck in talking to my wife, said "if the worst happens (which is she leaves and takes our kids across the country to her family) then worse things have happened", and said she'd rather have a happy daughter than a miserable son.

Then she suggested that I consider never telling Dad. At 72, his memory is starting to frequently fail. His health could start failing any day really, and she wondered if it was worth potentially making him sad and confused for the rest of what might remain of his life. Coming from the person who absolutely knows him best, I have to give that weight.
The boy in me feels the need to respect that, but the girl inside me is desperate for her dad to meet her.

Later, Mom called me to say she had a spring dress that I could have, and that I'm free to come over and wear it anytime I want to. I'm really looking forward to playing with my hair. :icon_bigg All the fear I had in general is really starting to dissipate, and I know now I can't wait until New Year's Eve to tell my wife. Sometime mid-November seems more likely. My knowledge of myself is deepening, right along with my knowledge of my situation...and I haven't been giving her the credit she deserves. The woman I married still, to this day, manages to shock me with how open-minded and caring she can be. I know if I plead my case with confidence, passion and love, I'll be on the road to Chloe in months instead of years, with all the people Chris ever cared about right behind her.

 

Thank you so much! I had so much fear I was literally shaking! And yeah, my mom's freakin' awesome. ;-) Really, I found an amazing "coming-out letter" online, then spent a couple weeks changing parts, adding paragraphs, and fine-tuning it to make it fit my mom and I. That's a great place to start if you're looking for some courage.
Speaking of, confidence takes time. The first person I came out to was online, shaking and scared. The first time I came out to a friend in person, I cried almost the whole time. The next friend, however, my eyes stayed dry. After that, the next friend I was able to bring it up almost casually. Even though I still broke down while reading to Mom, I wouldn't have had the confidence to even start reading without the practice I got telling my closest friends.
It's crazy how that old "you can do anything you set your mind to" saying is really true. You'll find a way, I know it. *hugs*