How does an agender get by in the real world...

I'm living as a girl right now. It's easier for me than as a guy but I still feel fake. Btw my body is very small and feminine shaped so that makes it harder.

Lately I am coming to terms with not having a gender identity... I'm tired of telling myself I have to be this or that to be like people of the same gender, also I'm tired of having to pretend w/ other girls that I had a girlhood like them and that I get periods and stuff. When they talk to me about pregnancy I feel like shit cuz I can never have those things. And then if I call myself trans I have to act like I feel like a girl to people. And I don't really feel like any gender.

But how are you supposed to live like this. Do I just tell people no I'm not a girl? People I meet would totally not get that... they'd just be like, okay, are you crazy then? I also do my nails and have long hair and wear only girl's clothes (I would wear some guy's clothes too they just never fit right) so that makes it harder.

 

Yeah I've never asked anyone to switch pronouns, it seems really hard to get them to do so once they have decided on one, and I know that sometimes they're even well-meaning but have gotten in the habit and just subconsciously can't adjust very easily... I am not too worried about pronouns anyway, they don't mean much to me but in terms of behaviors I really don't want to rock the boat, you know? If that doesn't sound idiotic... haha, but I still want to feel like I can be me

Anyway from one confused person to (I think) another... I hope you can figure something out!!

Hey Oddish! (I love Oddishes--sorry XD)

Yes society is very cissexist... I thought I would be more comfortable transitioned but I feel uncomfortable with mySELF having to pretend I'm somebody just to live as mostly myself. I can't lie I want cis privilege, I mean I want to not be underprivileged, but more than anything I want there to not BE a cis privilege, I think it's so dumb and unfair. I think growing up as a boy I became really afraid to experiment because casually misogynistic people, esp boys but also the occasional internalized misogyny from girls, were so downright mean about it, but lately I'm really asking myself like, is that really how I want to live my life, beaten by those people and not really fighting to change it?

I understand though about what you say having to side yourself as male I guess... I was still forced to pick female legally and I don't know if that will really be able to change in the near future but at least social presentation wise I am thinking maybe I will just start by not talking about my gender to people at all, and stop judging myself based on any genderedness, and other people can just assume what they want.

Anyway, thanks for your support. Being here on EC is the first step I am taking to be more authentic!! Hah. I know it's only online but I don't really feel safe about it in day to day life yet aside from with my boyfriend who is trying his best to understand and be supportive.